RApril 0 #1 February 2, 2004 Hello, I have a religion-question that didn't realy fit into the other threads that were floating around right now. This is why start a new thread. Anyway, I just want to get some opinions. I am methodist and am engaged to a Catholic. We haven't really started planning anything yet but his family is very insitant that I convert. I don't want to convert. I love my religion. But this is quicky becoming a big issue with his family. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you deal with it. Is this typical of the catholic faith or is it unusual. I don't really see how it matters if we love each other. Thanks in advance. ~A~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #2 February 2, 2004 it is somewhat typical, unfortunately. What does your fiance have to say? If he isn't standing up to his family about something as important to you as this, re-evaluating the wiseness of the marriage might be a good move at this time. Your religion is a part of you. He and his family need to understand that. Are you ok with kids being baptized catholic? (methodist religion recognizes catholic baptism, so no worries here) Are you ok with kids being raised catholic? Are you ok with being married in a catholic church/catholic ceremony? Those are probably the three biggest issues with the family. The wedding can simply be a ceremony without a mass. Its shorter, which is nice on your guests, and is permitted for a Catholic/Non Catholic marriage. If you do a mass, you can't take communion, which may be what is worrying your future in-laws (they may be concerned about what other catholics might think, etc...). If you don't have a mass, but just a reading or two, and the ceremony, that removes this issue. You can also have your methodist minister work with a catholic priest to come up with a ceremony that works for both of you, with dual officials. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #3 February 2, 2004 My sister married a catholic. He really wanted it in a catholic church. They didn't require her to convert, but she had to sign some pledge to abide by certain catholic rules such as not using birth control. She told her husband-to-be that as long as he didn't mind that she was lying that she would agree to the rules so they could get married in a catholic church, and that's what they did. Just another example of catholic hypocrisy. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MarkM 0 #4 February 2, 2004 His family needs to get over it and he needs to realize that he's marrying you, not his family. My family was raised Methodist(which I also like, it's just a very easy going branch) and my sister married a Catholic. She converted, but it was done due to convenience. If he's not going to shut down his family on this issue, then what happens when you have kids? Your step parents are going to piss and moan about them also being Catholic. You can't handle that crap unless your SO is going to stand by you and stand up to his family. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mailin 0 #5 February 2, 2004 I have recently gone through this myself... lie... The Catholic church has MANY worthless rules and they don't make you a better christian if you do or do not abide by them. I'm catholic, and my husband is a baptised catholic but never received the holy communion or confirmation - as such we had to jump through hoops, and it was very frustrating to us... alot of it had to do with miss communication on the part of the priest/church. In the end, we ended up lying. My husband couldn't get his confirmation in time for the wedding so we 'promised' to get it done after the wedding. The announcement for confirmation classes was never put in the church bulletin and the priest called me at WORK(!) to yell at me that he hadn't attended confirmation classes yet. We don't go anymore... JenniferArianna Frances Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #6 February 2, 2004 I don’t believe that it is Possible for someone to change deeply held Religious beliefs. If you did what they are asking and your heart was not completely behind it, it would be a disgrace and insulting to both Religions. You ask if this is typical of the Catholic Faith?? I think it is typical of most religious faiths. I know many Jewish Families that absolutely insist that family members marry other Jewish people and have seen families torn apart when one marries outside the faith. As for his Family insisting you change Faiths, Tell them to shove their Inquisition up their Ass. You cannot change what you believe in your heart to be true. Your religious beliefs are a part of who you are. Now if you and your Fiancé do truly have differing Religious Beliefs, It could cause problems in the Marriage later on and it is a good idea to discuss this now and completely understand (and respect) each others beliefs. How will you raise your children? What faith will you force on them? Will you have a Catholic Christening? Baptism (Catholic or Methodist)? Definitely spend a lot of time discussing these issues and others, but don’t let his family dictate what you can and cannot believe. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #7 February 2, 2004 Heh. An affidavid (sp) to the church?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ChasingBlueSky 0 #8 February 2, 2004 As far as the Catholic Church is concerned, this isn't a big deal. Intra-faith marriages happen all the time, and there are passages about it in Canon Law. In fact, we were talking about this last night during the Super Bowl - most of my friends went to the Seminary with me, and there was a priest there last night as well (he was a classmate of mine). My sister is marrying a Jewish guy this summer, and my friend (former seminarian) is marrying a Jewish girl this fall. The parents have no right to force you to change faiths, but in the eyes of the Catholic Church, the kids are usually raised in the Mother's faith....that is probably why they are pressing the issue. Legally, intra-faith marriages are the same when it comes to the license. If you have the wedding in your church, you will need a Catholic priest on hand to bless the union as well - this is the only way the church will recognize the marriage. Here is something interesting - if a intra-faith marriage happens outside the Catholic church, and there was never a priest on hand to bless it, an anulment is never needed and the Church feels that you were never married._________________________________________ you can burn the land and boil the sea, but you can't take the sky from me.... I WILL fly again..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #9 February 2, 2004 a CHURCH annullment wouldn't be needed. Annullment is also a legal proceeding that voids a marriage. (see: Britney) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
murrays 0 #10 February 2, 2004 My advice is to find someone else to marry. You'll avoid a lot of conflict in your life. The issue won't go away. Wait until you have kids..it will get worse.-- Murray "No tyranny is so irksome as petty tyranny: the officious demands of policemen, government clerks, and electromechanical gadgets." - Edward Abbey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pds 0 #11 February 3, 2004 try meeting them at the door smeared in pigs blood, tell them that you were just starting and invite them in..... it works on jehovas witnesses.namaste, motherfucker. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tonto 1 #12 February 3, 2004 Why isn't he considering converting to the Methodist faith? I guess the next think would be that he wants you to change your name, right? What's next? tIt's the year of the Pig. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
