bshl 0 #1 December 17, 2003 The "Pull My Finger" Everyone enjoys a good chuckle and nothing produces one as consistently as the classic "pull my finger" gag. Many a gullible child has set a PMF into motion by tugging on the digit of a father or favorite uncle. The PMF has the distinction of being hte only fart which is employed strictly for comedic purposes. SBD This is perhaps the most dangerous of all farts. It's like the ninja of passed gas. Without any warning, the SBD's foul fumes quickly spread, creating panic and destruction in its deadly wake. The unknown origin of an SBD results in denials and acusations. Typically, the person who did it tries to blame it on the dog. The Machine Gun A rapid-fire "rat-a-tat-tat" sound is created by gas bubbles causing the sphincter to open and close quickly, thus producing short but numerous farts in quick succession. This fart is one of the largest gas (as well as laughter) producing types. The Shock Wave Trying to suppress the release of intestinal gas can result in an intense pressure buildup, resulting in the shock wave: one long release of incredible power. The sonic wave generated by this particular fart can be heard for miles. There have also been reports of structural damage. The Big Wet One The human body is complex, mysterious and often disgusting. When it vents gas, sometimes other things are expelled as well - stinky wet things. Accompanied with its distinct wet sound, nothing can empty a room or fill your pants as quickly as a BWO. The Trumpet One or, more often, a series of loud farts that vary in pitch or tone is what researchers call the trumpet. With practice and proper diet, simple musical compositions can be performed...preferably at an outdoor ampitheater. The Carbonator Decades before the invention of the hot tub, flatulent people in the bath were enjoying bubbles of their own making. As to swimming pools, do you think that people who pee in the pool would ever think twice about farting in it? The Blowtorch Mankind's fascination with farts has led to all kinds of experiments. The application of flame, usually from a cigarette lighter held near the body's "rear exhaust pipe" can ignite the expelled flammable methane gas. The Oopsie-Daisy Try as you might, sometimes you just can't help but bust a little wind. Often at the most inappropriate times and places. The Oopsie-Daisy (also known as teh "excuse Me") most frequently occurs in the workplace, elevators and fine restaurants and is usually followed by blushing ad a sheepish grin. The Aplified Commode Blow Unless you've brought a periodical with you, sitting on the toilet can be a tiresome and uninspiring experience. A commode blow, however, will not only provide you with instant gratification, it will also produce a sound three times as loud as those made by conventional farts. Early Morning Beer Farts Due to its effect on the digestive system and its carbonated nature, beer is usually listed among the top fart-producing substances. While beer farts do have plenty of unpleasant properties, other foods and drinks contribute to the possibility of flatulence as well. Blue skies and happy landings! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
