diablopilot 2 #1 May 6, 2004 ------------------------------------------------------------- CHECK PLEASE ------------------------------------------------------------- There is nothing worse than bad service at a restaurant. I'm very rich. I'm not going to Sizzler with the rest of you freaks, sticking my face in some trough full of food that's been sitting under a light bulb for the last three days. I'm talking about a real, sit down, linen tablecloth, bone china, fine dining establishment. Don't cry to me how hard it is to be a waiter. It's not. You have one fucking job. I tell you what I want to eat, you bring it to me. You don't have to cook it. You don't have to slaughter the cow or plant the vegetables. If you can hold a pencil and carry a tray, you have all of the necessary skills be an excellent waiter. Take the order. Get it right. Give the order to the kitchen. Bring the order out. Check back in five minutes to see if everything is OK. Come back a couple more times over the course of the meal and keep refilling my drink until I say I've had enough. Who are you my mother? My parole officer? My AA sponsor? No, you're none of those people. That's the next important point. Here are some things that are not part of your job. If I tell you the steak is not done how I like it, don't lecture me on the finer points of rare versus medium rare or they will be lecturing you on the finer points of reconstructive surgery after pulling my steak knife out of your fucking chest. Take it back, now. It is not your job to stand in back and console the hostess with the searing case of Chlamydia because she was the locomotive in a fuck train with the 12 bus boys. You keep your ass where I can see it. I just might want some salsa, and it's none of your fucking business what I intend to use it for. Los Angeles has an additional problem, where most of the people struggling to be waiters, are really struggling actors. Here's a thought. Why not "act" like a decent fucking waiter? Try to win the fucking Oscar for your performance. Keep this in mind. You don't get a tip. You earn a tip. You've got too many tables? Well I suggest you focus on the well dressed guy who just ordered the twin lobsters, because those two old whores splitting a salad are not going to help put you through community college. Don't tell me from now on if you see me at your restaurant you'll jerk off in my food. Fuck you. You think I believe someone as lazy, and with as little motivation as you, is now going to show some initiative? This is the same guy who can't remember not to put lemon in my water? The only good thing about bad waiters is that they happily accept my stolen credit cards, and even say, "Have a good night Mrs. Yakamora." You have a good night too, dick. Edit: to remove one "off color" comment.....---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gawain 0 #2 May 6, 2004 LOL...Bravo... So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright 'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life Make light! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dgskydive 0 #3 May 6, 2004 What.... Do you want us to call you MR. Pink now?Dom Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #4 May 6, 2004 "The Truth Be Told" How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.." How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told. I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake Why do men die before their wives? They want to. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KevinMcGuire 0 #5 May 6, 2004 POP quiz. what does the word TIPS stand for? To Insure Prompt Service. A tip is earned. Not owed Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diablopilot 2 #6 May 6, 2004 Sorry Kevin..... http://www.snopes.com/language/acronyms/tip.htm But I like the idea....---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KevinMcGuire 0 #7 May 6, 2004 Humm??? Well thats..... but I..... oh hell. O.K well, That's what it means to me damn it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diablopilot 2 #8 May 6, 2004 Ditto....---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dagny 0 #9 May 6, 2004 Quote POP quiz. what does the word TIPS stand for? To Insure Prompt Service. A tip is earned. Not owed Yeah. Seeeee...that might be true if you tipped BEFORE you sat down to eat. You know, just last night I discussed with another waitress how I couldn't understand the inconsistent tips I received. I left the restaurant with 12% of my sales in tips. And I gave the same service to everyone, I was friendly, I was attentive, the food was delivered hot and as ordered. I wish you cheap blokes who don't want to tip servers what they deserve would just let me know before you sit down so I can adjust my service accordingly. Oh, and here's a few things I'd like to suggest. (Of course, I realize the original post was a joke...I mean this in a similar fashion) Even though your conversation is very important to you, I could care less about how Aunt Martha got married for the sixth time last week. Please acknowledge my presence at the table when I ask what you'd like to eat. If you aren't ready, fine, but don't make me stand there for a minute and a half while you ignore me. I know there are a lot of words on the menu, but if you hate pico de gallo and your