RoysPlayThing 0 #1 January 9, 2004 I have a very serious question. I am reading a book that I have been reading for several years now called, "Adult Children of Abusive Parents" by Steven Farmer,M.A.,M.F.C.C. .... It's not too much to take in that many people have been abused by their parents in some way or another, and it is a very deep issue to all that have lived through it, so it is hard for me to write this thread... But I was having a discussion with someone the other day regarding the amazing calculations that so many have been through abuse from the people they were grown up and taught that they were supposed to love and turn to in life, and was wondering how many others are going through the same thing as me. Of course not everybody wants to put out in the open that they have been through it, but it does help to know that I'm not alone. Anyone care to share??... PM me if it is more comfortable, I was just searching for a little input on how maybe some got over it, or if some of you may be still struggling to set your life right and how you are going about achieving your life back after such circumstances. Lany P.S. Sorry for the seriousness... I know it is not my usual thread. _______________________________________________ My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RoysPlayThing 0 #2 January 10, 2004 LOL! ... thanks anyway guys. I figured this thread might be too deep for you guys. Peace! Lany_______________________________________________ My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DJL 235 #3 January 10, 2004 QuoteI am reading a book that I have been reading for several years now called, "Adult Children of Abusive Parents" by Steven Farmer,M.A.,M.F.C.C. .... I'm familiar with this. His hypothesis was that the children are very slow readers. Am I right?"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hooked 0 #4 January 10, 2004 Have you read the books by Dave Pelzer? "Lost Boy", "A Child Called It" (and I can't remember the third book). Absolutely a must read, about how Dave Pelzer dealt with and is dealing with being abused. The most compelling series of books I have ever read. Jan -------------------------------------- Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nightjumps 1 #5 January 10, 2004 Don't be surprised by the lack of response. Review the following hyperlink on the "Johari Window" regarding self-disclosure. There's some things that folks choose to remain "Hidden." Especially in cyberspace. http://www.noogenesis.com/game_theory/johari/johari_window.html Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #6 January 10, 2004 Quote LOL! ... thanks anyway guys. I figured this thread might be too deep for you guys. Lany, I don't think that's necessarily true. I've been very open with things in my world, and have found some really intense friendships and help - practical and ephemeral - when I need it. So I don't think it's "too deep" for people her. I've read your post three times. I am utterly unclear as to what you are asking, or what you are seeking. Are you looking for those who may have been abused? To what extent? Why? Are you looking for some support getting through some tough times? What is it you are asking for? If you can clarify that, you may be one step closer to getting it. I really don't know *how* to answer your thread. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
steve1 5 #7 January 10, 2004 Lany, I guess I'm not afraid to tell you that I grew up in an alcoholic abusive home. I spent a lot of years trying to be rough and tough and pretend that shit was behind me, but it didn't work very well at all. Then In my forties I went through a really rought time of it, almost ended up in divorce, and at times was a terrible parent to my kids. Anger and depression were in control of my life. I'd like to say it's all behind me. Today life is good, but the past is still a big part of who I am. People talk about having closure on issues from the past. I doubt if it really works that way though. I guess that is what many of us are seeking. For me it was like a handicap that I learned to deal with. I still battle anger and depression and have trouble detaching from things that happened 40 years ago. Self help books helped me probably more than anything else. A lot of professionals condem them, but it sometimes beats paying a psychologist $150. an hour. Just knowing that others have been through the same crap and understand, helps. Skydiving and my family are also great therapy for me. I hope this helps someone else out there in cyberspace. This sort of thing is difficult to talk about. I've been working as a counselor for a while now, so I guess it's easier for me.....Steve1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JoeyRamone 0 #8 January 10, 2004 There are some good 12 step programs that can offer you help if you are open to take a look. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest #9 January 11, 2004 "Toxic Parents". I had 'em, and at 42 I'm still furious. mh"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
