vivian 0 #1 October 6, 2004 When a marriage is over? Is it.... when the kids ask, "Why is Daddy always cross with you?" or when you have nothing left in common? or when you can't remember the last time you had sex (never mind enjoyed it)? or his ideal is you working together and you would rather die than do that? or when you catch yourself thinking that you wish you could find him having an affair so that you had an excuse to leave? or you become totally indifferent? or when you find yourselves in the same argument groove and feel that youv'e had this conversation countless times before and it's a waste of air? or you would rather just be alone? or you have different life ideals and dreams? or when what you does irritates him, and what he does irritates you? So...my question: how do you know when it's over? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #2 October 6, 2004 QuoteSo...my question: how do you know when it's over? If you have to ask, it's probably already over I don't think there is such a thing as a universal definition. But essentially, when you'd rather not be around your spouse the being around him/her is a pretty good indication. "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peregrinerose 0 #3 October 6, 2004 I agree with Frenchy. Took me 3 years of questioning before I finally realized just how miserable we both were, marriage counselling just brought out how truly different we are as people, and our goals in life were bipolar and not resolvable into one. It still sucks though Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DrunkMonkey 0 #4 October 6, 2004 It's postings like this that make me just want to shack up for the rest of my life after my girl finishes law school, instead of getting married... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
edwinsneller 0 #5 October 6, 2004 Marriage isn't for everybody. My wife and I were best friends before getting married and 14 years hasn't changed that. I watched my parents try to hold it together for too many years and it just made them miserable. If it's time to get out, then it's time to get out.--- Some days it's not even worth the effort to chew through the restraints. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #6 October 6, 2004 QuoteHow do you know when a marriage is over? I always just assumed it's 30 seconds after saying "i do". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #7 October 6, 2004 Why? A marriage is a meeting of souls not a piece of paper.... So weather you shack up for the rest of my life or go through some religious/civil ceromony, will make no difference... If you are destined to stay together (and both work at it) you will. (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildcard451 0 #8 October 6, 2004 QuoteIt's postings like this that make me just want to shack up for the rest of my life after my girl finishes law school, instead of getting married... It is postings like this that affirm my view of the internet fuckwad theory. Someone please link this crap to "Bonfire fluff" thread. If you're asking, it's over. If you post anonymously to an internet forum....yeah. It's really over. Jesus. Grow up and handle your business. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eeneR 3 #9 October 6, 2004 Been there done that...have the papers..... You have to step back and look at everything. We cannot read each others minds. And for that matter sometimes we cannot read our own...our heart will tell us one thing and our mind another. I guess I can say, look at the big picture, is there something from the outside influencing things going on? Is your SO stressed or depressed? are you? these things can make people act very much out of charactor. If your heart is gone...if both your hearts are gone...it is over. But you really have to do a lot of soul searching to be sure....She is not a "Dumb Blonde" - She is a "Light-Haired Detour Off The Information Superhighway." eeneR TF#72, FB#4130, Incauto Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vivian 0 #10 October 6, 2004 No-one forces you to read any of this..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gravityizsexy 0 #11 October 6, 2004 tried counsoling??? ummmm..... there have been studies about marriage counsolers experimenting with an Ecstacy-like dosage.. basically you go through some sessions with the counsoler then they will tell you if it (the procedure) is right for you then you will have a somewhat romatic weekend setup for you and your partner... blah blah blah. it's supposed to help communicate (both talk and listen) your feelings and aspects of life with open open arms. Then you will know for sure... I've never done it, I did a essay on it... But it sounds to me like you don't want to give up on your marriage without a fight due to time investment... which is plausible, but I can't really agree, because I'm going through a stage in my life in which Im doing what makes me happy, and I love it! I'm also 22... soooooo, ya know, experience tells me not to get too attached at my age. You apparently also have kids... so I guess it's not just your life... I wouldn't know, I don't have any. If your having trouble asking him what his perception of whats going on... ya know what.. PM me, I'll hook you up.... "'Someday is not a day in my week'" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vivian 0 #12 October 6, 2004 It does still suck....especially with kids. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #13 October 6, 2004 All relationships have a value that is the sum of the positive aspects and the negative ones. Relationships with parent, friends, spouses, etc. Figure out what you like and dislike and how much it matters. See how it adds up. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #14 October 6, 2004 Wow brandon, tell us how you really feel. Don't worry, when we get married, it will last forever...i'll never stop loving you. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #15 October 6, 2004 QuoteQuoteHow do you know when a marriage is over? I always just assumed it's 30 seconds after saying "i do". That sounded bitter. You have way too much baggage. If you need any relationship advice, just pm me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slappie 9 #16 October 6, 2004 QuoteQuoteIt's postings like this that make me just want to shack up for the rest of my life after my girl finishes law school, instead of getting married... It is postings like this that affirm my view of the internet fuckwad theory. Someone please link this crap to "Bonfire fluff" thread. If you're asking, it's over. If you post anonymously to an internet forum....yeah. It's really over. Jesus. Grow up and handle your business. Dayummmmmmmm!! "Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have found out the exact measure of injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #17 October 6, 2004 it's over when you can walk away with no regrets, knowing you gave it the best shot you possibly could, and things just didn't work out through no fault of your own. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
weegegirl 2 #18 October 6, 2004 Damn. I still don't get it. Why do people get married if they aren't 300% positive it is forever?? Because if you aren't for sure, all you are doing is playing a very, very, very, very expensive game of russian roulette. I agree... bonfire fluff. Sorry, not to be mean, but if you are making a post like that, then I'm sure you know the answer. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #19 October 6, 2004 QuoteWhy do people get married if they aren't 300% positive it is forever?? The hormones of a 22 year-old. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Keith 0 #20 October 6, 2004 You don't want to know my answer to your question.Keith Don't Fuck with me Keith - J. Mandeville Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildcard451 0 #21 October 6, 2004 QuoteDayummmmmmmm!! Yeah, what can you do? I was inspired by your thread. This definitely qualifies as dryer lint. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TypicalFish 0 #22 October 6, 2004 QuoteIt is postings like this that affirm my view of the internet fuckwad theory. Someone please link this crap to "Bonfire fluff" thread. Funny, your's just did the same thing for me. Have you ever needed affirmation? Or a friendly voice? Or completely objective opinions? Even if it was from complete strangers? People deal with grief/tragedy/uncertainty in alot of different ways; some I don't understand any more than you do. Who are you to pass judgement on it?"I gargle no man's balls..." ussfpa on SOCNET Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gravityizsexy 0 #23 October 6, 2004 well said... "'Someday is not a day in my week'" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PrairieDoug 0 #24 October 6, 2004 QuoteIt is postings like this that affirm my view of the internet fuckwad theory. Someone please link this crap to "Bonfire fluff" thread. If you're asking, it's over. If you post anonymously to an internet forum....yeah. It's really over. Jesus. Grow up and handle your business Speak for yourself. I found her question to be relevant to my own experience and a reasonable attempt to gain some perspective on a difficult and complex personal issue. Like she mentioned, you are free to ignore any posts that don't interest you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,589 #25 October 6, 2004 One way you know is if he leaves. One way he knows is if you leave. Or if he won't go for counseling (of course, you should be willing to go with). Regardless, if you have children in common, you have a relationship, and you both owe it to your children to make it a working one, even if you don't stay married. That's incredibly imortant. Good luck Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