meal comes out with it because that's how it's made and you never read that it came that way, don't blame me for it. I'll be more than happy to fix it, but I am not at fault because hooked on phonics didn't work for you. If your bring your children with you, and yes, they're cute and andorable, please keep them from running around the restaurant like it's a nursery, lower their voices (and yours!) to a dull roar, and try to minimize their destruction. I know it's fun for them to pass the time by emptying the sugar caddies, but it's not as fun for me to pick it all back up when you've left. I'm not asking you to clean the floor, after all kids are messy little things, but maybe you could remember that the crushed up saltines, crayons, napkins, and sugar packets don't get picked up by themselves. Yes, this is a restaurant and, yes, we'll do our best to accomodate your dietary wishes, but is it really necessary to do so many substitutions that your meal isn't even similar to what the restaurant puts together? Also, if you want steak cooked well done, that takes time. I know people live in a world of fast cars and have an "I want it NOW" attitude, but meat can only cook so fast to the desired browness you request. Time does not move faster in a restaurant. I know you THINK you ordered your food an hour ago, but the truth is, it was ten minutes. Remember, if YOU experience a time warp, than WE ALL experience one, too. You're not alone. I know how long it's taking to get your food and I'm bitching at the cooks to step it up for you, but I can't complain if the food takes its normal cooking time. And neither should you. Please remember that I don't expect you to suck down three diet cokes before I even take your order. While I don't mind hooking a thirsty brother up, do a girl a favor and sip a little. Your table is not the only table being served by me. I know you need extra salsa and extra dressing and a lemon and another fork and a few more napkins and another damn refill, but would it kill you to ask for more than one thing at a time? I can multi-task. Try me. I know your money is precious to you. My money, my time, my attention is precious to me. For a whole $2.13 an hour, I get the pleasure of being your beck and call girl. Try to remember that the good server you neglect to tip today becomes the bad server that ignores your needs tomorrow. Take me, I am the drug; take me, I am hallucinogenic. -Salvador Dali Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diablopilot 2 #10 May 7, 2004 QuoteI wish you cheap blokes who don't want to tip servers what they deserve would just let me know before you sit down so I can adjust my service accordingly. See that's the problem. Tips are expected. In my book it's a reward. Something that says "thanks for doing a great job!" I'm not paying for better service, that's included in the price on the menu. If your employer reduces your pay based on the fact you make tips then they are being a fucking crook. Last time I was in New Zealand I tried giving an excelent waiter a tip. He turned me down cold, and said "it's my job sir." QuoteEven though your conversation is very important to you, I could care less about how Aunt Martha got married for the sixth time last week. Please acknowledge my presence at the table when I ask what you'd like to eat. If you aren't ready, fine, but don't make me stand there for a minute and a half while you ignore me. I totaly agree. I can't stand fuckers like that. Or the ones on cell phones! As for the rest of the issues, right on SISTA! Where do you work? ---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dagny 0 #11 May 7, 2004 QuoteSee that's the problem. Tips are expected. In my book it's a reward. Something that says "thanks for doing a great job!" Now, here's where I say....See, THAT'S the problem. Tips are expected, because that is what my salary is based on. It's not my employer that redudes my wages, it's the federal government. The minimum wage for servers is $2.13 an hour. Servers are paid less than regular minimum wage on the expectation that tips received will make up the difference. Every two weeks, after taxes, I bring home about $50 on a paycheck. I pay my bills with tip money. I have to claim at least 10% of my sales as tips to the government for taxation. I pay for serving you. Tips are not included in the bill and when you walk out without "rewarding" your server, they pay taxes on your meal and get really upset about it. 20% tips (or more) are "thanks for a great job". 10-15% is expected for having food delivered to you and having your needs met and having the table cleaned up behind you. QuoteI'm not paying for better service, that's included in the price on the menu. You're kidding, right?? Do you honestly think that when you pay $12.99 for a rack of ribs with potatoes and corn, that I get paid for that?? Really? Servers, at least in the United States, do not receive wages over bare minimum. You are, in fact, receiving a service and payment is expected. Unlike other services, though, it's not included on the bill. Sometimes, that works in a server's favor, but mostly it doesn't. There is nothing I hate more than providing good service, working hard for a table, being friendly...and getting stiffed. Especially when I have to claim 10% for taxes and "tip out" 2% of my sales for the bartenders and hostesses. In the end, I pay more than I get tipped on some tables. QuoteIf your employer reduces your pay based on the fact you make tips then they are being a fucking crook. It's federally mandated minimum wage. And I agree. QuoteOr the ones on cell phones! How could I forget that one?? LOL! Makes me crazy! QuoteWhere do you work? I work at Applebees. It makes me appreciate my future salary as a physician more than ever.Take me, I am the drug; take me, I am hallucinogenic. -Salvador Dali Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KevinMcGuire 0 #12 May 7, 2004 Personally, I will tip handsomely for average food served very well. I will tip nothing for excellent food served with attitude. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
