Saddam Hussein Admits no WMDs

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Saddam Backs Off His Assertion that He Had Weapons of Mass Destruction, Agrees to Bipartisan Inquiry

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WASHINGTON, DC — George Bush and Tony Blair were not the only ones who were fooled into thinking that Iraq possessed weapons of mass destruction. Saddam Hussein was under the same delusion, believing he could deploy chemical weapons against foreign invaders or his own people in 45 minutes.

Speaking from the white-tiled, men's toilet where he has been imprisoned since his capture, Saddam acknowledged for the first time this week that his weapons of mass destruction may not have existed at the time the Iraq War began.

The evolving position of the Hussein Administration followed criticism of Iraqi Information Ministry reports about the weapons. Saddam has claimed that he relied on these reports as the reason for resisting the invasion by the US and was not merely using them as a pretext for resistance.

"I relied on the reports from the Information Ministry," Saddam said though a tiny air hole in his cell, "and particularly from the Information Minister himself. He could be so persuasive! And I also watched CNN and heard Blair and Bush confirming what I had been told. It now appears that the Information Ministry was passing on flawed information, and that we were all wrong."

Shiite critics of the Hussein Administration have called for an investigation of the Information Ministry and for its complete overhaul. Even Sunnis loyal to the Hussein Administration are focusing on how the Information Ministry gathered prewar information, while Shiites are going further and calling for an investigation of how Hussein's office used the information it received.

Saddam also backed away from his previous assertions that his weapons of mass destruction would eventually be found. He maintained, however, that he had done the right thing in resisting the US invasion because it was clear that his scientists were at least working on weapons PROGRAMS.

"Who knows?" said Saddam. "If I'd been able to resist long enough, we might have been able to build those weapons. And I was definitely interested in acquiring or building nuclear weapons. I'd been on eBay trying to get someone to sell me a centrifuge and some uranium, but I kept getting out bid. So let's have an enquiry to decide whose hands we will cut off."

Saddam insisted that up until the time of his capture he was still looking for the weapons, including searching in underground bunkers. "That's why I was down in that hole."