spidermonky 0 #1 January 24, 2004 Is this original Ivan? ----- Starting in January 2004 ...... Dress Code: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Armani, We assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. Sick Days: We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If You are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Personal Days: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. Toilet Use: Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a Strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy! Lunch Break: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere. The Management Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflir29 0 #2 January 24, 2004 Original? Nope......it's posted on the wall in my office. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