steve1 5 #10 January 12, 2004 Toxic Parents is a great book. The thing that really stuck in my mind after reading it is that some parents don't deserve forgiveness if they have no remorse for what they have done. Learning to forgive yourself is important though and learning to detach from the past is too.....Steve1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest #11 January 12, 2004 QuoteToxic Parents is a great book. The thing that really stuck in my mind after reading it is that some parents don't deserve forgiveness if they have no remorse for what they have done. Learning to forgive yourself is important though and learning to detach from the past is too.....Steve1 Ain't that the f*in' truth! I can't wait for my wicked stepfather to pass on so that I can defecate on his grave! Edit to add - later in life, my mother came to understand how horrible she had been, and expressed regret. Although that's not the same as an apology, it's something. The retribution that offspring will eventually exact for a parent's conduct (such as being totally cut off from any contact with grandchildren, etc. [not mine - my sister] can have a sobering effect. When the toxic parent begins to understand why the kids have put a great deal of geographical distance from them, and don't want to talk to them, it can result in an amazing amount of self-examination). My stepfather will see hell before he ever sees me again, the son of a bitch. I don't have kids, but if I did, they wouldn't see him. Let them DIE, ALONE. It's what they deserve. Unless ofcourse, they've made a sincere mea culpa. mh"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
burbleflyer 0 #12 January 12, 2004 This is not a flame. It is advice. I think its perhaps time to move on. You have been reading this book for YEARS. People in this world today are constantly looking for reasons/excuses why they are fucked up today. You are not responsible for your past but you are responsible for yourself today. Face it, get over it and move on. I suggest first you become your own person. As long as you continue to think and dwell what people did to you in your past you remain their victim and they win. Your board name says a lot about you. You are someone elses plaything not your own person. Change your board name tonite...to something like: "I am me and belong to no one." Seriously. Tomorrow, put that book away, and face the people who abused you. Tell them how you feel and what they did is wrong. Then let it go. Do not accept "I'm sorry" as an apology. Sorry is an action word and only their behavior will tell you if they are truly sorry. If not, let it go and move on. You are your own person. Take control of your life. As long as you dwell on those that abused you, you allow them to continue the abuse. Your feelings belong to you. You own them. No one can make you feel bad, that is your choice. If you choose to feel crappy or sorry for yourself, that is your choice. This is in NO WAY a flame on you. I mean everything here seriously as my advice to you to help you. Face it, deal with it, move on. Become your own person, you deserve it. PM me if you'd like to talk. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
slug 1 #13 January 12, 2004 Lany Interesting subject I wonder what the percentage of parents are abusive my gueess is it's huge. My brother and i were in a challenging situation while growing up, but we both left home ASAP really didn't have much of a choice. No regrets, never looked back, and started to prepare ourselves for the future. I guess we were fortunate that our abuse wasn't physical or sexual which I guess would be harder to put behind us. I haven't gone back in 38 years, no regrets, no hate, just count myself lucky that I survived Nam, went to college on uncle sams dime and don't have to deal with my parent ever again. My brother had children and he felt that he needed to reestablish contact with our parent for the sake of his kids, so they would know their Granny like a normal family. He was a hurting puppy for a long time because of the continued exposure during the holidays. He finally had enough and broke it off. After about 5 yr's of therapy his group suggested he confront his abuser and try and make amends because "she's your mom". To my surprise he took their advice and paid her a face to face visit. After about 5 minutes he realized that the belly of the beast hadn't changed and barely escaped with sanity and never went back. What causes parents to be abusive? Some were abused themselve's, were exposed to serious shit WW2, mental illness, substance abuse, ego? Don't know and don't care not my problem. My responsiabilty is to be a good human being, and provide for my family. As long as I can do that whats in the past is in the past. I won't let things that I have no control over bother me or waste my time. I'm not saying "just get over it" in the real world it isn't that easy there's no quick fix. But we each have to find out what works for us to deal with our past so we don't continue to be draged down by our past or repeat the mistakes that we experienced. People that haven't walked a mile in our shoes will never understand and I don't even try to explain. Just keep on truckin. R.I.P. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sheenster303 0 #14 January 12, 2004 QuoteHave you read the books by Dave Pelzer? "Lost Boy", "A Child Called It" (and I can't remember the third book). Absolutely a must read, about how Dave Pelzer dealt with and is dealing with being abused. The most compelling series of books I have ever read. Jan I have read the first two of those books and absolutely loved them! They were so vivid and totally makes you think. There were times I cried. The abuse that child had to endure was just sad and sickening. The third book is called A Man Named Dave, btw. I gotta buy that book and read it too.I'm so funny I crack my head open! P.M.S. #102 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hooked 0 #15 January 12, 2004 QuoteQuoteHave you read the books by Dave Pelzer? "Lost Boy", "A Child Called It" (and I can't remember the third book). Absolutely a must read, about how Dave Pelzer dealt with and is dealing with being abused. The most compelling series of books I have ever read. Jan I have read the first two of those books and absolutely loved them! They were so vivid and totally