Woman - A Chemical Analysis

[leroydb 0]

Woman - A Chemical Analysis
Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Discover: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40-200kg
Occurrences: Copious quantities in all urban areas


Physical Properties:
Surface usually covered in painted film.
Boils at nothing; freezes without known reason.
Melts if given special treatment.
Bitter if incorrectly used.
Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.
Yields if pressure applied in correct places.

Chemical Properties:
Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly by saturation in alcohol.
Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

Common Uses:
Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
Can be a great aid to relaxation.
Very effective cleaning agent.

Tests:
Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Hazards:
Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.
Should you experience itching, burning or rash, discontinue use immediately and seek medical treatment.

Leroy


..I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw my bath toys were a toaster and a radio...

[Unstable 9]

Quote

Can be a great aid to relaxation.

HA!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Yeah right!

=========Shaun ==========

[Unstable 9]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but arn't 99% of Chemists dateless wonders?
jk

=========Shaun ==========

[cvfd1399 0]

like this?

[SpeedRacer 1]

ELEMENT :

Man

SYMBOL :

Ma

QUANTITIVE :

Accepted at 7 inches though known to be as small as 4 inches.

DISCOVERER :

Eve (discovered by accident when she had a craving for ribs)

OCCURRENCE :

Often found near dual element Wo, usually in high concentrations surrounding a perfect Wo specimen.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1) surface is often covered with hair; bristly in some areas, soft in others.

2) boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense, melts when treated properly.

3) can cause headaches

4) tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo

5) gains considerable mass and loses reactive nature, as specimen ages

6) specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.

7) often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted form of the Wo common ore.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1) all forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is possible.

2) may react with several Wo isotopes in a short period under extremly favorable conditions.

3) most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo.

4) usually willing to react with whatever is available.

5) will be fairly inert and repellant to most other elements when saturated with alcohol.

6) is repelled by most common household appliances and cleansers.

7) is repelled by small children in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.

8) is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.

STORAGE:

1) best results near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for favorable reaction style.

USES:

1) heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Wo.

2) can be used in recreational activities.

TESTS:

1) pure specimen will rarely reveal purity

2) reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.

CAUTION:

1) may react extremely violently when another Ma interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen.

Speed Racer
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