Casch 0 #1 January 3, 2004 Or am I just crazy? So I have this friend, Lacy, and we've known eachother since birth. When we were little, we would play while our dads were getting high and doing whatever... Fast forward 19 years. I hadn't seen or heard from her since I was 12 or so. And we haven't actually hung out together since we were toddlers. We finally got together after all this time. I drove out to her place, she's living with her mom while going to school. I got to visit with her family and we all went out to dinner. Went back to her place, had a snowball fight, then watched a movie while putting her 6 month old boy Darren to sleep. I was holding Darren against my shoulder sitting on her bed, he was slowly drifting off. Lacy walked in and sat down next to us and we were both soothing Darren and he finally went to sleep. We stayed up for a while longer talking, before finally going to sleep (in separate rooms) That experience is one that I will never forget. I have never felt as close to anyone, as I did to Lacy and Darren that night. Am I completely nuts for being in love with her? I haven't been a part of her life for so long, but all these years I have thought about her on occasion, and she has always been that little wish in the back of my mind. I can't seem to think of anything else, and certainly not anyone else... So, can anyone understand, relate, explain, or care to comment on this? I think I love her, whats scary is that I want to be Darrens father figure...I'm 19... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tunaplanet 0 #2 January 3, 2004 Yes you are crazy. You are 19. Shouldn't date until you're 45. 'love' spelled backwards is one letter away from 'evil.' You're better off having me take you out behind the woodshed and offing you instead of falling in love. Hey, I didn't come across as bitter or anything did I? Forty-two Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Casch 0 #3 January 3, 2004 QuoteHey, I didn't come across as bitter or anything did I? Nah not at all! I've been "alone" for 4 years on christmas, no one has occupied my mind like she does... "Love is like a bully; it'll beat the shit out of you and take all your money" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quade 4 #4 January 3, 2004 Maybe not here, but certain from your family and friends, you're going to get a LOT of "advice" about this subject. Unfortunately, you're probably a little too young yet to truly understand what some of these people are going to say -- try. Try to take it all in. Some will be positive, some will be negative. Some will be practical, some romantic. Some will look at your life as it has been, some how it could be. Some may seem supportive, some may seem incredibly hurtful. However, ultimately, it's for you and her to decide. Once you've both made your decision, it's really nobody else's business.quade - The World's Most Boring Skydiver Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tunaplanet 0 #5 January 3, 2004 My official advice... You need 7 girlfriends named Monday through Sunday. Forty-two Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ZoneRat 0 #6 January 3, 2004 You fell in love with a perfect moment. Explore. See what you can see.“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophies.” Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hooked 0 #7 January 3, 2004 My advice........you fell in love with the moment. I say take it slow, get to know this girl again. You said it's been a while since you've seen her. You are young, don't rush into anything and think real hard about the responsibilities a child will hold for you. J -------------------------------------- Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Casch 0 #8 January 3, 2004 I appreciate everyones comments, and believe me, I'm not one to rush with actions, only thoughts. Unless Lacy picked up on entirely too subtle hints, she doesn't know that I feel the way I do. I am going to get to know her again, the way I used to know her. And I only hope that she is still the person I love now, when I get to know her even better. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sdgregory 0 #9 January 3, 2004 Here is the the question. You ready for it? You see that over there? Yeah over there? That pile of love right there on the floor. Try to fall in it. You don't see it? Why? Because love is not a thing it is an emotion. Guess what? This concept of falling IN love or being IN love is a fallacy. Love is a choice. And there are four kinds of love. The greeks had four different words for it. Storge - that "feeling of love" or affection that humans feel for one another. This is the instinctual love a Mother or Father feel for their children. It can easily become a possessive love. Eros - the root for erotic or sexual love based on physical attraction. This is the "Falling in love" type love that you are probably experiencing and you may even believe this to be more than what it is. It is temporary. It transports us beyond our problems and unhappiness or unrest as we feel another person fill an emptiness that we may not even know is there. It could easily never manifest itself in a physical way but it is the euphoria that we feel and that we think is real love. Phileo - The feeling of being strongly attached. This one developes as we begin to rely on another person and they on us. Other definitions are companionship type love based on similarity in outlook, interests or plans. Most marriages are first based on this kind of love. Agape - unconditional love. This is the love with no strings attached. I will love you no matter what. This is the love required to keep relationships of any kind together, because let's face it we are human and we all screw up and so sooner or later you will hurt the one you love and unless they have this love for you, the relationship will end. It is the love that allows for forgiveness no matter the cost. We in the English language use one word to describe all four. The first two, Storge and Eros, can happen instantaneously and it is arguable whether they are controllable. Storge is not what you would be experiencing here so we can eliminate that. Eros, on the other had, is what initially creates interest in a life partner, it is not the deciding factor and should in no way be the basis of a long term relationship. The last two, Agape and Phileo, take time to develope. Now these two, without question are a decision you make. You choose to love someone in this way. It is the love that builds over time and takes years of work to develope. Notice the word develope. It is mentioned here and has a definitive place. Because these loves absolutely require time together. You are probably through the first stage because of your age or stage in life. Because you have a history together you could easily believe you are experiencing second. Thees other two however, you have to give time, take time and learn more about one another before you can begin to make a decision. And You cannot get to Agape before you first choose to Phileo love one another. And many people, in fact most, never get to Agape. That is a private conversation we can have if you are interested. No place for the forums. Confusing huh? Yeah me too but I can say my wife feels this for me far greater than I her (for now because I am a self centered plick)but I am working on returning it because she gives me more than I ever deserve.