miked10270 0 #1 June 25, 2004 I'm not sure if this belongs here or in "Speakers Corner", so feel free to move it if appropriate. It's strange what questions suddenly pop into your mind during wine bottle 3 on a Friday Night. Where else should I seek the answers if not my peers. OK. We all know about the current "suicide Bomber deal". You strap on the Semtex Waistcoat, approach the unbelievers, pull the pin and.... BANG!!! There you are, in paradise, with 100 virgins to pleasure you. That's fine. But now they've started using WOMEN suicide bombers. Firstly, within the terms of the religion, is the sort of woman who'll look forward to having sex with 100 men so much that she'll kill herself to do so the sort of girl suitable to go into Paradise in the first place? Secondly, there's the whole "pleasuring" issue. Let's be blunt. As far as the male virgin goes, 2 or 3 strokes and it's like being in the middle of an explosion in a yoghurt factory. That's surely not pleasure. At least not for any woman in my experience. Sure as hell not for a woman who's happy to have sex with 100 men. Can you imagine the infamous "Debbie" of "Debbie does Dallas" fame going OH!! OH! WOW!!!!! on 3 strokes? Me neither. I figure that at an average of 2.5 strokes per virgin it's going to take about 40 or 50 virgins just to get the poor girl warmed up.... By which time, if the quality of virgins in Paradise is to be believed, then surely the poor girl would be in imminent danger of drowning. At the very least, the bed, tent, whatever is going to be pretty near uninhabitable. Will Paradise supply wellingtons? Waders even? Even supplying the girl suicide bombers extra virgins in an effort to guarantee pleasure would not only be unfair to the men in terms of numbers, if not the overall level of satisfaction, but would only exacerbate the whole flooding situation. At this point I wonder if there are dive masks and snorkels readily available in paradise? If anyone could enlighten me about this whole situation I'd be obliged. Thanks in advance, Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #2 June 25, 2004 You're overlooking one very simple solution. All she has to do is swallow. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
miked10270 0 #3 June 25, 2004 QuoteYou're overlooking one very simple solution. All she has to do is swallow. No. No. The whole religious thing doesn't allow "Oral Sex", in the case of the religion in question that apparently includes talking about it. Also, the virgins are there to pleasure THE GIRL (in accordance with the goody goody paradise thing), so it's all down to the good old "missionary" position (or whatever it's called there). So the original problem still stands. Even your solution presumes a phenomenal stomach capacity on the part of the girl. Admittedly, following the effects of the Semtex waistcoat you would expect at least a hole in her stomach, if not the stomach now spread over an area the size of Utah, but if, as we are led to believe she'd be in Paradise whole and undamaged, then the term "enough's as good as a feast" applies. Mike. PS: Thinking about your post I now suspect that you were just looking ofr an excuse to talk about oral sex!!!!. . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #4 June 25, 2004 But some girls like that. I got some spam just today that said "Cum guzzling sluts love to drink every drop". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wingnut 0 #5 June 25, 2004 dude, you need tolay of the alcohol... but you do bring up a good point..... maybe in the femal version they are all like virgins except they last as long as she wants them to last..... it is paradise isn't it????? ______________________________________ "i have no reader's digest version" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
miked10270 0 #6 June 25, 2004 No, no. The men get proper, real virgins with all that implies, not the "Doris Day" or "Britney Spears requalified or retread virgins.... So the girls must surely get the same deal. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clownburner 0 #7 June 25, 2004 But for the women, are they given virgins? Most women I know will tell you they prefer to have men they don't have to train and housebreak.7CP#1 | BTR#2 | Payaso en fuego Rodriguez "I want hot chicks in my boobies!"- McBeth Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wingnut 0 #8 June 25, 2004 QuoteSo the girls must surely get the same deal remeber gender equality isn't a reality yet in all parts of the world!!!!!!! ______________________________________ "i have no reader's digest version" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
miked10270 0 #9 June 25, 2004 Nah... The deal definitely says virgins. Thinking about it as I commence bottle #4, perhaps tha answer lies with SCUBA and a decompression computer... But sex in SCUBA kit ( and I assume that given the increased density and floatation qualities of the environment we're discussing, it means a HEAVY weightbelt), Sex in SCUBA kit is something that's done to say you've done it. There's not that much pleasure involved, what with worrying about how much air you're using if you start to breathe heavily.... Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TypicalFish 0 #10 June 25, 2004 QuoteNo, no. The men get proper, real virgins with all that implies, not the "Doris Day" or "Britney Spears requalified or retread virgins.... Personally, I would rather have one hundred experienced tarts with their daisy dukes, flawless technique, and slutty shameless hunger. But that's just me."I gargle no man's balls..." ussfpa on SOCNET Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #11 June 25, 2004 QuoteBut that's just me No it's not. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
