Alcoholism - intervention advice

[TheAnvil 0]

I know what most of you are thinking - especially those familiar with me and my notorious drinking. This is serious - to me at least - and I'm looking for advice.

I'm worried about my best friend's alcohol consumption. Given my own proclivity for over-indulgence (especially when Patron is involved) this might sound odd. But, those familiar with me probably have some sort of basis upon which to judge my request for advice - I'm a lush on occasion and make no bones about it.

Has anyone here talked with a close friend about having a problem WRT alcohol problems. If so, what was your approach and/or tactic? I've had this converstaion with said individual before, but the ass-beating apparently didn't do any good, because the problem still exists. My straight on approach apparently didn't take root without constant supervision on my part (hard to do 2000 mi away).

Any advice? bill? Wendy? Justin? Philly? Kallend? Others?

Note: I am still an avowed lush. I'm very seriously looking for advice here. Given this, I hope you'll see the severity of the problem with which I'm dealing.
Vinny the Anvil

Vinny the Anvil
Post Traumatic Didn't Make The Lakers Syndrome is REAL
JACKASS POWER!!!!!!

[WrongWay 0]

I dunno what to tell ya pal.

I think it would be best to get friends/family involved. Set up a small group to be at this person's place, then have them all sit down and tell him/her that they are concerned about their habits. It's all about strength in numbers.

Good luck to you.

Wrong Way
D #27371 Mal Manera Rodriguez Cajun Chicken Ø Hellfish #451
The wiser wolf prevails.

[skybytch 273]

Contact AA. They're in the phone book. They can help.

[JadedLady 0]

I am probably not the best person for advise on this, I've been known to have a drink or two... or seventeen a couple of times on the weekends... make that weekdays... make that every day, but in all seriousness, this is a real problem. I know I can handle my drinking, but sometimes I think even I need to slow down. My best friend used to have a major problem with drinking. In the end, she drove her truck into a brick house. I had tried everything I could think of to try to slow her down (at the time I barely drank at all) but it seemed like all I was doing was driving distance between us. I wish I would have known what to tell her instead of sounding like a nagging mother but all I can say is speak with your heart. Let your friend know of your concerns and ask them if there is anyway you can help (obviously something has driven them to drink). Let them know you will always be there for them.

~~~~
Rachel
~~~~~~~~~~~
-Converting the world one whuffo at a time.

[JoeyRamone 0]

Sorry to say you can not do much. AA is not going to do shit unless the person want's help.

You can make suggestions, do a family intervention, but until this person has "hit Bottom" or is ready to get help all you can do is let them destroy there life.

You do not need to drink with this person, walk away, set your ground rules.

If i hear you right you said you tend to be a "lush" sometimes too. How can you offer help when you are getting drunk too?

You can not preach if you are practicing in the same manor too.

Yes, i am sober too. NO ONE could tell me shit, i had to hit a bottom before i was ready to get help.

[newsstand 0]

So maybe we professional drinkers need to start our own chat group. It would either be a hell of a party or maybe we could clean our acts up a bit.

"Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at evening."
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

[JoeyRamone 0]

What i might suggest is you go to an Alanon Meeting. This will help you deal with someone you care about who has a drinking problem.

I don't want you to think that i am saying you have a problem either. A lot of people can go out, get drunk, have some fun but do not cross the line...

When the drinking is taking over, it is your main mission, then one needs to seek help.

[lawrocket 3]

Vinnie:

Good for you for seeing this. Actually, there's something I do every year now that was based on an interventional technique. A few of us decided that one of our friends needed help. So, we all signed a contract not to drink in January, with the exception of the Super Bowl and my birthday. When he didn't want to do it, we pressured his ass into it a whole lot.

It actually worked. We'd go hang out, catch the game, and each of us grab a Pepsi. We'd also lose weight. He bitched and sniveled and moaned (we all did, actually) but it worked. HEll, I lost ten pounds just from not drinking.