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GravityGirl 0 #10 January 3, 2004 You can love her with all your heart without having to be in a serious relationship. I have male friends where the bond in insane.... in a wonderful way. Be in her life and Darrens. Love her. Be friends. Cherish all of those special moments. Don't try to put it into some kind of a mold. Like boyfriend or father. Just be. You'll know where to go from there. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Peace and Blue Skies! Bonnie ==>Gravity Gear! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rmsmith 1 #11 January 3, 2004 QuoteSo, can anyone understand, relate, explain, or care to comment on this? I think I love her, whats scary is that I want to be Darrens father figure...I'm 19... At your age you should be in the military. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sdgregory 0 #13 January 3, 2004 Good advice, short sweet and to the point. Not like my looooooooong-winnnnnnded as. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tunaplanet 0 #14 January 3, 2004 QuoteAt your age you should be in the military. Can I officially dub this the greatest advice of all-time? Forty-two Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpinjackflash 0 #15 January 3, 2004 Shit, I had great intentions of adding something insightful, and well though out... Fuck that, apparently, I was beat to the punch! Can we hear an Amen for Sean? And all the other posts! I've never had love defined side by side, I've heard em all in separate scenarios Sean, but you really rolled it up nice. Cool. To "Fell in Love with the moment", amen to that too. You liked the feel of darren in your arms, rock on brother, thats a good sign, that when the time comes, your going to be a special dad. You'll find nothing approaches the joy of your children. You like the feel of Lacy, rock on for that too. Enjoy the experience, revel in the moment. Good is good, no matter how you look at it. Like everyone says, take your time, roll with it, and let nature take it's course. If you two are meant for the long hall, then you'll know as the next two years (or any other "meaningful" time frame, not two weeks) pass. Too cool though, feels nice don't it? Peace jackIt's a gas, gas, gas... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
champu 1 #16 January 3, 2004 Quote'love' spelled backwards is one letter away from 'evil.'That is one of the funniest f%^&ing things I have ever read Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hooligan 0 #17 January 3, 2004 QuoteAt your age you should be in the military. i was in the military at 19..and in love at the same time. i say walk with it. see what happens. we alll have great stories from doin stuff, not, not doin stuff. adam j Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
base515 0 #18 January 3, 2004 Where's the father of the kid?She might just be in the hunt for a new one(hint).. Of course if she is into anal, she might be a keeper May we live long and die out Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sdgregory 0 #19 January 3, 2004 on that note . . . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mdbase 0 #20 January 3, 2004 QuoteWhere's the father of the kid?She might just be in the hunt for a new one(hint).. Of course if she is into anal, she might be a keeper And, if she is, you can use the kid to "shop lift the pooty".............. like in Jerry Mcguire-Bryan I love base like a fat kid loves cake Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Antithesis 0 #21 January 3, 2004 I think that you should throw everything that you have at her.. spill your guts... tell her that you love her.. commit to her and move in with her and her mom then when you've finnally realize that you've gone way too fast and that you're in over your head.. Pick up the pieces.. Move on.. lesson learned I travel the land, Work in the ocean, Play in the sky Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #22 January 5, 2004 nothing wrong with falling in love with a good person, at any age. BUT... two questions.... does the baby already have a father figure? If so, that person will want to be in the child's life. Take that into consideration. If not... Are you ready to be a dad, if it comes to that? You're not just dating the mother, you're also involved with the child. they're a package deal. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pick 0 #23 January 5, 2004 Quotenothing wrong with falling in love with a good person, at any age. BUT... two questions.... does the baby already have a father figure? If so, that person will want to be in the child's life. Take that into consideration. Good point.......and one that can cause immesurable stress on a relationship........probably even more on a young relationship. QuoteIf not... Are you ready to be a dad, if it comes to that? You're not just dating the mother, you're also involved with the child. they're a package deal. Being a dad involves allot more than the warm comfy feeling of a child crawling up on your lap to watch 'toons or the marginally trying times when they decide that they no longer like Cheerios and decide to test the flight properties of said Cheerios in Lion King plasticware. The laws of parenthood seem to indicate that the trying times are going to come when you feel least ready to deal with them. Picture the scenerio where you're between paychecks, money is even tighter than usual, you're already stressed from working yet another 12 hour shift the previous day....and you're facing another one in a few minutes.....THEN the loving child decides to launch the last of the Cheerios AND milk into a low-kitchen orbit........your car is out of gas, so cleaning up the mess, finding dry clothes for the child (and possibly even yourself), getting gas, getting to day-care, and arriving at work on time is completely out of the question. (and you're on your own.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #24 January 5, 2004 or the time where the kid discovers that a PBJ sandwich fits perfectly into the video cassette slot on the VCR... or that an ENTIRE BOX of raisins (sans box) fits into the tape player in your car... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pick 0 #25 January 5, 2004 I had to take the top off of the VCR a few times to retrieve stuff (to get it working FOR ME again!) but it wasn't for food.......it was usually worthless plastic toys from McDonalds happy meals. At this point, I figure it must have been some sort of poetic justice for being a single dad that can manage to cook and was just too lazy to do it. They never messed with the car much......at least inside........unless you count suckers, not-so-tasty-nerds and other unidentifiable sticky masses that attached themselves to the upholstry....... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
