Bicycle gangs (minor rant)

[crapflinger2000 1]

So I sometimes ride my bike around town.
Yesterday I encountered like 3 or 4 packs of 6 road bikers, each pack in team cycling wear, riding tightly spaced in two rows of three.

We were on a narrow trail, it was up to me to squeeze as far over to the side as possible while these goat-ass-fuckers didn't budge an inch, because, "hey, why should we have to move for a ghetto guy in a thermal top and riding a mere rockhopper? Look Pepe, he doesn't even have clip in bike shoes!"

These fuckers looked at me like I was some sort of dork-ass. I kept thinking, yeah dude, I am not the one who looks like an escapee from South Park's French Canada. I wanted to shove my bike pump in their friggen spokes like that movie "Breaking Away".

"Team Cinzano this, motherfuckers!"

__________________________________________________
What would Vic Mackey do?

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

Least they aren't as bad as skaters in town

____________________
Say no to subliminal messages

[DJL 235]

Maybe they said, "Hey, it's that guy from Dawson's Creek, let's run him off the trail."

"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher

[crapflinger2000 1]

Yeah, I guess I would wanna run me off the trail too...

__________________________________________________
What would Vic Mackey do?

[meltdown 0]

Dude, I feel your pain. I'm a mountain bike guy riding in my sweatshirt over the trail on the side of the road, and here comes the group of fru-fru road bikers in full spandex technicolor duds, looking at me like I'm some kind of leper. Just ignore 'em, and remember you can take your bike places they can only dream of.

[crapflinger2000 1]

Actually I am more of a road biker myself, I just like having the option of going somewhat yucky places if need-be. If I were to look at my bike as a car, it would be a Quattro.

Nice to have a Mt Bike-type bike for riding some of the wetland trails along the SF Bay...

__________________________________________________
What would Vic Mackey do?

[Remster 30]

Quote

I am not the one who looks like an escapee from South Park's French Canada

I think there's a personal attack somewhere in there....

Remster

[Kramer 0]

I hear ya man. I had these assholes who would always ride on lunch break at the place I worked last summer. I would be out jogging on the road they would ride on, they would always whistle ahead to me to move out of their way so they wouldn't have to break formation or stride. I never once heard a "thank you" from them.

Fucking upper management pricks.

...did I say that???

-Kramer

The FAKE KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMER!!!!!!!!!

[rehmwa 2]

Since you are on foot (jogging into traffic - left side of the road) and they are on bikes (riding with the direction of traffic - right side). Why would they need to whistle at all since you can both see each other coming from a ways off? (i.e., no one should be coming up from behind the other.....)

Or is this just a narrow, one-direction, path?

...
Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants

[crapflinger2000 1]

Not really, as South Park's French Canada is a fictional place... unless Quebec actually DOES look like Cirque Du Soleil run amok.

__________________________________________________
What would Vic Mackey do?

[Remster 30]

Quote

unless Quebec actually DOES look like Cirque Du Soleil run amok.

And what if we do?



Now, sorry, I must log off and go twirl around some.

Remster

[Dagny 0]

Why should I break my pace or my finely formed line when I'm drafting so well? You should feel honored to be able to stand so close to the beauty that is my group ride. Stand in awe of my brightly colored spandex and clipless pedals. Step aside and contemplate your worthlessness as my group bikes past. We are hurried, but most Important People are, don't you know?

Take me, I am the drug; take me, I am hallucinogenic.
-Salvador Dali

[QuickDraw 0]

Quote

"Team Cinzano this, motherfuckers!"

Mace anyone ?

-- Hope you don't die. --

I'm fucking winning

[EricaH 0]

K, I have 'clipless' peddles... but why are they called clipless when they are the one's w/ clips?

Is it like the star-bellied sneetches & the sneetches w/o that couldn't get along on the beaches?

oh, i hate those guys too, unless I'm one of them. then you better get oudda da way, cuz i'll run you over!

There is no can't. Only lack of knowledge or fear. Only you can fix your fear.

PMS #227 (just like the TV show)

[lemonjelly 0]

Had one same!
Was riding Mt bike around the hill of Aviemore, Scotland. A pack of 6 brightly clolured man shapes pass, expecting me to 'move over' and showing their dissappreciation by the 'facial distortion insult'
Anyway, about 5-6 miles down I then see them again, stationary at a junction. Turns out, they've fuckin lost their way
So, as anyone would, I offered them directions in the 'one fingered manner'
SHEER BLISS

*************************************************
RED LIGHTS & OFF LANDINGS ARE JUST MY THANG
http://www.redlightrob.co.uk

[ChileRelleno 0]

I used to be a avid Mtn biker and we'd usually ride the street to our local trails and encounter "roadies". We never moved for them, screwwww that!
Of course there where persnickety pricks on the trails too but on the trail you observed etiquette and usually had it returned.