crwmike 0 #13 May 7, 2004 I worked my way through college in various jobs wither as a waiter or short order cook. I tip well for good service. My frequent "come on you cheap bastards, cough up some money, our server worked his/her ass off for us" are well known with the CRWDogs. Having said that, I won't tip a cent for shit service or attitude. If my waitron serves attitude along with the food, I'll leave a dime ...just so they won't think I forgot. Greet me with a smile and o your job well and I'll tip accordingly. If the place is a madhouse, I can see that and will understand that you are doing your best under the circumstances. In summary, tips are earned, not something I owe you. Michael QuoteQuote POP quiz. what does the word TIPS stand for? To Insure Prompt Service. A tip is earned. Not owed Yeah. Seeeee...that might be true if you tipped BEFORE you sat down to eat. You know, just last night I discussed with another waitress how I couldn't understand the inconsistent tips I received. I left the restaurant with 12% of my sales in tips. And I gave the same service to everyone, I was friendly, I was attentive, the food was delivered hot and as ordered. I wish you cheap blokes who don't want to tip servers what they deserve would just let me know before you sit down so I can adjust my service accordingly. Oh, and here's a few things I'd like to suggest. (Of course, I realize the original post was a joke...I mean this in a similar fashion) Even though your conversation is very important to you, I could care less about how Aunt Martha got married for the sixth time last week. Please acknowledge my presence at the table when I ask what you'd like to eat. If you aren't ready, fine, but don't make me stand there for a minute and a half while you ignore me. I know there are a lot of words on the menu, but if you hate pico de gallo and your meal comes out with it because that's how it's made and you never read that it came that way, don't blame me for it. I'll be more than happy to fix it, but I am not at fault because hooked on phonics didn't work for you. If your bring your children with you, and yes, they're cute and andorable, please keep them from running around the restaurant like it's a nursery, lower their voices (and yours!) to a dull roar, and try to minimize their destruction. I know it's fun for them to pass the time by emptying the sugar caddies, but it's not as fun for me to pick it all back up when you've left. I'm not asking you to clean the floor, after all kids are messy little things, but maybe you could remember that the crushed up saltines, crayons, napkins, and sugar packets don't get picked up by themselves. Yes, this is a restaurant and, yes, we'll do our best to accomodate your dietary wishes, but is it really necessary to do so many substitutions that your meal isn't even similar to what the restaurant puts together? Also, if you want steak cooked well done, that takes time. I know people live in a world of fast cars and have an "I want it NOW" attitude, but meat can only cook so fast to the desired browness you request. Time does not move faster in a restaurant. I know you THINK you ordered your food an hour ago, but the truth is, it was ten minutes. Remember, if YOU experience a time warp, than WE ALL experience one, too. You're not alone. I know how long it's taking to get your food and I'm bitching at the cooks to step it up for you, but I can't complain if the food takes its normal cooking time. And neither should you. Please remember that I don't expect you to suck down three diet cokes before I even take your order. While I don't mind hooking a thirsty brother up, do a girl a favor and sip a little. Your table is not the only table being served by me. I know you need extra salsa and extra dressing and a lemon and another fork and a few more napkins and another damn refill, but would it kill you to ask for more than one thing at a time? I can multi-task. Try me. I know your money is precious to you. My money, my time, my attention is precious to me. For a whole $2.13 an hour, I get the pleasure of being your beck and call girl. Try to remember that the good server you neglect to tip today becomes the bad server that ignores your needs tomorrow. