diablopilot 2 #1 July 29, 2004 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a tire leak. 3. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any. 5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 6. No one is listening until you fart. 7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. 8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away, and you have their shoes. 11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. 14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield. 16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. 17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 19. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. 21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 24. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and got slapped on our ass... Then things get worse. 25. Never, ever, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 26. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." 27. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 28. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11. 29. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 30. The most important ingredient for a long marriage is a short memory. ---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ChasingBlueSky 0 #2 July 29, 2004 Thanks JP, I needed that laugh today._________________________________________ you can burn the land and boil the sea, but you can't take the sky from me.... I WILL fly again..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eeneR 3 #4 July 29, 2004 Roflmao! i needed a good laugh! Im bored silly today...She is not a "Dumb Blonde" - She is a "Light-Haired Detour Off The Information Superhighway." eeneR TF#72, FB#4130, Incauto Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diablopilot 2 #5 July 29, 2004 I'm having trouble deciding, but I think I like this one best..... Quote15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield. ---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chopchop 0 #6 July 29, 2004 This si my favorite... eewww.. the visuals.. Quote25. Never, ever, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. chopchop gotta go... Plaything needs a spanking.. Lotsa Pictures Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #7 July 29, 2004 21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. Not funny - true OK - maybe it is SO true that it IS funny.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lummy 4 #8 July 29, 2004 some more to add Zen Thoughts for those who take life too seriously Save the whales. Collect the whole set. A day without sunshine is like night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Remember, half the people you know are below average. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade! Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it! If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand... OK, so what's the speed of dark? How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. I promise not to TP Davis under canopy.. eat sushi, get smoochieTTK#1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
champu 1 #9 July 29, 2004 Last night there was a short bit by Seth MacFarlane (Family Guy) talking about one of the episodes... What you should learn from this episode is how important it is to control your anger. Take me for example, when someone pisses me off I just remember that I'm outrageously wealthy, and that makes it all okay. But if you're not, try this: next time someone pisses you off, don't lash out at them, just go home, get yourself a punching bag, and punch at it all you want... ...for about eight weeks or so. Then go over to the guy's house that pissed you off and knock on his door. When he answers the door, tell him you're from the census and ask if he'd mind answering a few questions. He'll say, "sure." Then you say, "Does this hurt?" then you beat the everloving crap out of him. And there's nothing he can do about it, because he hasn't been working out with a punching bag for the last eight weeks. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #10 July 29, 2004 QuoteIf Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? She's in a sorority...sort of like how you have to buy Ken, he's in a Frat...--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diablopilot 2 #11 July 29, 2004 QuoteFamily Guy One of the best shows EVER!---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #12 July 29, 2004 QuoteFamily Guy One of the best shows EVER! Damn straight! Every weekday I'm watching it on Adult Swim, even though I've seen every episode, I still can't help it.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pia 0 #13 July 29, 2004 Thanks for kick starting my weekend **giggles** **Those who refuse to live and learn simply exist** Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 140 #14 July 30, 2004 you like being kicked by diablopilot ?? The duct tape one is really nice...scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
