Things NOT to say to a cop

[DaGimp 0]

The following incidents actually happened, the names have NOT been changed to protect the not so innocent.....

Incident 1

Cop over his loud speaker in his car:"Driver, turn off your ignition and drop your keys out the window."

Gimp thinks:"Shit i was only speeding"

Cop walks to window

Cop: "Do you know how long i have been chasing you?"

Gimp:"No sir."

Cop:"Six miles."

Gimp thinks:"Maybe you should have been driving faster."

Cop:" Do you know how fast you were going?"

Gimp:"No sir, speedometer stops at 80."

Cop:" Are you being a smartass son?"

Gimp:"No sir, what did you clock me at?"

Cop:"103MPH."

Gimp:"Ok, speedometer stops at 80MPH."


Incident 2

Cop:"Sargent, you know that the speed limit on this road is 50mph?"

Gimp:"I do now."

Cop:"You also know that on Fort Bragg Military reservation you can lose you lisence for going 20 over the speed limit?"



Cop:"Well i clocked you going 69mph."

Gimp:"Well, good thing i wasnt going 1 more mph faster then."



And yes....tickets were recieved in both cases.

"Professor of Pimpology"~~~Bolas

[flyangel2 2]

Quote

And yes....tickets were recieved in both cases.

But we still love you.

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

[sdgregory 0]

After flying down the road in my Dad's new Z28 back in 92 to see how fast it could go, I pulled into the Local Mini Mart and a cop pulled up behind me.

I get out as cop says "Where you coming from?"

Me: "That was me."

Cop (after Looooong pause) "You know hhow fast you were going?"

Me: "Nope but I had it floored"

Stunned Cop "You sure are honest aren't you?"

Me: "It is not like you did not see me."

Cop smiles and says keep it legal from now on and drives away. Yeah Me!

Last Easter My wife kids and I are driving to Adrian Michigan to visit some dear friends. She is driving because I actually hate the task anymore. Going up 23 she is doing 85. I warn her about holiday and bears. She keeps going.

Cop pulls her over and I start laughing.

Cop walks up and I am in tears I am laughing so hard.

Cop: "License and registration"

Me

Wife hands over documents.

Me "I told you you'd get nailed"

Cop leans over to look at me.

Me: "write her a ticket"

Cop hands wife documents and walks to my window.

I roll it down and he smiles. "License or ID"

Me: "um Okay"

Cop walks to wife's side of car says some nice things to her and then comes back to me.

Cop :"I am writing you a ticket for not wearing a seat belt. I am NOT writing her one because she suffers by being married to you. Have a nice easter."

[Vertifly 0]

Back when I was about 19 years old.

I get asked to come back and sit in the troopers car.

This actually happened.

The cop was taking a long time checking out my history. So I sat patiently. Then opened up my stupid mouth:

Me: "Bosses, Cops, and Shopping carts"

Cop: "What???"

Me: "Bosses, Cops, and Shopping carts. I have the worst luck with all of them."

Cop: "I don't understand. What happens?...you can't find the shopping carts?"

Me: "No, the wheel always wobbles and automatically pushes itself to the left."

Cop:

I don't think that he liked being compared to a shopping cart; however, that was my point to him exactly. His stopping me, at the time, mattered just about the same amount as a broken shopping cart.

He got the point, but I got the ticket.

Honestly, looking back, it was worth the extra hundred bucks and some license points to say that.

[lawrocket 3]

"Hi, Officer. Wanna see my new Almanac?"

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[sdgregory 0]

Great! How about Officer Can You show me in this map right under my almanac where I can find cheap gasoline and cheap fertilizer?

[EdC 0]

That works better if you are of middle eastern heritage and don't speak english very well.

Big Ed

[wzettler 0]

Thats good, I like that one..

I was 17:
Was sitting in a shopping center parking lot with some friends deciding what we were going to do next. My friend's girlfriend pisses me off and I said I was going home. I had two other friends in my car with me (Dad's Mercury Grand Marquis), one of which was high, the other of which was doing a drug that makes you hallucinate severely (which I will leave un-named here). We didn't have anything in the car at that point. Anyway, I'm pissed off, so I put it in drive and stomp on the gas. We peel wheels for about 20 feet and then are driving through the parking lot.
All of a sudden there is a cop on a bicycle next to my window shining a flashlight on me pedaling as hard as he can and yelling for me to pull over. I kind of laugh (not intending to stop) because hes on a bike, what is he going to do? Then from the other side, this crazy cop on another bicycle cuts in front of me, sacrificing himself and so I have to slam on the brakes and stop. I tell the guys in the car with me to shut the FU(K UP and don't say a word. They are freakin, but i get them calm enough.
Cop out of breath: What were you doing back there?
Me: You mean peeling out or not stopping?
Cop: Not stopping. whether a police officer is on a bike or in a car you HAVE to stop when he tells you to.
Me: Oh. My bad.
So he begins to write out the wreckless driving ticket (you have to go to court for this in VA by the way). Since he is on a bike he is writing it on the hood of my car. After rolling my window back down and leaning my head out:
Me: Excuse me, Officer.
He looks over.
Me: I don't think my dad would appreciate you writing on his hood. I'd appreciate it if you'd get yourself a clipboard.
He then gives me a look like he wants to drag me out of the car and beat my ass. He calls over a black and white and gets a clipboard, finishes writing and sends me on my way.
He called my dad and I got into a world of trouble but being 17 (and dumb) at the time, it was fun.

Whew, that was long, but that is a fun story to tell...

I think when Jesus said "love your enemy" he probably meant don't kill them.

[mr2mk1g 10]

one of my law lecturer back at uni was stopped for driving in the 2+ lane. When asked why he responded "beacuse I didnt see you". He gets a ticket of course but then being a good professor of law turns up, gets it overturned and is awarded costs.

My parents and I lived in Poland for a while during the later 70's and early 80's back when it was still Communist.

My mother in her western car (and with her lead foot) was often stopped by police and given a Mandat (officially an on-the-spot fine but in practice a way for the officers to line their pockets with western currencey). She would haggle them down to a reasonable figure (yes haggle), pay her $$ or ££ and drive off not caring as it was peanuts.

One time they wouldnt budge as much as usual so she sent me (small kid at time) to piss up against thier car. I dutifully obeyed my mother like a good little boy and pissed all up the side of their cruiser.

[happythoughts 0]

Leaving a bar one night, I decided to make a u-turn. I went off the edge of the road and my tires hit a wet spot and spun. One hit a rock and cut the tire to ribbons.

I got the flat tire off, put the new one on, and I am moving the flat one out of the way when the cop drives up.

"What are you doing there?" "Stealing flat tires."

[ChileRelleno 0]

Gimp, Gimp, Gimp... (shaking head)

ChileRelleno-Rodriguez Bro#414
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