ladyskydiver 0 #1 January 21, 2004 Received this in an email from my mom and had to share. *********** Why Women Are Crabby! We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on our backs. Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for the first time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse, leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.) Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learn to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby. Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee our pants every time we sneeze. When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more (or 10) good push." warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the bastard (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb. bowling ball through a keyhole. After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines. The teen years. Need I say more? The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our mid-30's to early 40's while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday (which just happens to be the reason all that early hot man sex got you pregnant in the first place). Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take the HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves. Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks... Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would make the Great Ghandi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me. *********Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dzdiva 7 #2 January 21, 2004 ROFL!!! Thanks, I needed that!"It's not just a daydream if you choose to make it your life..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blahr 0 #3 January 21, 2004 Its good to be a man Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
grega 0 #4 January 21, 2004 You are soaking your socks when peeing in the woods? EEWWWWW "George just lucky i guess!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #5 January 21, 2004 Thankfully, no....I figured out my way around that one a long time ago. Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
2fat2fly 0 #6 January 21, 2004 This is funny. I'm sending a copy to my wife and I'm going to run out right now and pee in the woods...just cuz I canI am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MochaSkyChick 0 #7 January 21, 2004 Too funny! PMS #62 Zarza R[red Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #8 January 21, 2004 Even for guys, there is a rule. Pee downhill. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #9 January 21, 2004 QuoteIts good to be a man Being a man rules!!! __________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #10 January 21, 2004 With all their problems, it is amazing that we spend so much time around them. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FrogNog 1 #11 January 21, 2004 QuoteEven for guys, there is a rule. Pee downhill. Word. And downwind, when applicable. -=-=-=-=- Pull. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #12 January 21, 2004 Quote Thankfully, no....I figured out my way around that one a long time ago. It's called being 'bush-broke' - a must for any woman who doesn't confine herself to places with a toilet within 100 yds. Comes in verrry handy... (just don't forget your flashlight when you stumble off drunk into the woods at night to pee, successfully keeping your shoes and socks dry, only to walk nose-first into a tree brach jutting across the path you thought you were on......but I digress) you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumperconway 0 #13 January 21, 2004 (just don't forget your flashlight when you stumble off drunk into the woods at night to pee, successfully keeping your shoes and socks dry, only to walk nose-first into a tree brach jutting across the path you thought you were on......but I digress) That's funny as shit Rebecca! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #14 January 21, 2004 Thanks Conway! It got worse. I fell on my butt (thank GOD there was nothing under me), rubbed my nose in surprise and felt blood. Then I used my scrunchie to mop it up a little, crawled into two wrong tents before I found mine, and woke up to find my nose had been replaced with a small ripe plum. So, like I said, girls, learn to be bush-broke, guys, be glad you don't have to, and everyone, remember your flashlight! you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brains 2 #15 January 21, 2004 i'm laughing even more that you explained it further. Never look down on someone, unless they are going down on you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #16 January 21, 2004 HOORAY! I love it when I make people laugh!! It got sadder, actually. The following weekend I had to accept an award in front of ~1000 people. With a purple nose that make-up didn't quite cover... you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyinghonu 0 #17 January 21, 2004 LMAO . However, I would never ever ever want to be a man . Wait, but then I would get paid more for doing the same job. I could sit in front of the TV w/ my hand down my pants and that would be normal. I could fart and people would think its funny instead of gross. I could use words like f*ck without being told it unlady like, etc., etc. Hmmm........... "Excuse me while I kiss the sky..." - Jimi Hendrix Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #18 January 21, 2004 QuoteLMAO . However, I would never ever ever want to be a man . Wait, but then I would get paid more for doing the same job. I could sit in front of the TV w/ my hand down my pants and that would be normal. I could fart and people would think its funny instead of gross. I could use words like f*ck without being told it unlady like, etc., etc. Hmmm........... Life is good . . . but there are more perks than that . . . You would no longer have to ask directions, You could write your name in the snow, burp as loud as you want to . . . But there are down sides - like . . . You have to listen to the crabbiness - Gawd thats annoying. edited to add - But when a woman goes out to get laid - she KNOWS it will happen.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladyskydiver 0 #19 January 21, 2004 Quoteedited to add - But when a woman goes out to get laid - she KNOWS it will happen. I think the most favorite phrase I ever heard in regards to that is: Woman to man: "With one of these, I can get as many of those as I want." Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paige 0 #20 January 21, 2004 That was so funny but sadly true. Us females put up with a lot of shit the guys don't. The weaker sex, ha!Tunnel Pink Mafia Delegate www.TunnelPinkMafia.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #21 January 21, 2004 Quoteedited to add - But when a woman goes out to get laid - she KNOWS it will happen. For a quickie, a girl can pick up really good looking guys. For some committment, she has to look on next row. The guy that a girl marries is sometimes the homeliest guy she ever dated. It works out to guys advantage again. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Casie 0 #22 January 21, 2004 Cute~Porn Kitty WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diablopilot 2 #23 January 21, 2004 Quoteis having sex for the first time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils Really? One would wonder why you gals would ever try it again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. ---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #24 January 21, 2004 They NEED to please us, thats why . . . I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diablopilot 2 #25 January 21, 2004 Quote right AHEAD of you!---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
