kingbunky 3 #1 April 29, 2004 probably a repost, but worth the refresher anyways. learn them. know them. live them. 1. Thou shall not rent the movie 'Chocolate'. 2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers. 4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence. 5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call 'BULLSHIT'. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent) 7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever. 8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale. 9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. However, you may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable. 10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay. 11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party. 12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it. 13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean. 14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem. You didn't see nothin'. 15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. 16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat. 17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood. 19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free. 20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 22. If a buddy is out-numbered, out-manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy. 23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and we can hit the showers." "Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?" 24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean. 25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer. 26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response. 27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need. 28. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay."Hang on a sec, the young'uns are throwin' beer cans at a golf cart." MB4252 TDS699 killing threads since 2001 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brains 2 #2 April 29, 2004 Quote11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party. being a wingman is serious business. Never look down on someone, unless they are going down on you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Casie 0 #3 April 29, 2004 12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it. .....like i'm some piece of property or something~Porn Kitty WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skyesspot 0 #4 April 29, 2004 Quote5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. Unless you are in there w/him. Life is too short. Don't sweat the small stuff. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diablopilot 2 #5 April 29, 2004 Quote7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever. Bullshit. Quote11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party. "Never leave you wingman, its one of the first rules of engagement!" Being a "grenade man" is a civic duty!---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 140 #6 April 29, 2004 Quote7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever. WHY, MY GOD, WHY ??? exception made for my sister, she IS off-limitsscissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ron 10 #7 April 29, 2004 QuoteWHY, MY GOD, WHY ??? exception made for my sister, she IS off-limits Hell, if you can get my sister to go out with you have at."No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson Papers, 334 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #8 April 29, 2004 Quote.....like i'm some piece of property or something Well...in Afghanistan, chattel property. When women talk about being old-fashioned, I always think "Cool, I'll trade her dad for 3 goats". I suppose they don't mean quite that old fashioned. Just for "supposin' ", suppose that was the case... Are we talking all goats or maybe the sheep/goat combo? One camel, two sheep? Gimme a number. Let's talk relationship. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brains 2 #9 April 29, 2004 QuoteJust for "supposin' ", suppose that was the case... Are we talking all goats or maybe the sheep/goat combo? One camel, two sheep? Gimme a number. Let's talk relationship. Her parents live on a farm and i think they are into Arabian horses, Just trying to help you out man. Never look down on someone, unless they are going down on you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #10 April 29, 2004 Quote12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it. .....like i'm some piece of property or something Just so we are clear - are there any "Wing Women"?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yardhippie 0 #11 April 29, 2004 Quote15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. ok!Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD "What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me "Anything you want." ~ female skydiver Mohoso Rodriguez #865 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Casie 0 #12 April 29, 2004 QuoteHer parents live on a farm and i think they are into Arabian horses, Just trying to help you out man. Appaloosas, get it right~Porn Kitty WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #13 April 29, 2004 QuoteJust so we are clear - are there any "Wing Women"? Ever heard of the "watch dog"? You are hitting on a nice looking chickie and she says "Well...I would, but I'm here with my friend...". You turn around and her friend looks like Quasimodo on a bad hair day. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #14 April 29, 2004 QuoteQuote15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. ok! Friends help you move. Good friends help you move bodies. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brains 2 #15 April 29, 2004 QuoteAppaloosas, get it right whatever it's still a horse ain't it? Never look down on someone, unless they are going down on you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 140 #16 April 29, 2004 QuoteHell, if you can get my sister to go out with you have at. got pictures ??? scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #17 April 29, 2004 QuoteAppaloosas, get it right Do they taste better then Arabians?Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Casie 0 #18 April 29, 2004 QuoteQuoteAppaloosas, get it right whatever it's still a horse ain't it? Sure, it's still a horse, but a different breed silly~Porn Kitty WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,593 #19 April 29, 2004 An Appaloosa!?! That's a whole lotta woman for a guy like you! I think they taste like tuna Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 140 #20 April 29, 2004 QuoteQuoteAppaloosas, get it right Do they taste better then Arabians? mmmh... steak de cheval.... bon appétit everybodyscissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #21 April 29, 2004 QuoteQuoteAppaloosas, get it right whatever it's still a horse ain't it? Splotchy colored. They are like zebras, except the stripes are round. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Casie 0 #22 April 29, 2004 QuoteQuoteQuoteAppaloosas, get it right whatever it's still a horse ain't it? Splotchy colored. They are like zebras, except the stripes are round. and apparently they're hard to ride~Porn Kitty WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #23 April 29, 2004 That's the advantage of quarterhorses. Their legs are so short that you can put your feet on the ground like training wheels. Barrel chested and short. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Casie 0 #24 April 29, 2004 QuoteThat's the advantage of quarterhorses. Their legs are so short that you can put your feet on the ground like training wheels. Barrel chested and short. that wasn't the kinda rid'n i was talking about~Porn Kitty WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yardhippie 0 #25 April 29, 2004 QuoteQuoteThat's the advantage of quarterhorses. Their legs are so short that you can put your feet on the ground like training wheels. Barrel chested and short. that wasn't the kinda rid'n i was talking about [innocent look] really, im confused... can ya spain it to us? [/innicent look]Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD "What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me "Anything you want." ~ female skydiver Mohoso Rodriguez #865 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
