Funnies

[Nightingale 0]

Sounds of the Wild

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.

Mother: "What does the cow say?"

Child: "Moo!"

Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"

Child: "Meow."

Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"

And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."





Baby bear wants to live somewhere else


The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with.

So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said "No, I can't live with Papa bear, he beats me terribly."

"OK," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?"

"No way!" replied baby bear, "She beats me worse than Papa bear does."

The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with?" asked the judge.

"Yes," answered baby bear, "my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago."

"You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge.

"Oh definitely," said baby bear, "the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."

[kai2k1 0]

Quote

Oh definitely," said baby bear, "the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."

BWAHHHAHHHH!!!!

They only win when i bet against them! !

There's no truer sense of flying than sky diving," Scott Cowan

[lawrocket 3]

Quote

The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with?" asked the judge.

"Yes," answered baby bear, "my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago."

"You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge.

"Oh definitely," said baby bear, "the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."

Bears 5-2 at home this year.

1-6 away from home this year.

The Chicago Bears can beat someone at home. Ask Aunt Bertha, the Chicago Bear, to travel!

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[CrazyThomas 0]

read this somewhere:

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter "R, " and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: "Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare."
In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud.

The boy nervously eyed his classmates--many of them already laughing at him--then replied, "Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough."


Thomas

[CrazyThomas 0]

and then there is this:

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn in her wheel chair where the activity's for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't talk very well but she could write notes fairly well when she needed to communicate.
After a short time out on the lawn Grandma started leaning off to the right and some family members grabbed her and straightened her up and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later she started leaning off to her left and again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward and the family members again grabbed her and tied a pillow case around her waist to hold her up. A nephew who arrived late came running up to Grandma, you're looking good, how are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew, "They won't let me fart."



Thomas

[dterrick 0]

...and a visual gag from this morning's comics that just might make the next big think in sky sports ...
Dave

Life is very short and there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend (Lennon/McCartney)