Muenkel 0 #1 February 28, 2004 Most of you know the story of my head injury and prior to that a tear in my inner ear canal that caused horrible ear pain and vertigo. I'll be honest, the last 6 1/2 months have been a living hell and I still have another year to go. I'm at the point where I feel like if I simply stub a toe it will put me over the edge. For the first time in my life, I actually wished I died that day, and I am not kidding. I know there are many people who have it much worse than me. I'm not denying it. I might just be a wuss. Anyway, I'm trying to take it one day at a time, but it seems like an eternity. I will admit that I do sometimes have good days and I thank God for those. Thanks for letting me vent. Chris _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dagny 0 #2 February 28, 2004 Know that you're not alone. Lows, highs...they're all part of life and I've been there. We've all been there. Different reasons, maybe, but still... That probably doesn't make your situation any easier for you, but you've got friends. You're alive. There are things to be thankful for. Find them and embrace them. I had a real low point in my life a few years ago where I found myself at a crossroads. I decided, on one night in particular, that I needed to make a decision about the next step. I prayed for one of two things...the courage to end it all or the courage to let the past go and take on the future. I chose to let the past go and take each new day as it came. Not an easy decision, but one I've never regretted. In the years since that day, things have definitely improved for me and I'm certain they will continue to get better as time passes. Your future has endless potential. The journey might not be an easy one, but you have friends to help you along the way and a lot to look forward to. One thing that always made me feel a bit better...reminding myself that when you hit bottom, there is no where else to go, but up. Keep looking up, friend.Take me, I am the drug; take me, I am hallucinogenic. -Salvador Dali Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #3 February 28, 2004 QuoteFor the first time in my life, I actually wished I died that day, and I am not kidding. Chris I don't know of a person on earth that, if honest, hasn't had one of those moments... QuoteI know there are many people who have it much worse than me. I'm not denying it. I might just be a wuss. And you need to find some of those people and ask them how they continue on. QuoteAnyway, I'm trying to take it one day at a time, but it seems like an eternity. You need to, because it will seem like eternity. Speaking from experience. I was only 12 when i went through this process, but I made it through even with my limited understanding of why I was in pain at that young age. QuoteI will admit that I do sometimes have good days and I thank God for those. Sometimes? You had one helluva day a bit ago...think about where you might be right now had you been put through surgery. It could have ended everything, or made things even worse. 'I will admit' to having good days sounds like you're searching for more pain. Aren't things tough enough already? Take care of yourself...better yet, take care of someone else...your own challenges seem small sometimes when you help those worse off. This wasn't meant to be harsh, I hope ya don't take it that way...just trying to help you the way someone helped me once. ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Luv2Fall 0 #4 February 28, 2004 Dude..........I'm running out to the DZ in a bit so I'll be rather brief and will get with you later this weekend. My life dramtically changed in 1996 when I was on the top of my game in everything...............it's been a long, hard road. Persevering/fighting and acceptance has a very thin line separating the two..........learning what's what is going to help you bro. My heart goes out to ya and I will get back with you. Hang tight because I haven't heart the fat lady sing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Raefordite 0 #5 February 28, 2004 Muenkel: I am not familiar with your story. So sorry. Do you have BPPV? I've had it for 7 months now. It is much better. PM me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WrongWay 0 #6 February 28, 2004 Brother you're not alone. I've been there too, and there have been things that have happened to me that at the time I'd wished I'd just died. Yes, even skydiving. The most important (and most difficult) thing to remember is tomorrow is another day, a fresh start. Things are hard, but they can only get better. You have to try to be positive, as diffficult it is at times. If you find it hard from your point of view, look at it from others. For me, I'm personally glad you made it through because otherwise, I wouldn't have even known you, and never would have had such a great friend. You're a wonderful person, and I feel lucky to know you, and even luckier not to say I knew you. You have a purpose, Chris, and that's why you're still here. Fulfill that purpose, whatever it may be, and keep smiling and spreading the light on dropzone.com just the way you do every day, and in the end you'll get it back ten fold, simply because of the person you are. Don't ever forget that you have many friends here who care very much for you, and we're ALL here for you any time you need us. Wrong Way D #27371 Mal Manera Rodriguez Cajun Chicken Ø Hellfish #451 The wiser wolf prevails. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tinkerbelle 5 #7 February 28, 2004 What happened to you? What was the outcome and your present limitation? You can PM that if it's too personal for some of the critics and cynics on this forum. I hurt my neck with hernations and bone spurs after years of parachute openings wearing too much lead in a funny place on the back of my container which also dug into my spine crushing the spinus process after a while, had surgery which just made matters worse, and now live on pain pills. I know how you feel. I often wish I had gone in with my Sweetie's plane in Hawaii. It's hard to be in pain 'cause every day is a struggle, and even though you continue to have problems as if it were the first day for you, after a while people, including medics, family, and friends, the people you would expect to care the most, just write you off as "Chronic". They lose interest in your problem when you need them the most. It reminds me of running the 2 mile during a track meet. While they cheer at first, after a while, their attention turns toward the other more exciting, immedient events going on like the hurdles, the shot put, the sprints, etc... By about the 4th lap out of 6 or 8, they have all but forgotten about you just as you are having the hardest time and need the most encouragement. I hate that word "chronic" 'cause it just means everyone else has given up on you. But still in the back of my mind I have this idea, or maybe it's just an ideal, that some day, somehow, the pain will subside, the cloud will lift, and everything will be just as it was before when things all went my way and everything I touched turned to gold. This notion is hard to hold onto, but the simple fact that you haven't done yourself in yet means that you still hold onto that ideal as well, even though in the front of your mind you may have your doubts. Remember that song, "Just hold on for one more day!" That friends thing is tough too, 'cause it seems so many begin to write you off as well when things don't get better faster- perhaps that's a consequence of the "immediate gratification" World we live in. Feel free to PM me any time. I am in a similar boat and probably know and can empathize better than just about anyone out there. Good Luck! Hang in there, Dude! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hooked 0 #8 February 28, 2004 QuoteMost of you know the story of my head injury and prior to that a tear in my inner ear canal that caused horrible ear pain and vertigo. I'll be honest, the last 6 1/2 months have been a living hell and I still have another year to go. I'm at the point where I feel like if I simply stub a toe it will put me over the edge. For the first time in my life, I actually wished I died that day, and I am not kidding. I know there are many people who have it much worse than me. I'm not denying it. I might just be a wuss. Anyway, I'm trying to take it one day at a time, but it seems like an eternity. I will admit that I do sometimes have good days and I thank God for those. Thanks for letting me vent. Chris Chris, Geesh! I hated to read this post. It must be very hard to deal with but everyone on here wishes you only the best. Things will get better, they have gotten better already. You have to wait out this slow, slow recovery. Don't get too low, please????? Take one day at a time, however long that may take to get back to your own self. Every day, you will get a little bit better, one little step at a time. There will be days that aren't good days, but cherish the days that are good days! Hugs, Jan -------------------------------------- Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jayruss 0 #9 February 28, 2004 QuoteFor the first time in my life, I actually wished I died that day, and I am not kidding. Very few days go by that I don't totally know how you are feeling Chris. Or wish for exactly the same thing. __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tinkerbelle 5 #10 February 28, 2004 Be Careful what you wish for, you might just get it! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #11 February 28, 2004 NAy here have been at a Crossroads. I've been there myself. Actually thinking that I wanted to die. That was 11 years ago. Boy, how things have changed. The future is there for the taking. It takes a long time to get there. But I also know that only those who have been so low can truly experience the majesty of a view from the top. That view from the top will come. And when it does, Oh! What a moment to behold! Trust me - it is worth the wait! My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lee03 0 #12 February 28, 2004 Check your Private Messages.