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflygoddess 0 #14 May 7, 2004 Bravo! I worked as a waitress for a bit then stepped up to bartender for a while. As a waitress I have to agree, you get paid shit for doing tons of work that no one seems to notice. I was a shift leader and had to clean everything after the resturant closed, for $2.15 an hour, since they found out it was cheaper to keep us there doing it all instead of a cleaning crew...fuckers! Then I switched to bartending and yeah I made killer money, because drinkers tend to tip a lot more. However, I had way more work to do before and after my shift. Now the best advice I can give you is, start bartending at a strip club, you don't have to even show a little crack, and boy you will bank, because unlike the stupid dancers you actually talk to those poor lonely guys and they sure do like it alot more. Plus those dancers have to tip you out and the coctail waitresses have to as well. I worked Friday and Saturday nights only from 5pm to 1:30 (alchol stops at 1 am in AZ) and I brought home over $500 in tips alone a week! Now if you think it is too immoral to bar tend at strip club and you can't make bartender at a reseraunt, then do your self a favor and never ever work on Sunday afternoons....those church people are the worst tippers ever! I have a church group of about 20 people take up all of my tables I was on one Sunday afternoon and I kissed their butts and went completly overboard with great service, and they even commented on how I was "the best waitress they ever had anywhere" and from there $150 bill do you know how much they left me? $5 whole dollars! That is right $5! Ugh! for two hours of taking up my only tables. That is when I walked out the door and told my manger to kiss my ass.... Oh and that reminds me, you forgot the ultimate thing that pisses me off about picky eaters. I hate it when someone reads what they want thinks they will like it, orders it, then procedes to tell me how much they don't like it....fine, but I do have to say, if you go to the movies and you hate the movie do you get your money back or a ticket for another, hell no...so any ways, I don't mind getting them something else at no charge for the uneaten meal, after all they didn't eat, but when they say they don't want anything else and then the manager gives them their meal for free, because they don't want to hassel with an unhappy person, and then walks out without paying for their drinks and no tip, or even pays for their drinks, but most of the time they do not leave a tip, that really pisses me off. I went after someone about that once, I didn't get a tip, but they sure did pay for their beers, cause I wasn't paying for them. Geez....get a life people! Grow up! If you don't like your food that is in no way the waitresses fault at all! Give her a tp, she did after all not make you pay for it. And please please rember that you still have to pay for those drink! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diablopilot 2 #15 May 7, 2004 Quote -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Quote -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If your employer reduces your pay based on the fact you make tips then they are being a fucking crook. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's federally mandated minimum wage. And I agree. I think we already knew the Federal goverment was comprised of a bunch o' crooks. QuoteNow, here's where I say....See, THAT'S the problem. Tips are expected, because that is what my salary is based on. It's not my employer that redudes my wages, it's the federal government. The minimum wage for servers is $2.13 an hour. Servers are paid less than regular minimum wage on the expectation that tips received will make up the difference. I'm feeling your pain, but I work hard for that $12.99 I've got my pocket for the thursday night rib special. If that's what the menu says it costs that's what I should be obligated to pay. Tradition in this country says if I really liked it, the server was great, or I'm just generaly having a good day and feel like being generous it is acceptable for me to give the server something extra. BTW I make it a point to find the server and give them my tip. I almost never leave it on the table. If I'm paying a bonus for good service I want the server to know it, and I want to see the smile on their face from getting a reward. I think the Federaly Mandated Minimum it too low and that sucks. Shouldn't be that way. But I'll be damned if I'm paying extra for a surly attitude, or just because I'm dining with more than 6 people.---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deuce 1 #16 May 7, 2004 You are utterly insane. Come up here and see some green, dude. Socal is making you crazy. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RoadRash 0 #17 May 7, 2004 QuotePersonally, I will tip handsomely for average food served very well. I will tip nothing for excellent food served with attitude. Ditto!! I have been known to leave $0.02 when the service sucked beyond compare......~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Fly the friendly skies...^_^...})ii({...^_~... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diablopilot 2 #18 May 7, 2004 Just re read your first post (it's funny!) and noticed this: QuoteI get the pleasure of being your beck and call girl. Only two words of creative editing need to be done, and it takes on a whole new meaning! Who says my mind ain't in the gutter!---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
