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Slappie

Blonde Jokes (No offence to blondes)

By Slappie, in The Bonfire

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Slappie    9

Slappie
Let's see some really good blonde jokes.. I'm blonde (male) so they don't offend me!!

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of
her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers
the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some
of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up
again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again,
the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says
brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the
street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath,
the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The
trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you
are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next
light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back
to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says...
"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Minnesota and I'm driving the SALT
TRUCK!




"Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them."

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Slappie    9

Slappie
Here's another..

A blonde girl came home from school and said, "Mommy, Mommy! Today at
school we learned to count. The other girls could only count to 5, but
listen to me: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! Isn't that good, Mommy?"

"Yes, dear, that's very good."

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, dear, it's because you're blonde."

The next day, she came home from school and said, "Mommy, Mommy! Today at
school we learned the alphabet. The other girls could only get to F, but
listen to me: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J! Isn't that good, Mommy?"

"Yes, dear, that's very good."

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, dear, it's because you're blonde."

The next day she came home from school and said, "Mommy, Mommy! Today at
school we went swimming, and, well, all the other girls have no breasts,
but look at me!" She opened her blouse to reveal an impressive pair of 36
D's. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"No, dear, it's because you're 26."




"Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them."

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Slappie    9

Slappie

HAH ;) I haven't seen some of those.. Most I've seen before..

Dang Sonic! I think you killed my thread all in one post. LMAO :S:P




"Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them."

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Slappie    9

Slappie
Quote

why would you post (no offence to blondes) in your post title?
they dont get it anyway


Just in case some do understand the jokes..



"Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them."

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Gawain    0

Gawain
A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating
along in her lycra shorts, smiling at everyone, listening to her Walkman. She
decides that she really needs a haircut.

She skates into the first salon she sees and goes up to the hairdresser
and says, "I need a haircut." The hairdresser checks her out and says, "OK,
sit down and take off your headphones."

"No way!" shouts the blonde, "If I take off my headphones, I'll die!"

"Then I can't give you a haircut," replies the hairdresser.

So the blonde gets up and leaves and skates further down the board-walk. She
sees another salon, goes in, and says to the hairdresser, "I need a
haircut... but you can't take off my headphones or I'll die!"

The hairdresser looks at her a little weird, but says, "OK, no problem. Have
a seat." So the blonde sits down and the hairdresser comes up behind her, and
when she isn't looking, he rips the headphones off her head. Suddenly the
blonde starts choking, and soon turns blue in the face, then keels over and
dies right there in the salon chair.

The hairdresser is a little freaked by this. He leans over and cautiously
listens into the blonde's headphones and he hears...

"Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out..."

***************

"Why was the blonde staring at the orange juice?"
"Because it said CONCENTRATE !"

***************

A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong!
Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying.

The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!"

The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?"

The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"
So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

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Bolas    5

Bolas
Major Bump for GFD.

1st DEGREE: A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The Husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."

2nd DEGREE: Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The
second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

3rd DEGREE: A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she
does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shutup, you're next!"

4th DEGREE: A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says,"OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy: W."

5th DEGREE: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"

6th DEGREE: A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the
officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I
swerved to the left and there was...." "Uh, ma'am, 'the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

7th DEGREE: Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As
the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and
then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,"I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

baby's hungry and the money's all gone. the folks back home don't want to talk on the phone.
Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

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