"Celebration of Life"

[FallinWoman 1]

Instead of a funeral or a service for my father, we are having a celebration of life, as per his wishes.

We are inviting people to my mom's house to have a beer in honor of my deceased father.

Have any of you attended such events? Did they seem ok? What did you like or dislike about such an event? We still have over a week to plan it, so I would love to hear any advice you have for us as we plan such an event.

Thanks!

~Anne

I'm a Doll!!!!

[slotperfect 7]

My father died in September. He left us very specific instructions as to how he would like to be remembered. It actually made things very easy for my Mom and I.

Dad knew the Lord, but did not want a funeral. He wanted us to have a party. So, we rented a beautiful private dining room at a local inn, invited all of his family and friends, and called it exactly that: a celebration of life.

We had two easels full of pictures, from when he was a baby to recent ones (he was two weeks from his 80th birthday). My four siblings and I read some poetry, some of which Dad wanted read, and a dear family friend who is a Pastor "officiated." We also allowed anyone else who wanted to say a few words to do so. That was a great comfort to me and my brothers & sisters.

The next day the family took his ashes to the summit of his favorite mountain and his earthly body became part of the Blue Ridge Mountain winds.

Having friends, family, or "extended family" (of which there were many) together to tell stories and laugh about life was one of Dad's favorite things to do. He didn't like formal settings, although he navigated them very well. It was a perfect way to tell him goodbye, and I would not change a thing.

I'm happy to PM you my phone number if you want to talk more about it.

Arrive Safely

John

[VanillaSkyGirl 6]

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Instead of a funeral or a service for my father, we are having a celebration of life, as per his wishes.

We are inviting people to my mom's house to have a beer in honor of my deceased father.

Yes, when my best friend died suddenly and unexpectedly, several years ago, we had a "celebration of life". It would have been wrong to not "celebrate" and not to remember her as she was when she was alive. Also, she and her family is Vietnamese (Buddhist...though I never knew her to practice it strongly), so they do have the custom of "celebrating life" when someone passes. It is a very beautiful tradition.

In keeping with the custom, loved ones gather every certain amount of days following one's death, until it becomes a tradition, every year always on the day that the person passes to celebrate the life that was once had and in memory/honor of that person. For my friend's gathering's, we always would eat wonderful dinners, tell stories, toast her life. We also had pictures of her everywhere, and at one of the early gatherings, the family put together a little film of her with her loved ones and pictures of her travels. For a young person, she was well-traveled (her father a pilot) and had done many things. I have even made some lifelong friends with people who I had never met before her "celebration of life". I think that this is a way in which you can really eventually make peace with a loved one's passing.

One thing that may be difficult for you, as it was for me, is that it will be quite melancholy and will be very difficult to smile at this event. I have to admit that I had a really hard time not feeling like my heart had been torn out, immediately after my best friend passed. I would definitely think about maybe gathering together a second time with a few loved ones in your father's honor after the initial sting of the passing has subsided even more...maybe even in a month. It's different for everyone, though.

In my opinion, a "celebration of you father's life" would be the most wonderful kind of "going away" for your father. Remember him as he was before he fell ill. Try to remember all the happy times.

I hope that it goes well, and I'm sure that your father is proud of you for doing this. It's a very loving way to remember him and cherish him forever in your heart. I wish you peace, Anne.

[kbordson 8]

Anne

I am horribly sorry for the pain of your family right now. I think the celebration of life party is a beautiful idea.
We had a funereal when my father died... sad and somber, in a funeral home, impersonal and lonely.... The celebrations of life that I've been to have been a bit less devistating to attend.... Although part of the difference could have been that the funeral was my fathers and that in and of itself was the difference...
But, I feel that you need to do what most brings honor to his past and his desires.... I think the opinions of others others about how you celebrate his life should be secondary (or even further down on the list).
Again, sorry for your loss.

[Michele 1]

Anne, I've attended several Celebrations. There was one I really "enjoyed."

What I liked most was that it really was a celebration. Pictures of the him at all ages were all over, with little short paragraph stories about the photo or about his life. They were hung all over the home, on doors, windows, hallways, tables...the whole place had a photo with a story.

We were also encouraged to write a memory down, on paper provided, and they were hung up as well. Some people wrote letters to him, instead of a memory, and those were hung, too. His favorite food (Chinese) was catered, and there was Big Band music playing - his favorite music.

There was no "ceremony" per se. People were asked to say something if they wanted, but there weren't many who did want to. A prayer was said for him, and then we all toasted with a glass of Scotch, his favorite liquor. We laughed and cried, but we celebrated him most fully.

Hugs to you-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[freeflir29 0]

When I die I want a Kegger........and a Champaigne Room with unrealistically hot strippers.



