mnealtx 0 #1 November 2, 2004 Well, it's over... time to do the divorce thing. Anyone that's gone through a long-distance divorce, I could use any advice you can provide. Thanks!Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dumpster 0 #2 November 2, 2004 Well - Sorry to hear it's over - When I divorced my first wife I was living here in Illinois and she was in New York - Don't what kind of questions you might have and laws vary greatly from state to state but I'll do the best I can. Just PM me. Easy Does It Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
leroydb 0 #3 November 2, 2004 wish there was somthing I could say or do. Military life is very hard for the other spouse. They have to be very strong. without know all the details I can only wish you the best of luck in seperating cleanlyLeroy ..I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw my bath toys were a toaster and a radio... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #4 November 2, 2004 Thank you all for the kind wishes. I'm hoping to get advice for how to manage all this long distance - are there any specific snags that I'll have to work through, things like that. We're determined to remain friends through it, if it's at all possible. She's keeping the horses, and getting custody of our daughter, as there's no way I can provide schooling and the like for her over here. Also, Texas almost overwhelmingly awards custody to the mother. We're mostly in agreement on everything - I'm just a bit overwhelmed by it all and I'm trying to figure out where to get started.Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gravitymaster 0 #5 November 2, 2004 Best advice I can give you is to get a good Divorce Lawyer. You may not want to hear that and you may think the 2 of you can work thru a divorce with one lawyer and I hope you can, but I wouldn't bet on it. Rule of thumb is if she's got one, so should you. There's a lot of guys out there that will agree with me. When it comes to crunch time, people change. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tonto 1 #6 November 2, 2004 I agree with you. On election day. It's not so much that people change - they just finally reveal who they really are. I walked out and left everything. Every stick of furniture, every appliance. It was worth it. When I pick up the kids and it (The ex) hugs me, I cringe inwardly. I pay my maintenance each month, speak to my kids daily, have them every second weekend - and am grateful for each day I spend away from that dreadful, immoral, dishonest woman I thought I knew. tIt's the year of the Pig. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #7 November 2, 2004 A coworker has already recommended the lawyer he used in his divorce. I've also been doing a bit of research trying to figure out what all my options are. I'll definitely be getting my own lawyer. I'm just hoping that everything goes smoothly.Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,595 #8 November 2, 2004 It's possible for it to go smoothly. The less angry each of you is, the more likely that is to happen if you really want to move on, and not just over the other person. My ex and I did use one lawyer. We made up a list of what we wanted, and told him that's what he was to do. He told me (I'd engaged him, so he did pretty much have to) that I could get a better deal, and I told him that's fine, but this is the deal that we want. The divorce cost $1000 that way. All the money that we could have spent contesting got to be spent in considerably more entertaining things. And I still talk to him fairly regularly -- we have a son in common; even though he's almost 21, he still has 2 parents. Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #9 November 2, 2004 QuoteWe're determined to remain friends through it, if it's at all possible. She's keeping the horses, and getting custody of our daughter, as there's no way I can provide schooling and the like for her over here. Also, Texas almost overwhelmingly awards custody to the mother. DO NOT GIVE UP CUSTODY OF YOUR DAUGHTER. If yo do you are a fool. Texas, actually is a pro-dad state. I have a great attorney in Houston if you need one. The judge in Texas gave me EVERYTHING from the divorce.. She got the clothes on her back and that was it. How old is your girl? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #10 November 2, 2004 She's 14. The problem is that I work in Kosovo - there's no support structure (schools, hospital, etc) for her, and, due to the equipment that I work with/on, there's no job openings stateside for me. At this point I don't see much of a way around it - I've got to get my finances straightened out (due to stuff that's happened in the last 6 months) and I can support my daughter much better with this job than I can if I quit and end up working at Stop-n-Go.Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhino 0 #11 November 2, 2004 QuoteThe problem is that I work in Kosovo Being that she is 14 I guess it isn't as big of a deal. However... I would come stateside and find a position. 14 is a pretty important age for a daughter to have a proper male role model. Don't you think? Rhino Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 37 #12 November 2, 2004 QuoteBest advice I can give you is to get a good Divorce Lawyer. It is possible to get a divorce without using any lawyers. My ex and I managed just fine without them.She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #13 November 2, 2004 Sure I do - but I have to GET a position stateside, first... that's the problem. The military is the main user of the equipment I'm certified on. That means 90+% of the jobs are overseas contracts.Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dtpilot 0 #14 November 2, 2004 to bad for the divorce..good luck "Believe me! The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously!" -- Friedrich Nietzsche Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gjhdiver 0 #15 November 2, 2004 QuoteWell, it's over... time to do the divorce thing. Anyone that's gone through a long-distance divorce, I could use any advice you can provide. Thanks! Simple. One day at a time, and never allow your emotions to rule your head. It's hard at first, but it gets easier with every day that passes, and allows you to reconstruct a better life. Also, you have a daughter, so the more calm and pleasant you are in the separation will affect how easy it is for her, and also help you with the fact that you will still be dealing with your ex for many years to come. It's three years for me, and I have a great relationship with my ex, a great new SO, and I couldn't be happier. Just stay the course, get it over with, and make a real effort to avoid any bitterness, because in the end, that will only poison you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #16 November 2, 2004 My main practice is as a family law attorney (jeez, I've done so many other things). Here's what you need to do - view this process as a business decision with regards to property, debts, etc. With regard to your child, it's always harder to get back what you have lost, i.e., custody. On the other hand, when you come back to the US, your circumstances will have changed, and I would suspect that you will get far more visitation, if not custody, when you return from Kosovo. The court probably won't allow you custody in Kosovo, but if you move back, your chances are much better. Just keep the emotion out of it, and above all, do what is best for you child, and not for you or the other parent. Do what's best for her. