billvon 3,131 #1 February 25, 2004 Y'know, I was just thinking. We have this constitutional amendment being proposed, and constitutional amendments are one of the toughest and most time-consuming things to get passed by our government. To save time, why not bundle several amendments together, and save all that time and bickering so we can get on with the real business of government, which is regulating Janet Jackson's breasts? We could also clear up all the hoopla over the Jose Padilla case and the Patriot Act at the same time. The condensed Bill of No Rights: Amendment XXVII You have no right to marry anyone unless your marriage is approved by the government. The government will approve marriages between unrelated, fertile non-pervert men and women only. A government task force on unusual sexual positions, comprised of appointed leaders from all approved religions, will determine the standards for "non-pervert." Amendment XXIX You have no right to privacy in your personal effects. In order to fight terror, the government will have the right to seize and search anyone's email or personal documents. All details of who can be searched, what can be searched etc will remain secret. Amendment XXX You have no right to free expression of religion unless you belong to an approved religion. The Catholic, Protestant, Baptist and Episcopal religions will be approved; Judaism is OK with a waiver. The following will not be approved: Hinduism. The pledge says "one nation under God" not "under Gods." Buddhism. Too hard to figure out if they have one god or not. Islam. Fighting terror and all that. Wiccan. Those people are just too wierd. Amendment XXXI You have no right to a trial by jury unless you commit an approved crime. Approved crimes will include shoplifting, illegal campaign contributions, corporate fraud and lying to congress. People committing unapproved crimes will be imprisoned forever with no access to legal representation in a secret military prison. Amendment XXXII The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the President of the United States and his staff. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #2 February 25, 2004 Were you reading 1984??? There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pleifer 0 #3 February 25, 2004 that works.... lmao _________________________________________ The Angel of Duh has spoke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
McDuck 0 #4 February 25, 2004 I'm having a hard time not bursting into laughter in my SQL Server class. I need to put dz.com on hold until this class is done. Funny as all get out, dude. And scary...Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kennedy 0 #5 February 25, 2004 You left out Amendment XXXIII You have no right to carry firerams. You have no right to own firearms. You have no right to use firearms. You know what, don't even use the word firearms ever again.witty subliminal message Guard your honor, let your reputation fall where it will, and outlast the bastards. 1* Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tinfoil 0 #6 February 25, 2004 The Bill of NO Rights The following was written by State Representative Mitchell Kaye from Cobb County, GA. We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional and other liberal, bed wetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights. ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything. ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be. ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy. ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes. ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care. ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair. ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure. ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat. ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness - which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights. “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ” Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
McDuck 0 #7 February 25, 2004 QuoteYou left out Amendment XXXIII You have no right to carry firerams. You have no right to own firearms. You have no right to use firearms. You know what, don't even use the word firearms ever again. Even if my arms were on fire? Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyIvan 0 #8 February 25, 2004 Like this?__________________________________________ Blue Skies and May the Force be with you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kennedy 0 #9 February 25, 2004 heh, yeah, I like that one better. Any chance we can get that added to the marriage definition amendment?witty subliminal message Guard your honor, let your reputation fall where it will, and outlast the bastards. 1* Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
McDuck 0 #10 February 25, 2004 Dude, hand that badge in now. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #11 February 25, 2004 QuoteLike this? Abuse of authority...check the contents not just the subject before screaming repost Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiverRick 0 #12 February 25, 2004 QuoteQuoteLike this? Abuse of authority...check the contents not just the subject before screaming repost Uh oh....Do I smell scandal within the repost police department? never pull low......unless you are Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JJohnson 0 #13 February 25, 2004 Real scary isn't it. I'm am against big governement and control. Against legislation that replaces common sense....in fact I'm all for anarchy.JJ "Call me Darth Balls" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
winsor 236 #14 February 25, 2004 QuoteWere you reading 1984??? Orwell was an optimist. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tinfoil 0 #15 February 25, 2004 QuoteDude, hand that badge in now. Now now, Ivan was right, he just replied to the wrong post, mine was a repost. But is it so wrong to put something back in the spot light? Once a thread hits two pages or so people lose interest, it fades and dies in the archives. Reposting something just allows new people to give their opinions, or lets the older folks laugh again. But I did like the link Ivan posted, hehe, comparing George W to Animal Farm But this is getting off topic. Kennedy: Sure it should be include gay marriages. It would just be something along the lines that you can't discriminate and that I have a right seek happiness especially when it doesn't affect anyone except the people involved. But I don't have to deal with any of that, I'm Canadian! Same sex marriages have been legal in Ontario for a few months. “- - Sumo is the greatest of sports. It has power, grace, speed and cluture. And most importantly, two fat bastards smacking the shit out of each other. ” Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
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