Bytch's best stress reliever

[skybytch 273]

Hurt? Angry? Upset? Want to beat the everloving shit out of that asshole who never calls or just dumped you?

Don't risk jail time for assault and battery. Just follow the Bytch's foolproof plan for getting rid of all that anger and tension.

1) Open your refrigerator. You should have a stalk of celery in the crisper. Remove it from the plastic bag and place it on the counter.

2) Take a deep breath.

3) Break off a piece from the stalk. Hold it at it's base with your dominant hand.

4) Stand in front of the counter with the celery holding hand at your side.

5) Raise the celery as high as you can above your head.

6) Imagine the asshole's face on the counter.

7) Commence beating the everloving shit out of him/her. Don't stop til the piece of celery is a piece of green stringy mush.

8) Feel better? No? Break off another piece from the stalk. Repeat steps 3 - 7 until you do feel better, or until you're out of celery.

If you do feel better after obliterating the first piece, you weren't nearly upset enough to need this exercise; STFU and go have a beer.

You're welcome.

Oh, and does anyone have any extra celery they could send me? I seem to have run out.

Strange, I had like 10 stalks in there...

[eeneR 3]

Celery is on the way!!!!

She is not a "Dumb Blonde" - She is a "Light-Haired Detour Off The Information Superhighway."
eeneR
TF#72, FB#4130, Incauto

[Jimbo 0]

Damn!

Hope you feel better, Lisa.

-
Jim

"Like" - The modern day comma
Good bye, my friends. You are missed.

[Stacy 0]

I think throwing watermelons sounds fun. or doing that thing Gallagher used to do in his shows, bashing one with a mallet. I've always wanted to do that.

__

[flyangel2 2]

OH NO! The state of Florida will have to hide their celery.
Not to worry, Renee and I will send reinforcements.

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

[flypunk 0]

usualy sex is a better stress reliever, come on just make the booty call.

...

[ltdiver 3]

Need another dip in the Bombshelter pool, Lisa?

ltdiver

Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon

[turtlespeed 226]

Quote

Need another dip in the Bombshelter pool, Lisa?

ltdiver

I gotta dip for ya!

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[Tinkerbelle 5]

Remember when sex was safe and skydiving was dangerous?! You know I have heard that there are 250 million new cases of aids every year! Makes you think twice about that bootie call these days, doesn't it? And that's not to mention any of the other stuff you can catch! EEEEYYYYUUUU Yuck! You never know what could be lurking in that warm, damp, dark place!

[rhino 0]

/me throws the Bytch a buncho celery

[nacmacfeegle 0]

"usualy sex is a better stress reliever"

You could involve the celery in the sex act....or is that just me?

--------------------

He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. Thomas Jefferson

[fudd 0]

I believe Skybytch is a secret agent for the celery industry. It will start with some few skydivers. Soon the whole world will follow. Everybody will be smashing celery. As demand outgrow the supplie, prices for celery will skyrocket.
The high price for celery will anger the people of the world. To deal with that anger, we will need celery!

Skybytch will get very, very rich!

There are only 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.