Sorry for your loss sweetheart. My Dad is 71 now. The fool fell off a ladder 2 weeks ago! Driving me NUTS!

[FallinWoman 1]

Michele....
This is what I was looking for...we are already pulling pictures from each part of his life and planning to mount them on little cards with a brief description for those who do not recognize the picture. We want those all over the house. We are planning to have several places where people can jot down the outline of their favorite "Lew" story....and there are lots.

This was a man who the first time the ST. Louis Rams went to the superbowl, he got all dressed up in rams gear from head to toe, and then put two little blue and yellow footballs around his crotch with blue and yellow curling ribbon....he looked ricidulous but totally my dad!!!!

This is the man who went to the neighborhood Christmas party with a red string wig with little ornaments attached to it. Crazy, but totally my dad!


I appreciate everyon'e's input on how to best celebrate his life. He left vague instructions....just celebrate and drink beer. I like the idea of playing some of his favorite music, especially since he liked Souza marches...it is hard to feel too somber when those are playing!

Thanks all!
Anne

[Nightingale 0]

Photo albums on every table. People will look through them, see your dad and maybe themselves, and it'll start "remember when Lew and I..." stories.

Blank memory books next to the photo albums (with plenty of pens) might encourage people to write their stories down.

If you can find someone to put together a video of important occasions or fun memories, showing that could be a good way to get things started.

My family has always included plenty of good alcohol, good food with everyone bringing something to share, and upbeat (but not overpowering or distracting) music, but then again, we're Irish, so we've kinda americanized the wake custom.

[Michele 1]

Anne, sounds like you're celebrating according to plan. Just remember: while it's tough, it's also an amazing event, and should be enjoyed. Don't be afraid to laugh and smile...it's what your Dad would want.

Hugs to you.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[skymedic 0]

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My family has always included plenty of good alcohol,

Trust me...we got that covered...Lew had some great connections with this fine cities largest brewer(well the countries largest brewer i guess)
Lew had an impact on some pretty important people in this town.

it's going to be a great time...although that sounds odd...I just think it will be.

Lew was a great guy...shame I only knew him when he was on the down slide.

Marc
otherwise known as Mr.Fallinwoman....

[Michele 1]

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it's going to be a great time...although that sounds odd...I just think it will be.

No, it doesn't sound odd. It sounds like what Lew wanted. A great time. And that's what is great about this...to be able to celebrate - truly celebrate! - someone's life is a gift for the living, and there should be no shame nor guilt attached to that whatsoever.

Celebrate, laugh, enjoy, and love.

Ciels-
Michele

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[VanillaSkyGirl 6]

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Celebrate, laugh, enjoy, and love.

I COMPLETELY agree. Please don't be worried about showing happiness, smiles, even laughter because Lew would have wanted you to remember him that way.

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[kbordson 8]

Another thing to consider is to ask friends/guests to bring or make copies of the favorite pictures of him that they might have. Then create a collage in memory on the day of the celebration- it could be a progressive informal gathering of pictures or you could make it into part of the ceremony... and then people could either talk about (write about) why that picture reminded them him or what happened during that picture that they will remember.

[FallinWoman 1]

For those of you who are interested.....

The celebration of life for my father was amazing. there were probably just over 150 people who came...over the course of four hours. August Busch had donated 30 cases of beer, so we have a little left...

anyway...people came, had a drink, gave hugs, and told stories about my dad. and there were plenty to tell. he was always a bit crazy and fun...so there were a lot of people who really loved him.

i saw one of his law partners cry. a strong man from whom i had never seen any emotion.

i listened to a high school buddy of my dad tell stories on him that dad would NEVER had told me...

there was laughter, and tears, and a lot of wonderful memories. we put out a lot of pics and several albums full of more pics. there was a place for people to share a story or two...some e-mailed in advance, some written while they were there...

Dad's secratary described how he taught her to heat up a grilled cheese sandwich for his lunch. The first time she was not allowed to do it...only to watch. She was to put the sandwich up on the edge of the plate so air could circulate all around it. She was to heat it 11 seconds on the first side and nine on the second. He usually quizzed her when she delivered it to his office to make sure she was following his instructions.

THAT was my dad.

It was a beautiful, happy, sad, joyful, tearful night.

Perfect.

Thanks to all of you who sent me thoughts, prayers, messages, etc. during all of this. I really do appreciate it.

~Anne

I'm a Doll!!!!

[Michele 1]

Anne, it sounds absolutely wonderful and perfect. What a great thing. Sure there were tears - why wouldn't there be? - but it was also a time to remember your father. To share him as you knew him, and to see him as others saw him.

And I bet his secretary has never heated a melted cheese sandwich differently.

Well done. And hugs.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~