-------- To put your life in danger from time to time ... breeds a saneness in dealing with day-to-day trivialities. --Nevil Shute, Slide Rule Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #13 February 28, 2004 OK, Pity Party is over. Everyone clean up before you leave. Seriously, I had an awesome talk with my brother today and I have read the pm's (Lee03 was a ruthless bastard.) and your responses. So, I hit some ruts and last night was a deep one. Anyway, it's hard...so what? I have to go through it and I might as well come out of it a stronger rather than weaker person. Right now, while I have the guts, I choose the stronger. I'll hit some more ruts and maybe sometimes I will swerve away in time. There are many more people going through much worse things than I and dealing with it with a lot more grace. You people are great and I thank you for putting up with my disgusting display of self pity and writing something encouraging. With that said, someone hijack this thread with something funny. Laughter is the best medicine.Thanks again you stupid good-lookings, Chris #1 _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflir29 0 #14 February 29, 2004 See....you should have come to the Mardi Gras boogie. Jumping.....what jumping? I got in an entire 7 jumps for the WHOLE boogie. We did enough drinking to kill a herd of cattle though. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Luv2Fall 0 #15 February 29, 2004 Cool - If you ever need a shoulder, I'm here. When you're ever in the mood, I'll share my story...............it's an interesting ride. Hang tight. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #16 February 29, 2004 When you're ready, feel free to pm me your story. I do care and am a great listener. It's good to get my mind off my self. Blue skies buddy, Chris _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyangel2 2 #17 February 29, 2004 Quotesomeone hijack this thread Oh goodie, now you want my services. Can I post in this thread? Now, what can I hijack this thread with? Let me see..... OH I got it, I don't believe in god, I think all gays can get married, Bin Ladin has been captured and is at Disney World, I own a gun and will use it, Bush is a great president and I'd trust him with my bank account, and Kallend and Ron are the nicest people that I know and never get out of control and the best one, Tinkerbell is the smartest most quiet poster here and I believe every word that she writes. And I know deep in my heart that she and Carl will someday be married and live a happy life with eachother for ever.May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #18 February 29, 2004 That was a good hijack...good ole fashion bullshit! _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyangel2 2 #19 February 29, 2004 Quotegood ole fashion bullshit Bullshit, I believe all that. And if you've got a problem with any of it, meet me out back and we'll be having a "talk"May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #20 February 29, 2004 QuoteBullshit, I believe all that. And if you've got a problem with any of it, meet me out back and we'll be having a "talk" OK, but i just want to warn you. I talk better with my clothes off. Chris #1 _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Snowwhite 0 #21 February 29, 2004 QuoteQuoteBullshit, I believe all that. And if you've got a problem with any of it, meet me out back and we'll be having a "talk" OK, but i just want to warn you. I talk better with my clothes off. Chris #1 If you're getting nekkid, I'm watching. Bring me a drink, and who has a camera?.... I need to get some proof!skydiveTaylorville.org freefallbeth@yahoo.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyangel2 2 #22 February 29, 2004 If we're getting naked, you have to be naked too. Cause if you just stand there and watch and video us, with your clothes on, then you're a pervert. At least wear the black thong.May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #23 February 29, 2004 Whahooooooooooooooooooooooo! Nekkie party!!! I swear, I'm just gonna sit there in my jammies, drinking Chianti, and watch. Oh wait, that makes me a voyeur. Um, how about you just tell me all about it later. deal? (Chris, you know I love you; been there, done that. It's all about hope. learning how to hope again, and have faith again. Not an easy task...but I know what you've been asked - and you know what you've been asked. And you know I'm in your corner all the way.) Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tinkerbelle 5 #24 February 29, 2004 Thank You Flyangel2! That is so sweet of you to say! I think you're great too, and that I say and mean with the utmost sincerity! Luv-n-stuff Tink Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ACMESkydiver 0 #25 February 29, 2004 At least you have full control of your mind, Chris! Psychos posting gets sooo annoying!! ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
ACMESkydiver 0 #25 February 29, 2004 At least you have full control of your mind, Chris! Psychos posting gets sooo annoying!! ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