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gmanpilot 0 #17 November 2, 2004 Quote -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Best advice I can give you is to get a good Divorce Lawyer. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It is possible to get a divorce without using any lawyers. My ex and I managed just fine without them. Quote I totally agree, my ex and I worked the details out on a legal pad in about 30 minutes, and we were divorced less than a week later. The only reason we needed an attorned was for the filing. My biggest piece of advice would be to not be greedy with the terms and move on._________________________________________ -There's always free cheese in a mouse trap. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites flygirl03 0 #18 November 3, 2004 QuoteBest advice I can give you is to get a good Divorce Lawyer. You may not want to hear that and you may think the 2 of you can work thru a divorce with one lawyer and I hope you can, but I wouldn't bet on it. Rule of thumb is if she's got one, so should you. There's a lot of guys out there that will agree with me. When it comes to crunch time, people change. a resounding AMEN to that. i was such a fool and felt so Guilty about wanting out.. that i agreed to using the same lawyer... BIG mistake Mike... You hang in there... All will be better for you in the long run!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ earthbound misfit Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Gravitymaster 0 #19 November 3, 2004 QuoteQuoteBest advice I can give you is to get a good Divorce Lawyer. It is possible to get a divorce without using any lawyers. My ex and I managed just fine without them. Yes, it is possible. People do it all the time. Problem is if she gets greedy or has a lawyer who convinces her to go for the juggler, by the time he realizes it he's screwed. My advice is to have an attorney because his rights will be protected. The small amout of money an attorney costs compared to the long term financial burden that can occur without one is worth it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites soulshine 0 #20 November 3, 2004 QuoteAlso, you have a daughter, so the more calm and pleasant you are in the separation will affect how easy it is for her, and also help you with the fact that you will still be dealing with your ex for many years to come. I totally agree with this. So many times in divorce people tend to start thinking of themselves and how much they want out that the children are used as a weapon or are relegated to an afterthought. My parents divorced when I was 2 so the only memories that I have of them are pleasant ones. I couldn't imagine my parents married (I've been told that they were terrible together) but I see them every day as good friends. Also, the every other weekend thing is not so bad, it's how you use your time that counts. My dad always tried to make our time together special and I have some great memories as a result. When you return from Kosovo try to call your daughter as often as possible. Chances are that she's scared and confused, especially since she is an adolecent. Regardless, keep us posted on how things turn out. Good luck! Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity! ~DEVIOUS BEEF~~FGF #69~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mnealtx 0 #21 November 3, 2004 I'm definitely getting my own attorney - no doubts about that! I'm trying to do whats best for all of us at this point. I've been searching for a job stateside for the last several years, so I don't see that changing. I know that I'm not negotiating on a couple items: visitation with my daughter when I'm on vacation, and I'm reserving the right to request custody at a later date if I feel it necessary.Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mx757 4 #22 November 3, 2004 I've never been married... but I call divorce, the screwing you get, for the screwing you got. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mnealtx 0 #23 November 3, 2004 That about covers it, yep.... Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
flygirl03 0 #18 November 3, 2004 QuoteBest advice I can give you is to get a good Divorce Lawyer. You may not want to hear that and you may think the 2 of you can work thru a divorce with one lawyer and I hope you can, but I wouldn't bet on it. Rule of thumb is if she's got one, so should you. There's a lot of guys out there that will agree with me. When it comes to crunch time, people change. a resounding AMEN to that. i was such a fool and felt so Guilty about wanting out.. that i agreed to using the same lawyer... BIG mistake Mike... You hang in there... All will be better for you in the long run!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ earthbound misfit Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gravitymaster 0 #19 November 3, 2004 QuoteQuoteBest advice I can give you is to get a good Divorce Lawyer. It is possible to get a divorce without using any lawyers. My ex and I managed just fine without them. Yes, it is possible. People do it all the time. Problem is if she gets greedy or has a lawyer who convinces her to go for the juggler, by the time he realizes it he's screwed. My advice is to have an attorney because his rights will be protected. The small amout of money an attorney costs compared to the long term financial burden that can occur without one is worth it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soulshine 0 #20 November 3, 2004 QuoteAlso, you have a daughter, so the more calm and pleasant you are in the separation will affect how easy it is for her, and also help you with the fact that you will still be dealing with your ex for many years to come. I totally agree with this. So many times in divorce people tend to start thinking of themselves and how much they want out that the children are used as a weapon or are relegated to an afterthought. My parents divorced when I was 2 so the only memories that I have of them are pleasant ones. I couldn't imagine my parents married (I've been told that they were terrible together) but I see them every day as good friends. Also, the every other weekend thing is not so bad, it's how you use your time that counts. My dad always tried to make our time together special and I have some great memories as a result. When you return from Kosovo try to call your daughter as often as possible. Chances are that she's scared and confused, especially since she is an adolecent. Regardless, keep us posted on how things turn out. Good luck! Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity! ~DEVIOUS BEEF~~FGF #69~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #21 November 3, 2004 I'm definitely getting my own attorney - no doubts about that! I'm trying to do whats best for all of us at this point. I've been searching for a job stateside for the last several years, so I don't see that changing. I know that I'm not negotiating on a couple items: visitation with my daughter when I'm on vacation, and I'm reserving the right to request custody at a later date if I feel it necessary.Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mx757 4 #22 November 3, 2004 I've never been married... but I call divorce, the screwing you get, for the screwing you got. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #23 November 3, 2004 That about covers it, yep.... Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