makes you think. There were times I cried. The abuse that child had to endure was just sad and sickening. The third book is called A Man Named Dave, btw. I gotta buy that book and read it too. Thank you for naming the third book. I just didn't want to go downstairs to look it up. It says he was working on a fourth book, but I have not found it yet. I must say, even with the subject matter, these were the BEST books I have ever read. I cannot even begin to realize what this child/man went through and managed to change his life around so he didn't pass on the behavior. Everyone should read these books. Jan -------------------------------------- Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VanillaSkyGirl 6 #16 January 12, 2004 QuoteI cannot even begin to realize what this child/man went through and managed to change his life around so he didn't pass on the behavior. THAT is the key to happiness. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites steve1 5 #17 January 12, 2004 Quote[ I agree that people need to stop blaming their past for their present and move on. reply] Looking at the past and feeling that hurt is an important part of therapy. I spent years trying to stuff the anger and hurt that I had inside and trying to forget the past and just move on. Believe me it doesn't work. I wish it was as simple as that. A vital part of recovery is looking at the past and letting those feelings out either in a counselors office or in group. Eventually you will want to go on and forgetting the past will be easier. I agree you can get stuck in this blaming phase, but it is still a vital part of therapy in my opinion. As far as confronting the person who abused you, this may or may not help. Don't be surprised if that parent is in total denial of their wrong doing.....Steve1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites steve1 5 #18 January 12, 2004 My stepfather will see hell before he ever sees me again, the son of a bitch. I don't have kids, but if I did, they wouldn't see him. Let them DIE, ALONE. It's what they deserve. Unless ofcourse, they've made a sincere mea culpa. ............................................................................ Mark, I feel the same way toward my father. If he even had the slightest amount of remorse, I'd forgive him, but he doesn't.....so the greater distance I can put between he and my family the better. He hasn't changed. He was trying to be abusive to my own wife and kids, most times he was around them, so I set boundaries with him, and in fact have nothing to do with him now. People say that parents try to do the best they can. But what if those parents made no effort at all? Do they deserve your unconditional forgiveness? I think not. Everyone in my immediate family feels a whole lot better since I severed all ties with him. I should have done it a long time ago.....Steve1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites sunshine 2 #19 January 12, 2004 QuoteHave you read the books by Dave Pelzer? "Lost Boy", "A Child Called It" (and I can't remember the third book). Absolutely a must read, about how Dave Pelzer dealt with and is dealing with being abused. The most compelling series of books I have ever read. Jan -------------------------------------------------------- I have read the first two of those books and absolutely loved them! They were so vivid and totally makes you think. There were times I cried. The abuse that child had to endure was just sad and sickening. Reading "A child called it" was heartbreaking. It blows my mind what people will do to a child. Since i work in a social service agency, i see and hear first hand what happens to kids. After a while it just gets so overwhelming and i wonder why these people even have kids... My childhood wasn't great either, and i still have trouble sleeping through the night because of some bad memories, but i'm not really comfortable talking about my issues on a public forum. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites MyOwnWay 0 #20 January 12, 2004 I have read three of Dave Pelzer's books (A child called "IT", the lost boy, and a man named dave). I just found out he has a fourth one out. Reading his books really opened up my eyes, many times i caught myself crying when reading his words. My heart goes out to him and any other person who had to go through or is going through abuse, whether it be from parents, siblings, lovers, etc. His situation made me realize that i had it pretty good compared to the shit my mother put me through._________________________________________ all good things are wild and free - Henry David Thoreau Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites hooked 0 #21 January 12, 2004 Quote People say that parents try to do the best they can. But what if those parents made no effort at all? Reading all these posts...........makes one stop and think and reading this line really struck home for me. Even though I wasn't abused, my parents divorced when I was quite small. My Dad got custody of 4 girls! My Mother did not even try to see us or contact us until she had remarried and her daughter was 16! I hate to say it, but by then it was too late to have any maternal feelings for her. Yes, she was my mother, but.........the feelings weren't there. She casually kept in contact after that but mainly for her children to know us. J -------------------------------------- Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites MissMae 0 #22 January 12, 2004 I didn't think I'd want to post on this thread about anything, but what the hell...I definitely won't go into any specific details. One of my parents was both verbally and physically abusive, and I think that is part of my reasoning for