Top seven idiots of 2004

[BillyVance 35]

Idiot Number Seven of 2004

Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order.

When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. Sign please.



Idiot Number Six of 2004

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So, he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign.



Idiot Number Five of 2004

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't need a sign; he probably figured it out himself.



Number Four Idiot of 2004

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign!



Number Three Idiot of 2004

A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote, "this is a stickup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK," and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.



Number Two Idiot of 2004

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747's. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.



AND NOW.... (drum roll, please): the



Number One Idiot of 2004

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away. Here's your sign, lady. Wear it, along with the label from your antidote. Please note that all of the above people are (or were) legally allowed to both reproduce and vote. Scary, isn't it?

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[jonstark 8]

Thanks for the chuckle Jeff, er I mean Billy.

[AggieDave 6]

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Thanks for the chuckle Jeff, er I mean Billy.

And the comedian's name is Bill...here's your sign.




(Sorry, it is easy to confuse them, they tour together and have been touring together for atleast the past 5 years or so...I just couldn't pass it up).

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[Avion 0]

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Idiot Number Seven of 2004 *

Idiot Number Six of 2004 *** Would love to see the tape. This is the most funny to me.

Idiot Number Five of 2004 ***** Would love to see this tape too.

Number Four Idiot of 2004 ****

Number Three Idiot of 2004 ***

Number Two Idiot of 2004 ***

AND NOW.... (drum roll, please): the

Number One Idiot of 2004 *** This lady is too stupid to even be funny.

[soulshine 0]

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she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.

But..but..but...you mean that you're not supposed to do this?!

Damn...give her a break. She was trying to kill the ants!

Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity!
~DEVIOUS BEEF~~FGF #69~

[happythoughts 0]

Oh... this is totally different. I thought this thread was about tequila or golf carts. Never mind.

[TheAnvil 0]

Yeah. I wasn't even nominated.

Vinny the Anvil
Post Traumatic Didn't Make The Lakers Syndrome is REAL
JACKASS POWER!!!!!!

[happythoughts 0]

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Yeah. I wasn't even nominated.

Odd... they used a very unbiased panel of ex-NBA scouts to do the selections.

[TheAnvil 0]

Bwaaaahahahahahaaaaaaa


hahahahahahahahahahahaaaa!

damned NBA. They don't even return my phone calls and have blocked my number at the Magic's employment office.

Vinny the Anvil
Post Traumatic Didn't Make The Lakers Syndrome is REAL
JACKASS POWER!!!!!!

[happythoughts 0]

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damned NBA. They don't even return my phone calls and have blocked my number at the Magic's employment office.

Like you care... you are an Official Skydiving Record holder. Why would you want to play a gay sport like basketball anyway? They slapped each other on the butt enough to earn my suspicion.