damion75 0 #1 June 17, 2004 Because it is Thursday here... ************************************* The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) Upon Encountering a Snake In The Area of Operations (AO) 1. Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area. 2. Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake. 3. Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes. 4. Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure. 5. Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it. 6. Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars. 7. Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel settlement upon return. 8. Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops. 9. Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALS kill Muslim extremist snakes. 10. Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection. 11. Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations. 12. Marine Recon: Follows snake gets lost. 13. Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere. 14. Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounters, then works feverishly to save snake's life. 15. Supply: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.) 16. Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers two weeks after due date. 17. F-15 pilot: Mis-identifies snake as enemy Mil-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snakes kill on aircraft. 18. F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses target due to weather. 19. AH-1W Cobra pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infra-red. Snake starts bonfire to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into fire. 21. B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target. 22. Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons. 23. Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW. 24. Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.*************** Not one shred of evidence supports the theory that life is serious - look at the platypus. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RoadRash 0 #2 June 17, 2004 Hey, where the hell are you? It's only Wednesday evening here...... I'll read it tomorrow...... ~R+R~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Fly the friendly skies...^_^...})ii({...^_~... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
damion75 0 #3 June 17, 2004 QuoteHey, where the hell are you? It's only Wednesday evening here...... I'll read it tomorrow...... ~R+R Iraq! did I forget to mention that? Yep - you're not allowed to read it until you are in the correct time zone! *************** Not one shred of evidence supports the theory that life is serious - look at the platypus. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #4 June 17, 2004 It's well into morning her 9:30amYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RoadRash 0 #5 June 17, 2004 QuoteIraq! did I forget to mention that? ...yeah...you didn't mention that! Dude, keep your head down!! QuoteYep - you're not allowed to read it until you are in the correct time zone! I promise I won't read it until midnight...... ~R+R...No, seriously...keep your head down...my bro just had a friend return from Iraq...he has some rather unusual stories to tell...~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Fly the friendly skies...^_^...})ii({...^_~... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wlie 0 #6 June 17, 2004 This one made me : A man went to the dentist with a severe toothache. The dentist looked into his mouth and told him he'd have to pull out a rotten tooth. The man said, "Whatever it takes. I can't stand the pain." The dentist took out a needle and the man said, "No, I'm scared to death of needles. Can you use something else to kill the pain?" The dentist said, "Sure, I'll give you some nitrous oxide instead." Tha man said, "No can do, Doc. I'm allergic to gas." So the dentist gave him two Viagras. The man asked, "Will this dull the pain?" The dentist said, "No, but it'll give you something to hold on to while I pull out that tooth." My other ride is the relative wind. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
damion75 0 #7 June 17, 2004 Quote[No, seriously...keep your head down...my bro just had a friend return from Iraq...he has some rather unusual stories to tell... Well I will have a few stories of my own - but I am not going to tell them to anyone until I get back so as I don't jinx myself! 28 Days to go...*************** Not one shred of evidence supports the theory that life is serious - look at the platypus. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RoadRash 0 #8 June 17, 2004 Quote28 Days to go... Awesome!!!!! Try to stay cool out there man!!! ~R+R~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Fly the friendly skies...^_^...})ii({...^_~... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
