Jayruss 0 #1 May 22, 2004 Why was the blind and deaf Hellen Keller such a bad driver? Because she was a woman! __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bch7773 0 #2 May 22, 2004 A group of girlfriends went on vacation and saw a five-story hotel with a sign that read, "For Women Only." Since they were without their boyfriends, they decided to go in. The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors... go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide, since each floor has signs telling you what's inside." So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men here are horrible lovers, but they are sensitive and kind"... the friends laugh and, without hesitation, move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads, "All the men here are wonderful lovers, but they generally treat women badly." This wasn't going to do, so the friends move up to the third floor where the sign read, "All the men here are great lovers and sensitive to the needs of women." This was good, but there were still two more floors. On the fourth floor, the sign was perfect: "All the men here have perfect builds; are sensitive and attentive to women; are perfect lovers; they are also single, rich and straight." The women seemed pleased, but they decide that they would rather see what the fifth floor had to offer before they settled for the fourth. When they reach the fifth floor, there is a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that it is impossible to please a woman." MB 3528, RB 1182 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bch7773 0 #3 May 22, 2004 heres another long, but good one: this guy is driving along the highway and gets pulled over. the officer comes up to the car and asks if he knows why he was pulled over. "yeah i was speeding the man said. okay," the officer says," can i see your license and registration please? no sorry, i don't have it on me," the driver says. "can you show me proof of insurance? yeah", the man says," it's in my glove box next to my gun. you have a gun in your glove box?" says the officer. " yes i do," says the driver. " is there anything else you want to tell me?" the driver thinks and says, " yeah i have the gun so nobody steals the weed under my back seat and the cocaine in my trunk. really" says the officer, " hold on a minute." the officer goes back to his cruiser and calls for backup which quickly arrives including the head lieutenant. the lieutenant approaches the car and says to the man," do you have any identification i can see? yeah," the driver says and readily pulls out his! license and registration. " open your glove box," says the lieutenant. the driver does this and pulls out his insurance card. the lieutenant gets the card and looks at it. he then proceeds to check the back seat and sees nothing. "open you trunk" the driver does this and the lieutenant finds nothing. hey goes back to the front of the car puzzled and says, "I'm a little confused, my officer called me for backup and said you had no identification, you had a gun in your glove box, you hide weed in your back seat and cocaine in your trunk, and that doesn't appear to be the case?" the driver looks up at him and says, "i bet that son of a bitch told you i was speeding too!!!!!!!!" MB 3528, RB 1182 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tunaplanet 0 #4 May 22, 2004 A man and woman are standing in an elevator when he suddenly leans over and speaks to the young lady. "May I smell your pussy?" "CERTAINLY NOT!" "Oh, I guess it's your feet then." Forty-two Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KevinMcGuire 0 #5 May 22, 2004 three men and a woman are trapped on a desert island. After one week, the woman is so ashamed of what she has been doing that she kills her self. After the second week, the men are so ashamed of what they have been doing so they bury her. After the third week, the men are so ashamed of what they have been doing that the dig her back up. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tunaplanet 0 #6 May 22, 2004 Ah, dirty jokes. I'll play (and win). Do you know why tampons have strings on them? So you can floss when you're done eating. Forty-two Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ncrowe 0 #7 May 23, 2004 QuoteA man and woman are standing in an elevator when he suddenly leans over and speaks to the young lady. "Can I smell your pussy?" "CERTAINLY NOT!" "Oh, I guess it's your feet then." Fixed "Don't Mess Around With the Guy in Shades- Oh No!!! " Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aprilcat 0 #8 May 23, 2004 Okay...here's mine... A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The chicken lays back on the pillows and lights up a ciggie, exhaling with ease...the egg rips the blankets over to its side and scrunches down for sleep and mumbles: I guess THAT answers THAT question, doesn't it???~~April Camelot II, the Electric Boogaloo! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KevinMcGuire 0 #9 May 23, 2004 Here is one for the kids, Q: what kind of bee makes milk? A: A Boobee Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
