My feud with my neighbor

[narcimund 0]

Last month I told everyone that my neighbor keeps an arsenal of guns. Well, it's not clear how many guns, but definitely some guns. Maybe a lot! We held a town meeting.

At the meeting I annouced that we should burn his house down and take his guns for the safety of everyone's children. Some people said that was illegal, but I think they just hate children. They said they didn't even believe he had guns, but that just proves they hate children. They even argued that that only reason I want to burn his house down is because his dog pooped in my dad's front yard. I think we should burn all their houses down. I got out all my guns so I could burn his house down myself.

So we went to burn down his house, or at least I did. A few neighbor kids followed along to watch, so I gave them matches.

His dog started barking at us, so I shot the dog. My neighbors shouldn't have dogs. Their dogs keep scaring my dogs. I'm going to kill all their dogs eventually.

The kids and I looted the house before burning it down. We got all sorts of great stuff, but didn't find any guns. We burned the house down anyway because we said we would, and now that we've done that nobody can prove there weren't any guns. Besides, I still think my neighbor wanted to buy guns. He had a newspaper spread out on his table with sports store ads showing. Sports stores sell guns! The ads burned with the house, but you can trust me. They really were there!

What everyone should know is that my neighbor was really mean to his dog. His yard was a total mess and brought the property values down. He cut in front of old ladies at the movie theater. He really was a bad neighbor! His kids came to school with bruises. Everyone knew he hit his kids and even let his dog bite them. So I was justified in burning his house down!

In fact, his kids had such a bad upbringing that they act out all the time. Now that I'm bringing them up, I have to smack them around sometimes. The school principal has called me about the bruises, but I tell them it's only because my neighbor taught them so badly. I have to teach them a lesson now and then. I told the principal I'd burn his house down if he caused trouble and now he doesn't bother me any more.

When I can't keep an eye on the kids I just have my dogs watch them. The dogs bite the kids whenever they try to get away. I've trained them really well. The kids have asked me if they can have their own dog and I think I might let them have one, but I'm going to train it myself.

My neighbor finally showed up today. I think he was at the sports store looking at guns. Boy was he surprised when he saw what I'd done! I've got him locked up in my basement. That'll teach him to abuse his kids!

First Class Citizen Twice Over

[VectorBoy 0]

Do you live on one of those compounds run by the RRhhaagneeesh?

[ACMESkydiver 0]

......don't know whether to laugh or cringe...

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[Blahr 0]

Say! That a pretty simplistic point of view! Too bad its not that clear cut.

Also, you left out the part where your neighbor regularly tortured, abused, and killed the members of his household that didnt agree with everything he said.

That changes a lot in my opinion.

[BoostedXT 0]

Are you trying to imply that the US is "You" and your neighbor who "houses guns" but in reality seems to not have any is Saddam and Iraq? Why is that the first thing I thought of? Going to town meeting = UN. They all disagreed = Germany not backing us.

Am I on something or are you making this connection too?

Joe

For long as you live and high you fly and smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry and all that you touch and all that you see is all your life will ever be.
Pedro Offers you his Protection.

[Frodo 0]

Quote

Are you trying to imply that the US is "You" and your neighbor who "houses guns" but in reality seems to not have any is Saddam and Iraq? Why is that the first thing I thought of? Going to town meeting = UN. They all disagreed = Germany not backing us.

Did you really have to say this? It was supposed to be a secret, noone should've known the connection...

[Muenkel 0]

I can't believe I actually took the time to read this crap.

Narci, I expect better from you.

_________________________________________
Chris

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Quote

Are you trying to imply that the US is "You" and your neighbor who "houses guns" but in reality seems to not have any is Saddam and Iraq? Why is that the first thing I thought of? Going to town meeting = UN. They all disagreed = Germany not backing us.

Am I on something or are you making this connection too?

...don't feel bad, Boost...I didn't get what he was trying to say until I read your post...my post still stands even now that I know what it was supposed to be: I still don't know whether to laugh or cringe...

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[Muenkel 0]

Why has the song "Sympathy for the Devil" just pop into my mind?

_________________________________________
Chris

[Jimbo 0]

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I can't believe I actually took the time to read this crap.

Yeah, I read about half of it before quitting. It's garbage.

I don't know why some people think that international politics can be summed up in simple stories. It's either an insult to the reader, or proof that the author really doesn't understand the subject matter.

Quote

Narci, I expect better from you.

I don't, unfortunately.

-
Jim

"Like" - The modern day comma
Good bye, my friends. You are missed.

[jerry81 10]

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I don't know why some people think that the international politics can be summed up in simple stories.

Well, hey, people do it most of the time;
"It has nothing to do with the oil"/"It's about the oil"
"They're just a bunch of yellow-bellied frog-eaters who only care about their economical interests"
"They just want to kill all jews"
"They all f+cking hate us"

At least in Narcimund's case, it was pretty obvious it was a satire. Not that I found it extremely good, but at least I got the feeling the author didn't mean everything so dead serious (don't know him, so I might be wrong here, but you get my point)

---

[Kennedy 0]

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Well, hey, people do it most of the time;
"It has nothing to do with the oil"/"It's about the oil"
"They're just a bunch of yellow-bellied frog-eaters who only care about their economical interests"
"They just want to kill all jews"
"They all f+cking hate us"

And in each case above, Jimbo is proven correct.