ChileRelleno-Rodriguez Bro#414
Hellfish#511,MuffBro#3532,AnvilBro#9, D24868

[skydivexxl 0]

Hitting a bike with your car is 10 points in my neighborhood! If they ride 2-wide, you get a double bonus!

I have black a "X" on my door for each confirmed hit!

Blog Clicky

[AdD 1]

3 hours on my road bike on saturday. It was -22 without wind chill. I was happy when the hypothermia kicked in and the pain from the headwind went away. ROADIES FOREVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life is ez
On the dz
Every jumper's dream
3 rigs and an airstream

[Kolla 0]

Yeah... Roadies Unite!

Biking rocks. You road-slugs taking up perfectly good cycling space should bow in honor and awe every time a roadie goes by, for there goes someone that isn't going to sue McDonalds for making him/her fat.
Besides, we have cool spandex outfits and the rest of you are just plain jealous.

Oh and Andy.... no more demos for you mister, until you stop driving over cyclists

Blooos!
Kolla

Blue Skies Magazine

[skydivexxl 0]

Quote

Oh and Andy.... no more demos for you mister, until you stop driving over cyclists

Blooos!
Kolla

I KNOW nobody on this little site took me serious!!!!

1. I bought the Stiletto (see pic) (Thanks Kolla!!!
2. I put 2000 hilly miles on my bike in 1 year-700 in 1 week a few years back. Clicky

3. Can't we (cars and bikes) all get along? I live in the most bike friendly city in the country, and they still whine like little kids!

Blog Clicky

[freeflir29 0]

Isn't this how the whole RW Vs. Free Fly thing got started?

[riggerrob 643]

Yeah crapflinger,
I see those gangs of Spandex-clad, froo froo road bikers every Sunday morning while riding to work at Pitt Meadows Airport.
What they don't understand is that my beater mountain bike has provided me with hundreds of hours of enjoyment riding dykes along the Pitt, Fraser, Allouette and Coquitlam Rivers.

[Dagny 0]

Quote

What they don't understand is that my beater mountain bike has provided me with hundreds of hours of enjoyment riding dykes along the Pitt, Fraser, Allouette and Coquitlam Rivers.

HA! What you fail to understand, my road challenged friend, is that the hours I spend pushing miles on my road bike make me a much stronger mountain biker. That means I'm fully capable of out-riding you off road. HA HA! You can look for me out there, I'll be the one busting up some ground in front of you. Don't worry, I'll clear you a nice path so you don't fatigue too fast!

Power to the roadies!

Take me, I am the drug; take me, I am hallucinogenic.
-Salvador Dali

[PhillyKev 0]

You all look silly while I sit there sipping a beer watching you riding a bike from point A back to point A. It's like a dog chasing its tail...there's no point to it, but I guess it's fun. Doesn't give me too much confidence in the dogs brain power, though.

[lawrocket 3]

Our nation is afflicted with a plague of bicycles. Everywhere the public right-of-way is glutted with whirring, unbalanced contraptions of rubber, wire, and cheap steel pipe. Riders of these flimsy appliances pay no heed to stop signs or red lights. They dart from between parked cars, dash along double yellow lines, and whiz through crosswalks right over the toes of law-abiding citizens like me.

In the cities, every lamppost, tree, and street sign is disfigured by a bicycle slathered in chains and locks. And elevators must be shared with the cycling faddist so attached to his "moron's bath-chair" that he has to take it with him everywhere he goes.

In the country, one cannot drive around a curve or over the crest of a hill without encountering a gaggle of huffing bicyclers spread across the road in suicidal phalanx.

Even the wilderness is not safe from infestation, as there is now such a thing as an off-road bicycle and a horrible sport called "bicycle-cross."

The ungainly geometry and primitive mechanicals of the bicycle are an offense to the eye. The grimy and perspiring riders of the bicycle are an offense to the nose. And the very existence of the bicycle is an offense to reason and wisdom.

PRINCIPAL ARGUMENTS WHICH MAY BE MARSHALED AGAINST BICYCLES

1. Bicycles are childish
Bicycles have their proper place, and that place is under small boys delivering evening papers. Insofar as children are too short to see over the dashboards of cars and too small to keep motorcycles upright at intersections, bicycles are suitable vehicles for them. But what are we to make of an adult in a suit and tie pedaling his way to work? Are we to assume he still delivers newspapers for a living? If not, do we want a doctor, lawyer, or business executive who plays with toys? St. Paul, in his First Epistle to the Corinthians, 13:11, said, "When I became a man, I put away childish things." He did not say, "When I became a man, I put away childish things and got more elaborate and expensive childish things from France and Japan."

Considering the image projected, bicycling commuters might as well propel themselves to the office with one knee in a red Radio Flyer wagon.