deciding to not have children. I don't want to even have the slightest chance that I'd do that. I know how I felt growing up and I wouldn't want a child to feel the same way. Granted I know that if you don't want to do something you wont, but if anyone was verbally abusive to a child (especially my own), I would just not handle it well. I just don't quite understand. I know parents lose their tempers, but kids to me are just little people, looking to their parents for guidance and love. Someone once told me that "you don't hit your friends or your animals, so what would make your kids any different". Dont those people who have had any sort of abuse wish their parents knew that? I haven't really gotten any sort of apology from my parental figure, but then again I don't expect one. But we have a somewhat normal parent daughter relationship now. It finally stopped when I was 17 and they raised a closed fist to me and I grabbed them and told them not to touch me ever again. I guess it worked. I always used to care what my parents thought and would hide tattoos, etc.. Now I figue, WTF, it is my body and I can do with it what I want. So it took me quite a while to figure out that I was my own person. Although I didn't love me then, and now I do, I think that is a major step. take the time to appreciate the people around you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites TitaniumLegs 8 #23 January 12, 2004 What does it say about people who think they were abused but really weren't? No, I'm not talking about myself. (>o|-< If you don't believe me, ask me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites hooked 0 #24 January 13, 2004 QuoteI have read three of Dave Pelzer's books (A child called "IT", the lost boy, and a man named dave). I just found out he has a fourth one out. Reading his books really opened up my eyes, many times i caught myself crying when reading his words. My heart goes out to him and any other person who had to go through or is going through abuse, whether it be from parents, siblings, lovers, etc. His situation made me realize that i had it pretty good compared to the shit my mother put me through. The title of his fourth book is "Help Yourself". I have not read that one. However, he has a new one out that I just got today titled, "The Privilege of Youth"--a teenager's story of longing for acceptance and friendship. I can't wait to read it. I will have to look for his fourth book though. J -------------------------------------- Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Darius11 12 #25 January 13, 2004 Just a Book not about abuse but just life. I think it is the best book i have ever read and helped me a lot. The book is called The Power of Now.I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 Next Page 1 of 2 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. 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steve1 5 #17 January 12, 2004 Quote[ I agree that people need to stop blaming their past for their present and move on. reply] Looking at the past and feeling that hurt is an important part of therapy. I spent years trying to stuff the anger and hurt that I had inside and trying to forget the past and just move on. Believe me it doesn't work. I wish it was as simple as that. A vital part of recovery is looking at the past and letting those feelings out either in a counselors office or in group. Eventually you will want to go on and forgetting the past will be easier. I agree you can get stuck in this blaming phase, but it is still a vital part of therapy in my opinion. As far as confronting the person who abused you, this may or may not help. Don't be surprised if that parent is in total denial of their wrong doing.....Steve1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites steve1 5 #18 January 12, 2004 My stepfather will see hell before he ever sees me again, the son of a bitch. I don't have kids, but if I did, they wouldn't see him. Let them DIE, ALONE. It's what they deserve. Unless ofcourse, they've made a sincere mea culpa. ............................................................................ Mark, I feel the same way toward my father. If he even had the slightest amount of remorse, I'd forgive him, but he doesn't.....so the greater distance I can put between he and my family the better. He hasn't changed. He was trying to be abusive to my own wife and kids, most times he was around them, so I set boundaries with him, and in fact have nothing to do with him now. People say that parents try to do the best they can. But what if those parents made no effort at all? Do they deserve your unconditional forgiveness? I think not. Everyone in my immediate family feels a whole lot better since I severed all ties with him. I should have done it a long time ago.....Steve1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites sunshine 2 #19 January 12, 2004 QuoteHave you read the books by Dave Pelzer? "Lost Boy", "A Child Called It" (and I can't remember the third book). Absolutely a must read, about how Dave Pelzer dealt with and is dealing with being abused. The most compelling series of books I have ever read. Jan -------------------------------------------------------- I have read the first two of those books and absolutely loved them! They were so vivid and totally makes you think. There were times I cried. The abuse that child had to endure was just sad and sickening. Reading "A child called it" was heartbreaking. It blows my mind what people will do to a child. Since i work in a social service agency, i see and hear first hand what happens to kids. After a while it just gets so overwhelming and i wonder why these people even have kids... My childhood wasn't great either, and i still have trouble sleeping through the night because of some bad memories, but i'm not really comfortable talking about my issues on a public forum. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites MyOwnWay 0 #20 January 12, 2004 I have read three of Dave Pelzer's books (A child called "IT", the lost boy, and a man named dave). I just found out he has a fourth one out. Reading his books really opened up my eyes, many times i caught myself crying when reading his words. My heart goes out to him and any other person who had to go through or is going through abuse, whether it be from parents, siblings, lovers, etc. His situation made me realize that i had it pretty good compared to the shit my mother put me through._________________________________________ all good things are wild and free - Henry David Thoreau Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites hooked 0 #21 January 12, 2004 Quote People say that parents try to do the best they can. But what if those parents made no effort at all? Reading all these posts...........makes one stop and think and reading this line really struck home for me. Even though I wasn't abused, my parents divorced when I was quite small. My Dad got custody of 4 girls! My Mother did not even try to see us or contact us until she had remarried and her daughter was 16! I hate to say it, but by then it was too late to have any maternal feelings for her. Yes, she was my mother, but.........the feelings weren't there. She casually kept in contact after that but mainly for her children to know us. J -------------------------------------- Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites MissMae 0 #22 January 12, 2004 I didn't think I'd want to post on this thread about anything, but what the hell...I definitely won't go into any specific details. One of my parents was both verbally and physically abusive, and I think that is part of my reasoning for deciding to not have children. I don't want to even have the slightest chance that I'd do that. I know how I felt growing up and I wouldn't want a child to feel the same way. Granted I know that if you don't want to do something you wont, but if anyone was verbally abusive to a child (especially my own), I would just not handle it well. I just don't quite understand. I know parents lose their tempers, but kids to me are just little people, looking to their parents for guidance and love. Someone once told me that "you don't hit your friends or your animals, so what would make your kids any different". Dont those people who have had any sort of abuse wish their parents knew that? I haven't really gotten any sort of apology from my parental figure, but then again I don't expect one. But we have a somewhat normal parent daughter relationship now. It finally stopped when I was 17 and they raised a closed fist to me and I grabbed them and told them not to touch me ever again. I guess it worked. I always used to care what my parents thought and would hide tattoos, etc.. Now I figue, WTF, it is my body and I can do with it what I want. So it took me quite a while to figure out that I was my own person. Although I didn't love me then, and now I do, I think that is a major step. take the time to appreciate the people around you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites TitaniumLegs 8 #23 January 12, 2004 What does it say about people who think they were abused but really weren't? No, I'm not talking about myself. (>o|-< If you don't believe me, ask me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites hooked 0 #24 January 13, 2004 QuoteI have read three of Dave Pelzer's books (A child called "IT", the lost boy, and a man named dave). I just found out he has a fourth one out. Reading his books really opened up my eyes, many times i caught myself crying when reading his words. My heart goes out to him and any other person who had to go through or is going through abuse, whether it be from parents, siblings, lovers, etc. His situation made me realize that i had it pretty good compared to the shit my mother put me through. The title of his fourth book is "Help Yourself". I have not read that one. However, he has a new one out that I just got today titled, "The Privilege of Youth"--a teenager's story of longing for acceptance and friendship. I can't wait to read it. I will have to look for his fourth book though. J -------------------------------------- Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Darius11 12 #25 January 13, 2004 Just a Book not about abuse but just life. I think it is the best book i have ever read and helped me a lot. The book is called The Power of Now.I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 Next Page 1 of 2 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
steve1 5 #18 January 12, 2004 My stepfather will see hell before he ever sees me again, the son of a bitch. I don't have kids, but if I did, they wouldn't see him. Let them DIE, ALONE. It's what they deserve. Unless ofcourse, they've made a sincere mea culpa. ............................................................................ Mark, I feel the same way toward my father. If he even had the slightest amount of remorse, I'd forgive him, but he doesn't.....so the greater distance I can put between he and my family the better. He hasn't changed. He was trying to be abusive to my own wife and kids, most times he was around them, so I set boundaries with him, and in fact have nothing to do with him now. People say that parents try to do the best they can. But what if those parents made no effort at all? Do they deserve your unconditional forgiveness? I think not. Everyone in my immediate family feels a whole lot better since I severed all ties with him. I should have done it a long time ago.....Steve1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #19 January 12, 2004 QuoteHave you read the books by Dave Pelzer? "Lost Boy", "A Child Called It" (and I can't remember the third book). Absolutely a must read, about how Dave Pelzer dealt with and is dealing with being abused. The most compelling series of books I have ever read. Jan -------------------------------------------------------- I have read the first two of those books and absolutely loved them! They were so vivid and totally makes you think. There were times I cried. The abuse that child had to endure was just sad and sickening. Reading "A child called it" was heartbreaking. It blows my mind what people will do to a child. Since i work in a social service agency, i see and hear first hand what happens to kids. After a while it just gets so overwhelming and i wonder why these people even have kids... My childhood wasn't great either, and i still have trouble sleeping through the night because of some bad memories, but i'm not really comfortable talking about my issues on a public forum. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MyOwnWay 0 #20 January 12, 2004 I have read three of Dave Pelzer's books (A child called "IT", the lost boy, and a man named dave). I just found out he has a fourth one out. Reading his books really opened up my eyes, many times i caught myself crying when reading his words. My heart goes out to him and any other person who had to go through or is going through abuse, whether it be from parents, siblings, lovers, etc. His situation made me realize that i had it pretty good compared to the shit my mother put me through._________________________________________ all good things are wild and free - Henry David Thoreau Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hooked 0 #21 January 12, 2004 Quote People say that parents try to do the best they can. But what if those parents made no effort at all? Reading all these posts...........makes one stop and think and reading this line really struck home for me. Even though I wasn't abused, my parents divorced when I was quite small. My Dad got custody of 4 girls! My Mother did not even try to see us or contact us until she had remarried and her daughter was 16! I hate to say it, but by then it was too late to have any maternal feelings for her. Yes, she was my mother, but.........the feelings weren't there. She casually kept in contact after that but mainly for her children to know us. J -------------------------------------- Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MissMae 0 #22 January 12, 2004 I didn't think I'd want to post on this thread about anything, but what the hell...I definitely won't go into any specific details. One of my parents was both verbally and physically abusive, and I think that is part of my reasoning for deciding to not have children. I don't want to even have the slightest chance that I'd do that. I know how I felt growing up and I wouldn't want a child to feel the same way. Granted I know that if you don't want to do something you wont, but if anyone was verbally abusive to a child (especially my own), I would just not handle it well. I just don't quite understand. I know parents lose their tempers, but kids to me are just little people, looking to their parents for guidance and love. Someone once told me that "you don't hit your friends or your animals, so what would make your kids any different". Dont those people who have had any sort of abuse wish their parents knew that? I haven't really gotten any sort of apology from my parental figure, but then again I don't expect one. But we have a somewhat normal parent daughter relationship now. It finally stopped when I was 17 and they raised a closed fist to me and I grabbed them and told them not to touch me ever again. I guess it worked. I always used to care what my parents thought and would hide tattoos, etc.. Now I figue, WTF, it is my body and I can do with it what I want. So it took me quite a while to figure out that I was my own person. Although I didn't love me then, and now I do, I think that is a major step. take the time to appreciate the people around you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TitaniumLegs 8 #23 January 12, 2004 What does it say about people who think they were abused but really weren't? No, I'm not talking about myself. (>o|-< If you don't believe me, ask me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hooked 0 #24 January 13, 2004 QuoteI have read three of Dave Pelzer's books (A child called "IT", the lost boy, and a man named dave). I just found out he has a fourth one out. Reading his books really opened up my eyes, many times i caught myself crying when reading his words. My heart goes out to him and any other person who had to go through or is going through abuse, whether it be from parents, siblings, lovers, etc. His situation made me realize that i had it pretty good compared to the shit my mother put me through. The title of his fourth book is "Help Yourself". I have not read that one. However, he has a new one out that I just got today titled, "The Privilege of Youth"--a teenager's story of longing for acceptance and friendship. I can't wait to read it. I will have to look for his fourth book though. J -------------------------------------- Sometimes we're just being Humans.....But we're always Human Beings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Darius11 12 #25 January 13, 2004 Just a Book not about abuse but just life. I think it is the best book i have ever read and helped me a lot. The book is called The Power of Now.I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