Quote

I don't know why some people think that the international politics can be summed up in simple stories. It's either an insult to the reader, or proof that the author really doesn't understand the subject matter.

witty subliminal message
Guard your honor, let your reputation fall where it will, and outlast the bastards.
1*

[harryskydives 0]

I bought a mouse with a roller so I can skip the crap faster!

Don't run out of altitude and experience at the same time...

[bobsled92 0]

That was "poetry of the common man".
(Fanfare of the Common man" could be played i the background)

_______________________________
If I could be a Super Hero,
I chose to be: "GRANT-A-CLAUS". and work 365 days a Year.
http://www.hangout.no/speednews/

[Antithesis 0]

I enjoyed the story. It must not have been that bad if you people feel the need to talk about it even if you didn't like it.

I travel the land, Work in the ocean, Play in the sky

[MrBester 0]

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They even argued that that only reason I want to burn his house down is because his dog pooped in my dad's front yard. I think we should burn all their houses down.

That's my favourite part. Yeah, I kinda liked the story.
But what did you expect - I'm German!

[jerry81 10]

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That's my favourite part. Yeah, I kinda liked the story.

It does have its highpoints, yes. Overall, it's still oversimplyfying complex matters. But at least this story can be dismissed as a humorous comment (poor as it may seem to some). The guy who says all muslims hate westerners and want to build an islamic world can not.

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[MrBester 0]

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Overall, it's still oversimplyfying complex matters. But at least this story can be dismissed as a humorous comment (poor as it may seem to some).

Is this story a humorous comment? It does contain humorous elements but I didn't feel like laughing when I had finished reading it.
Simplifying can be part of an analytical strategy that helps you understand complex matters and provides a basis on which discussions can grow (obviously).

[Snowwhite 0]

I give the story a five. It lacked a good car chase, and there was no sex. But other than that, it held my attention, and left me wanting more......

skydiveTaylorville.org
freefallbeth@yahoo.com

[MrBester 0]

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I give the story a five. It lacked a good car chase, and there was no sex. But other than that, it held my attention, and left me wanting more......

I agree!

[jerry81 10]

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Is this story a humorous comment? It does contain humorous elements but I didn't feel like laughing when I had finished reading it.

It's a satire. Perhaps 'humorous comment' was not the best choice of word.

Quote

Simplifying can be part of an analytical strategy that helps you understand complex matters and provides a basis on which discussions can grow (obviously).

Obviously.

---

[cloudseeker2001 0]

NARCIMUND FOR PRESIDENT!

"Some call it heavenly in it's brilliance,
others mean and rueful of the western dream"

[freeflir29 0]

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But what did you expect - I'm German!

Oh....maybe that's why I liked it too. Entertaining if nothing else.....

[skydyvr 0]

Quote

Quote

They even argued that that only reason I want to burn his house down is because his dog pooped in my dad's front yard. I think we should burn all their houses down.

That's my favourite part. Yeah, I kinda liked the story.
But what did you expect - I'm German!

But this is one of the more innaccurate parts of Narcimund's silly "satire".

Saddam never pooped in George 41's yard. We went to Kuwait/Iraq in '90, and accomplished EXACTLY what we intended to accomplish. You lamers with the idea that George 43 has some revenge or bone to pick with Saddam for the sake of his dad are living in fantasy land.

. . =(_8^(1)

[fasterfaller 0]

Quote

Last month I told everyone that my neighbor keeps an arsenal of guns. Well, it's not clear how many guns, but definitely some guns. Maybe a lot! We held a town meeting.

At the meeting I annouced that we should burn his house down and take his guns for the safety of everyone's children. Some people said that was illegal, but I think they just hate children. They said they didn't even believe he had guns, but that just proves they hate children. They even argued that that only reason I want to burn his house down is because his dog pooped in my dad's front yard. I think we should burn all their houses down. I got out all my guns so I could burn his house down myself.

So we went to burn down his house, or at least I did. A few neighbor kids followed along to watch, so I gave them matches.

His dog started barking at us, so I shot the dog. My neighbors shouldn't have dogs. Their dogs keep scaring my dogs. I'm going to kill all their dogs eventually.

The kids and I looted the house before burning it down. We got all sorts of great stuff, but didn't find any guns. We burned the house down anyway because we said we would, and now that we've done that nobody can prove there weren't any guns. Besides, I still think my neighbor wanted to buy guns. He had a newspaper spread out on his table with sports store ads showing. Sports stores sell guns! The ads burned with the house, but you can trust me. They really were there!

What everyone should know is that my neighbor was really mean to his dog. His yard was a total mess and brought the property values down. He cut in front of old ladies at the movie theater. He really was a bad neighbor! His kids came to school with bruises. Everyone knew he hit his kids and even let his dog bite them. So I was justified in burning his house down!

In fact, his kids had such a bad upbringing that they act out all the time. Now that I'm bringing them up, I have to smack them around sometimes. The school principal has called me about the bruises, but I tell them it's only because my neighbor taught them so badly. I have to teach them a lesson now and then. I told the principal I'd burn his house down if he caused trouble and now he doesn't bother me any more.

When I can't keep an eye on the kids I just have my dogs watch them. The dogs bite the kids whenever they try to get away. I've trained them really well. The kids have asked me if they can have their own dog and I think I might let them have one, but I'm going to train it myself.

My neighbor finally showed up today. I think he was at the sports store looking at guns. Boy was he surprised when he saw what I'd done! I've got him locked up in my basement. That'll teach him to abuse his kids!

This is the gayest writing I have ever read half of .