miked10270 0 #12 June 25, 2004 QuoteBut some girls like that. I got some spam just today that said "Cum guzzling sluts love to drink every drop". Good Lord, If you're suggesting that Spam E-Mails saying "Cum guzzling sluts love to dring every drop" are in fact messages from Paradise (the REAL paradise, NOT your idea of it), then you're EXACTLY the sort of infidel who deserves a good blowing up..... No. NO. NO.. NO!!!! Not that sort of blowing up... The Semtex sort of blowing up. Mike. Edited to add: I've just been told to take my meds and go to bed in my nice, super long-sleeved jacket... Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zenister 0 #13 June 25, 2004 QuoteSex in SCUBA kit is something that's done to say you've done it. true true... back on topic... you almost wonder if the female suicide bombers are doing it just to get away from those assholes.....____________________________________ Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
miked10270 0 #14 June 25, 2004 One last thought as I sit here, now typling with my nose... Should this be moved to the "Women's" forum for some "Expert" input on this situation? Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skybytch 273 #15 June 25, 2004 QuoteThe whole religious thing doesn't allow "Oral Sex", in the case of the religion in question that apparently includes talking about it. Also, the virgins are there to pleasure THE GIRL (in accordance with the goody goody paradise thing), so it's all down to the good old "missionary" position (or whatever it's called there). 100 tongues - even inexperienced ones - would probably do the trick. But since oral sex isn't allowed, there is no workable solution to your problem. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #16 June 25, 2004 You know, I don't think I'd want anything to do with 100 virgins. Ever. Why would a woman? You can imagine all the pieces of the suicide bomberess thinking, "Virgin guys? They don't even know what they are doing." So she's stuck with 100 guys who between them would even know where to start. 2.5 strokes per dude? Heck, that's if the virgin is doing it right. On top of that, ther will be all the arguments about sloppy seconds. Between virgins, nonetheless. So heaven consists of her having to put up with unbridled and undirected pea brain testosterone from guys so uninteresting or ugly that they couldn't get laid before they expired? This leads to her choices - either young kids who left early (Gross); mature young men (who were idiots or losers whose palms probably had headaches); or those morons who would take a celibacy oath and actually follow through (slim pickins there). Yo've made some great points. I won't even go into why those male terrorists (who deflower all those virgins) are destined for a life in hell, whereupon they deal with the jealousy issues and insecurities of de-virginized women (the essence of hell right there). My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
miked10270 0 #17 June 26, 2004 HA!!! Some people (like, say Iona) really should check that I've actually swallowed my meds, and not just hidden them under my tongue. Some people (like, say Iona) really should make sure that the sleeve buckles on my "sleeping" jacket are properly cinched tight. Hi Lisa, QuoteBut since oral sex isn't allowed, there is no workable solution to your problem. Surely this is basically a maths / statistics matter. Perhaps you (and some of the other girls - feel free to contact them) could kind of "keep count" tonight and report back tomorrow. This'll give us some idea of the number of virgins that would be required. OK. This might be a bit embarrassing for some of the girls, not to mention some of the girl's men. If so, then those girls could simply suggest an "appropriate" number of virgins required. We'll do the multiplying by 2.5 as necessary, work out the average, and ultimately arrive at an "Average Virgin Quotient". From there we can reliably assess the "drowning risk". Quote100 tongues - even inexperienced ones - would probably do the trick. Are you just boasting? Anyway, who ever heard of a virgin going for a girl thinking "tongue"? Anyway, if you and the other girls could help? SURELY Roys Plaything would be up for it, then we'd all, in the interests of science and religious enlightenment of course, be obliged. Oh BUGGER... Iona's caught me... And she's got them 2 male nurses with her. AND their effin' bloody horse needle loaded with "Nighty nighty sleep tight" so i'd better say goodbyyyyyyyyyyyy............. Hi there, Mike will be back in a day or 2 when we've adjusted his meds. Iona xx. . Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cloudseeker2001 0 #18 June 26, 2004 HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! "Some call it heavenly in it's brilliance, others mean and rueful of the western dream" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
freefallfreak 0 #19 June 27, 2004 QuoteHi there, Mike will be back in a day or 2 when we've adjusted his meds. Iona xx. I wondered where you were...and was beginning to get worried that Miked10270 had slipped away from you and wandered alone into a cybernet cafe... TripleF "Upon seeing the shadow of a pigeon, one must resist the urge to look up." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
