Rodney Dangerfield...RIP

[mardigrasbob 0]

tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes. And I tell ya I got no confidence in the pilot. When he makes a left turn he puts his hand out.





www.rodney.com/rodney/home/home.asp

[SpeedRacer 1]

He was born Jacob Cohen, but changed his name to Rodney Dangerfield:

How Rodney Got His Name
What's in a Name?
I tell you, with me nothing works out. I always get stuck. That's how I got my name, RODNEY DANGERFIELD.

When I went into show business I saw an ad in the paper. It said: "Improve Your Personalilty..." So, I went to see the man.

He told me my personality was okay but my name was my problem.

I said to him, "My name? How could a name be a problem? Even William Shakespeare said, 'What's in a name?"

He said, "Who?"

I said, "William Shakespeare."

He said, "Look, do you want to listen to me or do you want to listen to your friends?"

I said to him, "I don't understand. Is it good to change your name?"

He said, "Of course I always keep changing my name. In fact, right now I can give you a very good deal. I can give you a new name for five hundred dollars".

I said, "Five hundred dollars! That's a lot of money."

He said, "It's a great name. It's a name once people hear it, they'll start saying it."

I said, "What's the name?"

He said, "Rodney Dangerfield."

I said, "RODNEY DANGERFIELD?"

He said, "See, you just heard it, and your're starting to say it! Listen to me, take the name."

I said, "Wait a minute. Suppose I use the name and I don't like it. Can I bring it back?" He said, "Of course. All I ask is one thing. While you're using the name, don't give it a bad name!"

So I decided to call myself Rodney Dangerfield. As soon as I got home, I thought to myself I made a mistake. I called the guy up. I said, "Look, I want my money back. This is Rodney Dangerfield."

He said, "Who?"

I said, "Dangerfield! Don't you remember?"

He said, "Oh, yeah, Shakespeare's friend."

I said, "Look, I don't want the name."

He said, "Don't be foolish. Try it for two weeks. I guarantee you'll like it."
I tried the name for two weeks, I still didn't like it. I went to bring it back. I couldn't find the guy.

He changed his name.

Speed Racer
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[SpeedRacer 1]

"I know she does a lot of charity work. She handles all the Policemen's balls!"


"My wife told me I was one in a million. Later I found out it was true!"

Speed Racer
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[Gravitymaster 0]

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.


I tell you, I'm not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!

With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.

I'm trying a new diet now. The diet is Viagra and prune juice. I tell ya, I don't know if I'm coming or going.


Last night I came home, I walked in the house, I picked up the extension. My wife was having phone sex with some guy. I told the guy, "Don't let her fool you, she's faking it."


I had a good time last week. I did a show; the whole audience was midgets. I got a standing ovation - I didn't even know it!


tell ya, with me, sleep is important. Well, last night I went to bed, I couldn't sleep. I started to count sheep - I got horny!


Thanks for all the laughs Rodney. You were one of the greats. I used to start laughing as soon as I saw him come on stage. The first time his eyes would bulge out I'd lose it.

[PLFKING 4]

A few more classics from a classic....

"I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, 'There goes the neighborhood!'"

---

"When I was born, I was so ugly that the doctor slapped my mother."

---

"When I started in show business, I played one club that was so far out, my act was reviewed in Field and Stream."

---

"Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?'"

---

"When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up."

---

"I never got girls when I was a kid. One girl told me, `Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. There was nobody home."

---

"When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me."

---

"When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's."

---

"With my wife, I don't get no respect. The other night there was a knock on the front door. My wife told me to hide in the closet."

---

"With my wife, I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it."

"When in doubt I whip it out,
I got me a rock-and-roll band.
It's a free-for-all."

[jumpinjackflash 0]

I loved everything the man ever did.

Truly, truly the last of the great "old ones".

He will be missed.


jjf

It's a gas, gas, gas...