happythoughts 0 #1 December 31, 2003 NY resolutions for dogs 1. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt. 2. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars. 3. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener. 4. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows. 5. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around. 6. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds. 7. Always scoot before licking. 8. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much. 9. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. 10. AND most importantly... I will NOT chase the stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jmpnkramer 0 #2 December 31, 2003 Hey Bill! I think you wrote those backwards. You must be thinking like the cat. Laters, The REAL KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMER!!!!!!!!!!The REAL KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMER! "HESITATION CAUSES DEATH!!!" "Be Slow to Fall into Friendship; but when Thou Art in, Continue Firm & Constant." - SOCRATES Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #3 December 31, 2003 Thinking like a cat? Cats don't think. The only thing that separates cats from inanimate objects is that they blink. The only thing dumber is a goldfish. They say that a goldfish has such a small brain that they can't remember the entire layout of their tank at one time. Goldfish NY resolutions: 1. I need to get out more. I'm in the castle far too much. 2. I resolve to stop humping the little plastic scuba diver. 3. I need to add adventure and new experiences to my day. I'll try swimming anti-clockwise around the tank. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yoshi 0 #4 December 31, 2003 QuoteThey say that a goldfish has such a small brain that they can't remember the entire layout of their tank at one time. goldfish average memory length...I think like 3-4 seconds... -ohh look a castle..I think Ill call it home...but I need to get some food...how did I get in this castle? damnit im hungry, ill have to go get some food..mmmm this food is good WHOA look a castle I think Ill call it home!_________________________________________ this space for rent. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Raefordite 0 #5 December 31, 2003 QuoteNY resolutions for dogs Ok, I just made both my dogs sit at attention while I read the doggie New Year resolutions to them. I'll let you know how long they are able to keep them! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #6 December 31, 2003 QuoteQuoteNY resolutions for dogs Ok, I just made both my dogs sit at attention while I read the doggie New Year resolutions to them. I'll let you know how long they are able to keep them! They hear "blah... blah... blah... Spot blah... blah... Spot blah..." The whole time they are thinking "We must be doing a trick. Is this a trick? Maybe we'll get a biscuit..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #7 December 31, 2003 Quotewhat is the rectal temp. of a 3 toed sloth? Know the easiest way to tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? Taste. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #8 December 31, 2003 QuoteQuotewhat is the rectal temp. of a 3 toed sloth? Know the easiest way to tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? Taste. You have taste buds in your ass? That must make taking a dump a really really unpleasant experience. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #9 December 31, 2003 QuoteYou have taste buds in your ass? That must make taking a dump a really really unpleasant experience. Explaining a joke is a lot like disecting a frog. You learn a lot about the frog, but the frog is dead at the end of the process. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #10 December 31, 2003 QuoteExplaining a joke is a lot like disecting a frog. You learn a lot about the frog, but the frog is dead at the end of the process. Is that some kind of round about way of saying that you put frogs in your ass, too? What do they taste like? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #11 December 31, 2003 I would suspect... chicken. This fascination with placing objects in your ass seems to be a recurring theme. Perhaps, subconsciously, you are sharing a little too much with us today. I can only say that you should reflect on your feelings. Get in touch with your inner self (through whatever orifice). I am very non-judgemental and accept people for the way they are (unless they voted for Clinton, some things are just wrong). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #12 December 31, 2003 What does ass-chicken taste like? Damn...I'm CRACKing myself up!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yoshi 0 #13 December 31, 2003 now now you two... we dont like time out now do we?_________________________________________ this space for rent. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #14 December 31, 2003 Quotenow now you two... we dont like time out now do we? You started it!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FliegendeWolf 0 #15 December 31, 2003 QuoteThinking like a cat? Cats don't think. The only thing that separates cats from inanimate objects is that they blink. The only thing dumber is a goldfish. On the contrary, cats have enough intelligence to do what they please, rather than take orders. Instead of giving a shit whether they're pleasing people, they would rather please themselves. Sounds pretty smart to me! A One that Isn't Cold is Scarcely a One at All Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #16 December 31, 2003 It does seem that his constant questioning about sloth rectii is a bit unusual. Don't they have sheep where he lives? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #17 December 31, 2003 QuoteOn the contrary, cats have enough intelligence to do what they please, rather than take orders. Instead of giving a shit whether they're pleasing people, they would rather please themselves. Sounds pretty smart to me! Interesting perspective. Next time someones says that I am lazy, self-absorbed, anti-social, and destructive, then I'll just respond that I'm too intelligent. In fact, if those are the determining items, it turns out that I'm really smart. It must be all in the public relations. Like those darned grass-rats at Rantoul. If they weren't cute, ground squirrels would cause people to jump on chairs also. A cute tail and the world is at your feet. And hamsters. Those suckers sit in a cage all day and cut newspaper into tiny squares. What? Why are they pets? Even those tiny exercise wheels won't trim them down. Chubby rats with good public relations. Maybe that is the key. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FliegendeWolf 0 #18 December 31, 2003 QuoteInteresting perspective. Next time someones says that I am lazy, self-absorbed, anti-social, and destructive, then I'll just respond that I'm too intelligent. In fact, if those are the determining items, it turns out that I'm really smart. Heh heh...Would you say that you are more intelligent than a dog? A One that Isn't Cold is Scarcely a One at All Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #19 December 31, 2003 QuoteHeh heh...Would you say that you are more intelligent than a dog? Hard to say. They are always so darned happy. Life must be cool for them. They have great social skills. They love everybody. I'm trying to learn some life-lessons from them. - I walk around 3 times in a circle before lying down. - I try to greet new girls by sniffing their butts. - Food is important. - If I'm good, I am rewarded. - If I'm bad, I try to be ashamed. - Play more. - Sleep more. - Humping someones leg in public is socially acceptable as long as they are not a member of the law enforcement community. The dogs code of behavior: "If you can't eat it, f--- it, or play with it, then piss on it." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FliegendeWolf 0 #20 December 31, 2003 QuoteThe dogs code of behavior: "If you can't eat it, f--- it, or play with it, then piss on it." Well, that certainly sounds self-absorbed, anti-social, and destructive to me... Wait, what was it you were saying about cats again? A One that Isn't Cold is Scarcely a One at All Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #21 December 31, 2003 If dogs could be humans, all these characteristics would make them artists and scholars. You can't just examine one aspect, it has to be considered as whole. Cats would be homeless people in tinfoil hats talking to their shopping cart. Of course, probably the same events would occur. Dogs would be out with their buddies having a good time, splashing in the river, and getting some sun. Cats would eventually be struck by a broom on just general principles. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FliegendeWolf 0 #22 December 31, 2003 Quote If dogs could be humans Yeah, but they're not!! I don't think it makes any sense to judge a cat or a dog by what it is appropriate in human society. You have to accept them for what they are: animals.A One that Isn't Cold is Scarcely a One at All Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #23 December 31, 2003 QuoteYou have to accept them for what they are: animals. So what are you, a bacteria? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FliegendeWolf 0 #24 December 31, 2003 No, I'm a fun guy!A One that Isn't Cold is Scarcely a One at All Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yoshi 0 #25 December 31, 2003 QuoteCats would be homeless people in tinfoil hats talking to their shopping cart. That one made me laugh out loud at work! _________________________________________ this space for rent. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
