Evelyn 0 #1 October 15, 2004 Do you get those every year? Usually with a photo of the family all smiling on their latest vacation. The enclosed letter will explain their latest vacation along with job promotions, new vacation homes, kids accomplishments, etc. I read these and say to myself, wow, my life sucks compared to theirs. I usually don't sent out cards, let alone letters, but one year I got this brilliant idea to send out a letter as a joke. I even included a photo, which was of the family taken at halloween in costumes. The letter basically said, we'll we made it through another year, divorce is pending, but we're in counseling., husband lost his job but hoping not to lose the house, dog got run over by a car, kids are flunking out of school, etc., etc. I have a really warped sense of humor Life is either a daring adventure or nothing ~ Helen Keller Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
misskriss 0 #2 October 15, 2004 ok...that is hysterical. I'm not a big fan of "look how great we are" letters at Xmas time. I do send a picture of the kiddies to family but I HATE those letters. They are often written in the third person which bugs the hell out of me. "Audrey spent the weekend scrapbooking with friends.." an actual quote from a xmas letter.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
juanesky 0 #3 October 15, 2004 QuoteDear Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a fucking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa Quote Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa Quote Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane, do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa Quote Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. Santa Quote Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch. Santa Quote Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa Quote Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know When we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa Quote Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that Crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa Quote Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
