Hurricane Advice for Floridans

[miked10270 0]

Since that crazy fun-lovin Ivan is looking like he's heading for the land of Disney and Oranges, I thought I'd offer some advice gleaned from an old article.

Sorry there's no link, but the whole thing was a bit long winded...

Basically it advised Floridans to stock up on a Petrol Generator, Duct Tape, Weather Board, Timber and roofing materials... And use the stuff to build a house in Wyoming - The State with CHEAP Hurricane insurance!!"

Mike.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

[Viking 0]

ya moving sounds like a good idea

I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver
My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin

[Tailgate 0]

Is this the one you meant?

FLORIDA HURRICANE PREPARATION
>
You all should be aware of hurricane preparations, but
in case you need a refresher course:
We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season.
Any minute now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a
weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the
Atlantic Ocean and making two basic meteorological points.
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.
>
Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in
Florida. If you're new to the area, you're probably
wondering what you need to do to prepare for the
possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one."
Based on our insurance industry experiences, we recommend
that you follow this simple three-step hurricane
preparedness plan:
STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your
family for at least three days.
STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until
Halloween.
Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will
not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly
stay here in Flori! da. We'll start with one of the most
important hurricane preparedness items:
HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must
have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is
cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic
requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Wisconsin
Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any
other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most
insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane
insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU
money, and that is certainly not why they got into the
insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to
scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge
you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement
value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop
you like used dental floss.
>
EVACUATION ROUTE:
If you live in a low-lying area, you should! have an
evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you
live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if
it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area.) The
purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being
trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you
will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles
from your home, along with two hundred thousand other
evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.
HURRICANE SUPPLIES:
If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of
supplies. Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires
that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to
the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers
over who gets the last can of cat food. In addition to food
and water, you will need the following supplies:
23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn
out, when the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the
flashlights.
Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for.
NOBODY knows what the bleach is for, but it's traditional,
so GET some!)
A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will
be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)
A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the
alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the
hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.)
$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the
hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with
no discernible teeth.
Of course these are just basic precautions. As the
hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep
abreast of the situation by turning on your television if
you have a generator that's working to keep the TV going
and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next
to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally
important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.
Good luck and remember: It's! great living in Paradise
>

_________________________________________________
Let me live in my house by the side of the road and be a friend to man- Sam Walter Foss

[mr2mk1g 10]

For my advice I'd like to rely on a quote from the film "Scary Movie" given by the character named "Shorty". It goes something like this:

Quote

Run bitch - RUN!

I know it's quite complicated advice, but I'm sure y'all cope with it.

[wingnut 0]

Quote

And use the stuff to build a house in Wyoming - The State with CHEAP Hurricane insurance!!"

but who would wantto, i drive through wyoming evey so often and alli ever see are some windmills (genorators) and cows... not much else there to include civilization....

______________________________________
"i have no reader's digest version"

[miked10270 0]

"...all I ever see are some windmills (generators) and cows..."

So... No Sheep (sorry NacMac), and no Alligators.

"... not much else there to include civilization...."

That's fine. Not that many Floridans are civilised.

30% of Floridans are in the "crumbly" age group. They aint gonna get out. Not driving at 14mph in the Left Lane.

30% of Floridans are drug dealers who're all excited waiting for a big load of Blow to come up from The Caribbean Islands.

30% of Floridans have just found out that Chechnya and a load of Islamic Fundamentalist Terrorists are right next to Georgia. There's NO WAY (!!) they're gonna cross the state line unless the drug dealers'll loan them machine guns.

5% of Floridans are going to Cincinnatti to appear on Jerry Springer "My Trailer, My Cousin and our kids all disappeared one night and turned up in Kansas"

4.98% of Floridans can't spell "Wyoming" and ain't gonna ask for directions from some inbred Confederate Southerner.

<0.02% of Floridans are skydivers and can be accomodated at a DZ near you.

The 4 Floridans who DO turn up in Wyoming shouldn't be so damn fussy!!!

Mike.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Quote

For my advice I'd like to rely on a quote from the film "Scary Movie" given by the character named "Shorty". It goes something like this:

Quote

Run bitch - RUN!

I know it's quite complicated advice, but I'm sure y'all cope with it.

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[happythoughts 0]

Perhaps we could borrow the Wyoming windsock.

[ChasingBlueSky 0]

looks like a good day for a cross country

_________________________________________
you can burn the land and boil the sea, but you can't take the sky from me....
I WILL fly again.....

[miked10270 0]

Quote

Perhaps we could borrow the Wyoming windsock.

Good idea.
But given Next Week's News, where're you gonna put it?

Mike.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.