2fat2fly 0 #19 May 7, 2004 How would you feel as a waiter/waitress started with a "good service" tip on the table and told you right off the bat that what was left aon the table at the end of the meal was up to you? Honest question, I've thought about doing it, but my wife said that it was tacky.I am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skybytch 273 #20 May 7, 2004 QuoteI'm feeling your pain, but I work hard for that $12.99 I've got my pocket for the thursday night rib special. Bullshit!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RoadRash 0 #21 May 7, 2004 QuoteHow would you feel as a waiter/waitress started with a "good service" tip on the table and told you right off the bat that what was left aon the table at the end of the meal was up to you? Honest question, I've thought about doing it, but my wife said that it was tacky. I'm sorry, I am really sleep right now...(long day at work......) What does your question mean? I think I am just reading it wrong... edited to add: I got it...and I don't think I would have the guts to do it...but it does sound like a really good idea...I might have to try it at least once...... ~R+R~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Fly the friendly skies...^_^...})ii({...^_~... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peacefuljeffrey 0 #22 May 7, 2004 QuoteQuoteWhere do you work? I work at Applebees. It makes me appreciate my future salary as a physician more than ever. Oh, after this: "If your bring your children with you, and yes, they're cute and andorable, please keep them from running around the restaurant like it's a nursery, lower their voices (and yours!) to a dull roar, and try to minimize their destruction. I know it's fun for them to pass the time by emptying the sugar caddies, but it's not as fun for me to pick it all back up when you've left. I'm not asking you to clean the floor, after all kids are messy little things, but maybe you could remember that the crushed up saltines, crayons, napkins, and sugar packets don't get picked up by themselves. --- I would've sworn you worked at TGI Friday's, which was just like that when I worked there for two years. LOL! --Jeffrey "With tha thoughts of a militant mind... Hard line, hard line after hard line!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freeflygoddess 0 #23 May 7, 2004 QuoteHow would you feel as a waiter/waitress started with a "good service" tip on the table and told you right off the bat that what was left aon the table at the end of the meal was up to you? Honest question, I've thought about doing it, but my wife said that it was tacky. No way is that tacky at all. I would have gone for that, but being me I would have said, Oh $5 for two people...hmm...well I will be back if the rest of my tables are cleared....however, if $20 was there, you better believe that you will wanna give me $40 afterwards.... Thank god I have finish college and am off to better things, because I would be way to blunt and honest with people. After the meal and they paid and made sure they personallly gave me a tip, don't think I wouldn't say something if I didn't think it was a good tip. In fact, now that I think about it, I have told a waitress off, just recently, and brought up the fact that I use to serve at the same resturant, just a different city, and there is no way in hell I would ever be such a bad waitress. I had her in tears...it was pretty funny when the manager came to talk to me, and I let him know exactlly how things were. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kennedy 0 #24 May 7, 2004 My brother still does that at Fridays/Applebees/Tuesdays type places. He puts $15 under a napkin and sppon, and writes TIP on the napkin. Good service: the napkin gets higher off the table. Bad service or an attitude: napkin just might be on the table when we leave. I've been known to leave 25% on excellent service, and nothing at all when the server snapped at me. I don't care what the last patron left you. If you can't (A) approach my table with a smile, (B) keep my drink full, and (C) make sure what you serve me is what I ordered, you don't get shit. If you can do those, you'll get at least a 15% tip. I know the food quality is not your job. I understand cooks screw up sometimes. If you send it back and then explain it to me, the tip gets bigger. If you bring me the wrong order, the tip goes down. If you serve me onions, you get nothing. Flat out nothing. I tell every server that I don't, can't, and won't eat onions. You serve them to me and the only tip you get is "pay more attention next time." However, most servers love me because I tip well if you do your job and understand if you have a shitty day. Just don't let it mess with my lunch.witty subliminal message Guard your honor, let your reputation fall where it will, and outlast the bastards. 1* Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kennedy 0 #25 May 7, 2004 More proof snopes is not the end all be all of factual information. The truth of the matter is that acronyms have been around since at least the Roman Empire. I recall studying how acronyms were used in Senate elections (o.e.d. I think: the people vote for). TDM TLA !!!witty subliminal message Guard your honor, let your reputation fall where it will, and outlast the bastards. 1* Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