It's an annual thing for me now, as well as a couple of those guys. Try it. It is actually amazing how easy it is to not do it. And, it gives something to talk about with people.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[hooked 0]

I wish you luck. I lost my twin sister to cirrosis (sp?) a few years back. There was nothing any of us could do to prevent her from drinking. She actually hid her addiction very well and isolated herself from the family because of her drinking problem. None of us really knew where she was living half the time. Sometimes, hitting bottom doesn't help them get help.

Vibes to you for wanting to help your friend.

J

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Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings.

[Gawain 0]

Whatever you do, don't intervene alone, and do it with family and with some type of guidance or consultation with a counselor or treatment outfit. The intervention means nothing without an immediate, actionable plan if your friend gets it.

Even then, the intervention, treatment, recovery will only be worth while if the person wants help.

And even then, part of a productive recovery means changing one's life so that traditional triggers are less prevalent in life (it's simple, change everything: people, places, things).

The make-up of my friends changed dramatically for me 10 years ago.

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[wmw999 2,584]

AlAnon might be able to help; you can't tell an alcoholic what's good for them -- they already know everything. But you can tell them, along with other people they care about, what their drinking is doing to your relationships and lives, and you can make it clear that it's unacceptable.

Then you have to follow that with (in)action -- just don't cover for them, help them, or anything else. Don't hang around if they're doing something that impacts you negatively. The more they suffer the consequences of drinking, and know that's what it is, the more likely they are to hit bottom a little higher.

It's really really hard. More so if it's someone you love and respect. Good luck.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[pleifer 0]

Contact AA and ALnon. They deal with this all the time, and they will have many many ideas of how to deal with this.
One of the things is don't tell them they have a problem, help them find out they have a problem.
suddle hints. (very suddle)
they have to be ready to see that they have a problem. but about all you can do is help them see that.
tread lightly my friend, or you might loose one.
even if a barrer comes between you two because of this, be there for them when they are ready.
Another idea is to act like you have a major problem with liquor and maybe that will help them see they do to, and offer to quit together.
I have delt with this before in friends, and I would abstain from imbibing because my friends are more important than me haveing a few.
hope this helped,
paul

_________________________________________
The Angel of Duh has spoke

[JoeyRamone 0]

Contact AA and ALnon. They deal with this all the time, and they will have many many ideas of how to deal with this.
One of the things is don't tell them they have a problem, help them find out they have a problem.
suddle hints. (very suddle)
***

Don't take this the wrong way but you do not know what you are talking about. AA can not do shit if the person does not want help, I know i have been going for 12 years. Yes you do tell them they have a problem and that it is affection many lifes. You don't hide, cover up, make excusses for a persons drinking. Dont be an enabler, That is the worst thing you can do. You can make suggestions and let them make the decission on what to do.

You let them fall down and dont help, If they need money say no, If they need a place to live say no, if the get a dwi or go to jail leave them. If they lose things, good. In time they will lose all the things in life that mean something to them. They have a few choices. Death, Jail, Mental ward or get sober. Only the person with the problem can make the decission not you .

I see people die every month, sometimes every week. The kill themselves, Wreck cars or there body shuts down. You are dealing with one of the worst killers out there.......THe sad thing is all they need to do is not drink for today and life gets better....

[TheAnvil 0]

Thanks to all. Going to check out the AA website and perhaps give them a call to see what they have to say. If you can't handle drinking you should quit. My friend's wife and I both talked with him about it together once before and we've drank together several times since. What I've seen over the past two days he's been out for a visit hath concerned me greatly.

Gotta go play host/chauffer for a bit if I can get my friend's ass out of bed. His wife is currently working on that. I should have made him run with me this morning. Hehehehehehe.

Blues and beers,

Vinny the Anvil

Vinny the Anvil
Post Traumatic Didn't Make The Lakers Syndrome is REAL
JACKASS POWER!!!!!!

