turtlespeed 226 #51 October 1, 2004 Quote Wooooo! Just stopped laughing! That was a cool story! Thanks! t Like a "Funniest home videos" winnerI'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #52 October 2, 2004 Quote I was about 17 at the time, walked into a local large chemists store and as I went through the door I tripped. And instead of just falling in a heap and getting it over and done with I thought no, I can recover this, so went into a run with the plan that if I picked up enough speed I could get my legs back under my body and stop myself from falling over. Well that didn't quite go to plan, and I ended up running and picking up speed down the entire aisle of the shop before I ran out of runway and collided with a makeup counter at the end and fell backwards in a heap covered in bits of makeup. um, what was your wing loading? Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lowtimer 0 #53 October 2, 2004 2 reasons why I didn't get laid in high school: In eighth grade I was in an AP math class at the high school and would stay for the study period afterwards. I sat right in front of a table full of senior football players. They had this game where they would alternate saying 'penis' louder and louder until one would quit. I thought if I could top them, my popularity would instantly increase (and maybe I would finally get some ass--teenage logic). So they were playing the game, I could hear them behind me and all of a sudden sweet silence. I decided this was my moment to shine and yelled 'PENIS!' as loud as I possibly could. Everyone turned around initially laughing but there looks quickly turned to horror. I turned around as well, and there stood the reason for the silence of the seniors. The superintendent of THE WHOLE FUCKING DISTRICT (who also happened to be the pastor at my church) was standing in the door. My popularity could only be measured by the shouts of references to male genitalia following me through the halls. At least I got a weeks' vacation from school! My stupidity knows no bounds. One year later I was still all braces, freakishly red hair and skin that made Casper look like a bronzed god. A senior girl (cheerleader, no less) sat in front of me and I would give her the answers to her physics homework (for purely altruistic reasons, of course). Well, she was actually asking about ME for once and I thought 'holy shit, she might LIKE me!' I managed to keep my wood under control. Unfortunately, the Taco Bell I had eaten for lunch wasn't quite agreeing with me and I was holding in an enormous green cloud of gas, enduring an incredible amount of pain in the process. To complicate matters further I was getting over a cold and sneezing regularly. I felt a sneeze coming up, and knew I wasn't going to be able to suppress the inevitable expulsions from both of my orifices (orifici?) Panic set in, and I quickly hatched a plan. I decided I would let the sneeze go while clenching my ass so hard you couldn't get a greased needle up it. With an outward calm that belied my tumultous interior (mental and intenstinal), I asked the cheerleader to excuse me, covered my mouth and sneezed normally. Immediately afterward a secondary explosion to rival Nagasaki emanted from my ass. Sounded like a minigun, actually. Canvas ripping. A cloud of VX enveloped the cheerleader and I and she made sure the whole room knew it smelled BAD. I don't think anyone heard her, though, as the room was filled with riotous laughter. To this day I am proud of my recovery: Pointed to the teacher and said, "I bet you can't beat that one, buddy!" Oh, and she never sat near me or talked to me again. I can't say I blame her, gas masks ARE expensive. Sorry for the book. ---------------------------------- Successfully avoiding adult responsibility since 1978! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
christoofar 0 #54 October 2, 2004 Hmmm I dunno... I do embarrasing stuff every day. I going nude for dz.com was already enough for this month. ____________________________________________________________ I'm RICK JAMES! Fo shizzle. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
QuickDraw 0 #55 October 2, 2004 This is a story which was told to me by a mate on the coach (that's a bus for you Americans) the day after this happened. Ok.. Rock City Nottingham... we used to get a coach from where I live, and until I was about 30 years old I don't think I ever remembered leaving the place, Friday was students night meaning uber-low beer prices, anyway.. I wake up on the coach on the way back home with a 'piss-hard-on' to be proud of, and I'm staggering bow-legged down towards the rear of the coach (with my dick out) hunting for a spot to relieve myself in, that was when the driver decided to 'stab' his brakes, sending me into a backwards canter, which was only stopped by me taking my hands off my dick and grabbing a headrest that happened to be passing me on my right-hand side, resulting in me being thrown sideways & backwards into the seats (just in front of the headrest that I grabbed) flattening and waking the petite girl who was occupying those seats it was there that I passed out, ....and started to relieve myself all over this girls upper body, her hands struggled from underneath me to try and stop this stream of piss, but she just couldn't, as I was lying across her and tailoring to the right, it meant she was getting a facefull. I've never seen this girl to this day, but her sister still points at me. The guy who saw this was sitting opposite this girl and apparently his laughter woke the rest of the coach up... apart from me that is.... -- Hope you don't die. -- I'm fucking winning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lightningbugirl 0 #56 October 2, 2004 Was 17 & walking into dept. store w/ some friends in a new town that I so wanted to fit in w/ & I tripped, grabbed something to steady myself & pulled down an entire kaufmanns front window display, which was unfortunately connected to the sporting goods window display next door & the lingerie store next to that. Apparently the stores were technically all connected!! The domino effect was so powerful it threw a naked mannequin out of lingerie store's open door & onto the street. My nickname SR year was officially-- Grace. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
caz 0 #57 October 4, 2004 Quote Wooooo! Just stopped laughing! That was a cool story! Thanks! t I'm a klutz, what can I say! you can't take me anywhere! ~~~ London Skydivers ~~~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
caz 0 #58 October 4, 2004 Quote Quote Wooooo! Just stopped laughing! That was a cool story! Thanks! t Like a "Funniest home videos" winner yeah I watch those shows in dread that one day I might see myself on there! ~~~ London Skydivers ~~~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
