Essex Hurricane

[nigel99 641]

Hurricane hits Essex


A major Hurricane (Shazza) measuring 7.8 on the Beaufort scale hit in
the early hours of Monday. Epicentre: Basildon, Essex. Victims were seen
wandering around aimless muttering "faaackin ell" ...


The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of
damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish
Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out
cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro
arrived.


Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were
confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact
that something interesting had happened in Basildon.


One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It
was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my
bedroom crying. My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept
through it all.
I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."


Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as
normal.The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of
Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.


Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found
large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books,
jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.


HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
sought after, items most needed include:


-- Fila or Burberry baseball caps
-- Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
-- Shell suits (female)
-- White sport socks
-- Rockport boots
-- Any other items usually sold in Primark.


Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include:
-- Microwave meals
-- Tins of baked beans
-- Ice cream
-- Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.


22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9
£5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of
those affected.


**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret - 'Where
are you bleeding from?' they asked - "ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that
got to do wiv it?"

Experienced jumper - someone who has made mistakes more often than I have and lived.

[Zeemax 0]

*cough*


is it last year again?

Phoenix Fly - High performance wingsuits for skydiving and BASE
Performance Designs - Simply brilliant canopies

[nigel99 641]

? don't understand - is this a repost?

Experienced jumper - someone who has made mistakes more often than I have and lived.

[Zeemax 0]

not so much a repost, but an e-mail thats floated around for years...

Phoenix Fly - High performance wingsuits for skydiving and BASE
Performance Designs - Simply brilliant canopies

[fatmarl 0]

Last time I saw this it was Merseyside that had the hurricane (and I'm a Scouser).