[ripper0289 0]

I agree with just about everyone here, you're friend won't accept help until he or she wants to. They have to hit bottom and start wanting to get help.
You've done a wonderful thing by attempting to help him, sometimes the person with the problem doesn't see it or doesn't want to admit it, but ultimately, it's going to have to be their initiative to get help.

[NoShitThereIWas 0]

Hi Vinners,

I don't have too much to add to what most people have said. I know someone who was really sick from alchoholism and alcoholism is truly a sickness. His whole family got together and did an intervention. They sought professional advice/help. Part of the intervention had to do with his friends and family confronting him with how they felt when he drank. Apparently it was a powerful enough approach to convince the person he had a problem and got him into recovery and rehab. Unfortunately, he still died at a young age due to the damage that had already been done.

I have also had good friends who were alcoholics: helped check one into rehab when she hit rock bottom. We don't hang out anymore and last I heard she is back to drinking. Addiction is a tough nut to crack. Good luck to you Vinnie. Your friend is lucky to have you care so much about him and I hope you are able to help him. Just remember like others have said ... they have to want to help themselves.

[kallend 2,146]

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Any advice? bill? Wendy? Justin? Philly? Kallend? Others?

I have an alcoholic son, he is 29 (not the one in the Army). My ex-wife (his mother) is a social worker and she is orchestrating an intervention within the next three weeks, to be led by a professional who does this stuff.

I basically do as I am instructed, being an engineer and not an expert in the area.

I have been told that it needs to be well coordinated with family and friends, you can't just do an ad-hoc thing on your own.

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[Garycal 0]

If you are in Hollister tomorrow Ill try to give you some input. My name is Gary. Kath can point me out or just page me.

[TheAnvil 0]

I shall be in H-town tomorrow afternoon. I need to jump like Custer needed an air-strike. We'll chat.

Vinny the Anvil
Post Traumatic Didn't Make The Lakers Syndrome is REAL
JACKASS POWER!!!!!!

[Garycal 0]

Ok seeya

[dropdeded 0]

I agree with several replies, dont cover, make excuses for, or pretend the problem aint there. If the guy has a problem with alcohol, fuckin tell him. Tell him and in my opinion, it should NOT be sugercoated. Alcohol is a grand thing for most people. For some of us, its not. Tell HIM to call AA, hell, just tell him to "check it out".
One more thing I personally agree with is that it does not matter how miserable and fucked up life is for everyone around him, he cant, and wont stop until he's ready too. And if you want to help him get to ready, let him experience the bullshit part of alcoholism. And its not very often that an alcoholic can quit on his own.

Good luck, and good on you for doing what you are.

dropdeded (1-1-99)

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The Dude Abides.
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[VanillaSkyGirl 6]

Hi Vinny,
I don't know anything about alcoholism, but I wanted to wish you luck with your friend. Hopefully, he will see the light. You are truly good person and a wonderful friend. (Btw, thank you so much for being there for me in the past.) I'm sending many hugs and prayers to you and your loved ones. I'll see you in a week, my friend. ROSA

• Quote

[sundevil777 102]

Good luck.

I understand why the temperance movement of the 20's was appealing to so many.

Alcohol can be very destructive.

That is all.

People are sick and tired of being told that ordinary and decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. I’m certainly not, and I’m sick and tired of being told that I am

[skydiver51 0]

I hate to say it but Joey is right. If some one is deeply in to alcohol about all you can do is encourage them to stop or cut down on consumption. I read alot of pamplets on the subject when I wanted my brother to get ahold of his problem. Everything I read says they are the ones that have to make up their own mind to stop. Be there to encourage them and give them a shoulder to lean on is about all you can do.

[jfields 0]

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Any advice? bill? Wendy? Justin? Philly? Kallend? Others?

Vinny,

Beyond what others have said, I have no practical suggestions. Thankfully, I have no personal experience in this area.

In general, people won't change until they are ready to change. If pushed, they will only push away harder in response. That applies to everything. Drinking, smoking, obesity, whatever.

Like Boss Paul said in Cool Hand Luke, "You got to get your mind right."