Actual similes and metaphors found in real high school essays

[PhillyKev 0]

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently
compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of
those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city
and The Simpsons comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
fry Them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka
at 4:19p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Melinda had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who
had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the
East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan Just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for awhile.

22. "Oh, Jason, take me!", she panted, her breasts heaving like a
college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

23. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,
but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land
mine or something.

24. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender
leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

25. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
power tools.

26. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells,
as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

27. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword puzzle.

28. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in
any pH cleanser.

29. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

30. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it
to the wall.

[kelel01 1]

ROFLMAO!

I don't even think I could pick 5 favorites from that list.

Kelly

[Zenister 0]

if those are from high school essays there are several plagiarists in the bunch.. a few of those are very familiar and i dont read high school essays..

____________________________________
Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed.

[kelel01 1]

Yeah, I was questioning that as well. I don't remember the last time my assignment was to write a porn story. But they're still hysterical.

Kelly

[rehmwa 2]

Some are pretty good if the intent was humor.

3 and 9 are definitely Douglas Adams fans of course.

...
Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants

[Brains 2]

Quote

22. "Oh, Jason, take me!", she panted, her breasts heaving like a
college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

Damn i miss dollar beer nights.

Never look down on someone, unless they are going down on you.

[Ron 10]

I like these:

Quote

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka
at 4:19p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

As Rem said Douglas Addams wrote these:

Quote

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of
those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.


19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan Just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for awhile.

too funny

"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson Papers, 334

[Unstable 9]

LMAO!! That was the best Laugh I've had on DZ.com in a Long time!!!

=========Shaun ==========

[happythoughts 0]

The line "It was a dark and stormy night..." was written by Edward Bulwer-Lyton. There is an annual worst-literature contest based on it. The results are published in two books. ""It was a dark and stormy night..." and "Son of "It was a dark and stormy night...".

Some of the lines are bad, but some are quite funny.

[Marz 0]

I always get a kick of some of the metaphores used by the narrator on A&E's city confidential. He tries to sound so serious and some of them just crack me up... Wish I could think of some right now...

Marz

Did I just kill another thread?

[Pawl 0]

My sides are still hurting from the laffs...thanks

"Africa is not for sissies"

[YahooLV 0]

This is our future!



They're not all stupid high school students.

http://www.curtisglennphotography.com

[Shydi 0]

You guys would be scared and entertained by some junior high students. They are more scary than high school...but don't get me started on the state of education in our country.
Dianna