bshl 0 #1 December 24, 2003 I think Santa Claus is a woman. I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off! For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on December 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag. Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle. Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man: * Men can't pack a bag. * Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet. * Men would feel their masculinity is threatened having to be seen with all those elves. * Men don't answer their mail. * Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a bowl full of jelly. * Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them. * Having to do the "Ho Ho Ho" thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women. * Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. I can buy the fact that other mythical characters are men ... * Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definitely a guy. * Cupid flies around carrying weapons. * Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. Not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is. I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!! Edited to clean up the formatting... Blue skies and happy landings! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflir29 0 #2 December 24, 2003 No....Santa is a guy and he wears the pants in the family. He gets up every morning and puts on the pants that Mrs. Claus picked out. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #3 December 24, 2003 He could be gay also. __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paige 0 #4 December 24, 2003 Hehehe, santa is definately a woman! Good logic from the above post, hard to argue with because men can't multi-task!Tunnel Pink Mafia Delegate www.TunnelPinkMafia.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sdgregory 0 #5 December 24, 2003 QuoteThink about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off! Okay for this one you deserve a slap! so SLAP! I am extremely organized, my daughter is alsways putting her cold hands on me because as she says "you're so warm!" And you can ask them sometime about how nurturing I am. QuoteFor starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on December 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree. I had everyone's Christmas gifts planned since August and had all my shopping done last week, thank you very much. QuoteOn this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag. No self respecting man would EVER buy a Chia Pet. QuoteAnother problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. And if HE were a sheila the reindeer would not pull the sleigh because it would upset the nature of these very delicate and CUTE animals who would be working for no benefit to themselves and how could we ever take such a cutsey wootsy animal and make work so hard. And on top of that the only alternative is to drive and we KNOW women cannot drive QuoteEven if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.[ And the SHE - Santa would never get on the road because she would be too worried about how the wind would mess up her hair. QuoteAdd to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle. The She-Santa would never go down a chimney because they might get diry or break a nail or smear their make-up. Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man: * Men can't pack a bag. **Women can't pack a car * Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet. **Women would rather be caught dead than delivering Gi-Joes to little boys thereby enhancing there chauvanistic macho he-man mentality. * Men would feel their masculinity is threatened having to be seen with all those elves. **Um Santa is the Head elf there-by giving him a position of Authority thus negating theat whole statement. A position of Authority in which a woman's indecisive nature would make her unequiped to handle. * Men don't answer their mail. **Women take too long to answer their's. Add on top of it that Santa doesn't ANSWER mail he just reads it. * Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a bowl full of jelly. ** Let me tell you your ass looks like a bowl full of jelly and see how you respond * Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them. **No, we might be interested if we were say . . . robbing a bank! * Having to do the "Ho Ho Ho" thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women. ** Ho-Ho-Ho would seriuously undermine a woman's self esteem. * Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. ** Finally being responsible for Christmas would require a brain Any of these other people could pass as a woman Micheal Jackson Pat from SNL Anyone without a lick of common sense But not St. Nick. Merry Christmas everyone! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kat69 0 #6 December 24, 2003 QuoteNo....Santa is a guy and he wears the pants in the family. He gets up every morning and puts on the pants that Mrs. Claus picked out. That is Chute's saying on the bottom of his posts. How funny. I think Santa is a guy. He is a guy with no back bone and does what ever Miss Claus tells him. She really runs Christmas like the First Lady really runs the country.*********************************************** Wine Me, Dine Me, 69 Me Then spank me like a bad puppy dog. Ms_Kitty Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflir29 0 #7 December 24, 2003 QuoteShe really runs Christmas like the First Lady really runs the country. Billary isn't the President anymore. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