2. Bicycles are undignified
A certain childishness is, no doubt, excusable. But going about in public with one's head between one's knees and one's rump protruding in the air is nobody's idea of acceptable behavior.

It is impossible for an adult to sit on a bicycle without looking the fool. There is a type of woman, in particular, who should never assume the bicycling posture. This is the woman of ample proportions. Standing on her own feet she is a figure to admire-classical in her beauty and a symbol, throughout history, of sensuality, maternal virtue, and plenty. Mounted on a bicycle, she is a laughingstock.

In a world where loss of human dignity is such a grave and all-pervading issue, what can we say about people who voluntarily relinquish all of theirs and go around looking at best like Quixote on Rosinante and more often like something in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade? Can such people be trusted? Is a person with so little self-respect likely to have any respect for you?

3. Bicycles are unsafe
Bicycles are top-heavy, have poor brakes, and provide no protection to their riders. Bicycles are also made up of many hard and sharp components which, in collision, can do grave damage to people and the paint finish on automobiles. Bicycles are dangerous things.

Of course, there's nothing wrong, per se, with dangerous things. Speedboats, racecars, fine shotguns, whiskey, and love are all very dangerous. Bicycles, however, are dangerous without being any fun. You can't shoot pheasants with a bicycle or water-ski behind it or go 150 miles an hour or even mix it with soda and ice. And the idea of getting romantic on top of a bicycle is alarming. All you can do with one of these ten-speed sink traps is grow tired and sore and fall off it.

Being dangerous without being fun puts bicycles in a category with open-heart surgery, the war in Vietnam, the South Bronx, and divorce. Sensible people do all that they can to avoid such things as these.

4. Bicycles are un-American
We are a nation that worships speed and power. And for good reason. Without power we would still be part of England and everybody would be out of work. And if it weren't for speed, it would take us all months to fly to L.A., get involved in the movie business, and become rich and famous.

Bicycles are too slow and impuissant for a country like ours. They belong in Czechoslovakia...

5. I don't like the kind of people who ride bicycles
At least I think I don't. I don't actually know anyone who rides a bicycle. But the people I see on bicycles look like organic-gardening zealots who advocate federal regulation of bedtime and want American foreign policy to be dictated by UNICEF. These people should be confined.

I apologize if I have the wrong impression. It may be that bicycle riders are all members of the New York Stock Exchange, Methodist bishops, retired Marine Corps drill instructors, and other solid citizens. However, the fact that they cycle around in broad daylight making themselves look like idiots indicates that they're crazy anyway and should be confined just the same.

6. Bicycles are unfair
Bicycles use the same roads as cars and trucks yet they pay no gasoline tax, carry no license plates, are not required to have insurance, and are not subject to DOT, CAFE, or NHTSA regulations. Furthermore, bicyclists do not have to take driver's examinations, have eye tests when they're over sixty-five, carry registration papers with them, or submit to breathalyzer tests under the threat of law. And they never get caught in radar traps.

The fact (see No. 5, above) that bicycles are ridden by the very people who most favor government interference in life makes the bicycle's special status not only unfair but an outright incitement to riot.

Equality before the law is the cornerstone of democracy. Bicycles should be made to carry twenty-gallon tanks of gasoline. They should be equipped with twelve-volt batteries and a full complement of taillights, headlamps, and turn signals. They should have seat belts, air bags, and safety-glass windows too. And every bicycle rider should be inspected once a year for hazardous defects and be made to wear a number plate hanging around his neck and another on the seat of his pants.

7. Bicycles are good exercise
And so is swinging through trees on your tail. Mankind has invested more than four million years of evolution in the attempt to avoid physical exertion. Now a group of backward-thinking atavists mounted on foot-powered pairs of Hula-Hoops would have us pumping our legs, gritting our teeth, and searing our lungs as though we were being chased across the Pleistocene savanna by saber-toothed tigers. Think of the hopes, the dreams, the effort, the brilliance, the pure force of will that, over the eons, has gone into the creation of the Cadillac Coupe de Ville. Bicycle riders would have us throw all this on the ash heap of history.

What must be done about about the bicycle threat?
Fortunately, nothing. Frustrated truck drivers and irate cabbies make a point of running bicycles off the road. Terrified old ladies jam umbrella ferrules into wheel spokes as bicycles rush by them on sidewalks. And all of us have occasion to back over bicycles that are haplessly parked.

Bicycles are quiet and slight, difficult for normal motorized humans to see and hear. People pull out in front of bicycles, open car doors in their path, and drive through intersections filled with the things. The insubstantial bicycle and its unshielded rider are defenseless against these actions. It's a simple matter of natural selection. The bicycle will be extinct within the decade. And what a relief that will be.

© P.J. O'Rourke

My wife is hotter than your wife.