kelel01 1 #26 January 19, 2005 OMG! Somebody smack me for overlooking the "substance abuse" portion of the meetings. It's your call GFD. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GeeeeeeFly 0 #27 January 19, 2005 Quote(calling no more than twice with no response, etc.)*** Isn't that just common courtesy? If someone calls you should call back... So I don't believe your reasoning is out of whack here. If he is too busy or gives an excuse where his actions are speaking louder than his words... He sucks... ~G~ "The edge ... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who know where it is are those that have gone over" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites CanuckInUSA 0 #28 January 19, 2005 Give me your # and I'll call you. Except you'll likely thing of me as a stalker rather than something else. Try not to worry about the things you have no control over Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites kelel01 1 #29 January 19, 2005 Just don't call more than twice with no return phone call. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mnealtx 0 #30 January 19, 2005 QuoteOMG! Somebody smack me for overlooking the "substance abuse" portion of the meetings. It's your call GFD. A sus ordenes..... *SMACK*Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mx757 4 #31 January 19, 2005 QuoteDamn girl you and I have a lot in common right now. I don't call guys. If a guy's interested he'll call me. My phone doesn't ring very often.. that's because you never gave me your phone number.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites NWFlyer 2 #32 January 19, 2005 QuoteFirst one: Do you play "the game" (calling no more than twice with no response, etc.)? If not, are you aware that you might come off as stalker-ish, insecure, and crazy? I don't consider it a game. If I've called twice (or otherwise contacted, say, e-mail) and left the expectation of a response and I don't hear back, I'll assume lack of interest (or lack of prioritizing me) and back off. To me it's a matter of valuing your time - I've got better things to do with my time than spend it with people who don't value my time. QuoteSecond: Am I getting too smart (jaded, untrusting) for my own good? I tend to always think "He's just not that into you" if he doesn't call you back and says, "Oh, I was too busy". I just dismiss it and say, well, fuck, I guess that's over. To me, there's seldom such a thing as "too busy", but I was recently vehemently chastised for doing that (which REALLY pissed me off, btw). I think it's a two-way street and both parties have to make an effort for it to work. In my friendships, sometimes it's 80% me and 20% the other person, but a lot of times, the tables are turned and in the grand scheme of things, we're probably both putting in a reasonable balance of effort. But if "too busy" is a chronic excuse, then you know where you rank in that person's list of priorities, and you have to decide if you're okay with being at that point on their priority list or not. QuoteThird: When people say, "You have to be open to love", are they saying you have to be blind and stupid and put it all on the line? Because, sorry, I'm not willing to, not right off the bat, anyway. My theory is if it's meant to happen it'll happen. You have to keep your eyes open and put yourself out there and take some risks and express your feelings. So, sitting at home all the time waiting for people to show up at your door and express their love isn't productive but neither is trying to force something that just isn't right because someone told you had to be "open to love." My two cents. Of course, I'm single and haven't had anything other than a bunch of "meh" first dates in a while, so what do I know?"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skydiver30960 0 #33 January 19, 2005 QuoteThat means you have to date the funny smelling, dorky bagboy from the grocery store cause he might actually be the one. Awrigt! That means I might still have a chance! Elvisio "paper or plastic" Rodriguez Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites tigra 0 #34 January 19, 2005 QuoteQuoteThird: When people say, "You have to be open to love", are they saying you have to be blind and stupid and put it all on the line? Because, sorry, I'm not willing to, not right off the bat, anyway. That means you have to date the funny smelling, dorky bagboy from the grocery store cause he might actually be the one. You need to be pathetic and ask out any guy with a pulse cause lets face it, you aint getting any younger and you don't wanna be one of those old cat ladies. You need to only care about pleasing the man cause he is the god of the household. Did that help? Kel's not the only one with issues! But I do feel your pain! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Thanatos340 1 #35 January 19, 2005 Generally it takes at least Two People to play a "Game". I think you should always completely straight forward. If someone does not respond in kind, then they are not worth your time. "Rules" such only call twice or wait 3 days after you meet them to call or other is such bullshit. Do what you feel is right. It will either work or it won’t. Don’t second guess yourself, If you are not sure where you stand, ASK. If you don’t get a straight answer. Move on. Do not look at any relationship as always and forever or happily ever after. That is a fairy tale that does not exist. So many people try to hard to find the One Special person and are missing out on some great experiences along the way. As for the “stalker-ish, insecure, and crazy” worries, we all have to deal with those issues and insecurities. I know I generally try to avoid sending any female a PM because I am worried that she will get the wrong idea and think I am either hitting on them or stalking them (Whether I am or not ). If you really like someone, Make sure they Know how you feel (And NO!! nothing is obvious to men, You have to spell it out for us, in very simple small words). the keys to being attractive to the opposite (or same even) sex: Confident Secure Honest Once you have those things down, everything else generally falls into place. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Samurai136 0 #36 January 19, 2005 QuoteJust don't call more than twice with no return phone call. So, uh, what happens if 'the one' calls twice and gets no response because you really were 'too busy' or were not in the moment to be open for love? That would suck. Ken"Buttons aren't toys." - Trillian Ken Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites RkyMtnHigh 0 #37 January 19, 2005 I'm certainly not the person to give any advice in this arena..however I think if you overanalyze the situation or try to be psychic about the other person and their intentions, etc..you'll only frustrate yourself. Be yourself, be honest and openly communicate. If you're wondering something..just ask the person. Then you should know where you stand at all times. _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites lawrocket 3 #38 January 19, 2005 QuoteFirst one: Do you play "the game" (calling no more than twice with no response, etc.)? If not, are you aware that you might come off as stalker-ish, insecure, and crazy? No, I don't play the game. I always dated older women, who are usually past the game-playing BS. QuoteSecond: Am I getting too smart (jaded, untrusting) for my own good? I tend to always think "He's just not that into you" if he doesn't call you back and says, "Oh, I was too busy". I just dismiss it and say, well, fuck, I guess that's over. To me, there's seldom such a thing as "too busy", but I was recently vehemently chastised for doing that (which REALLY pissed me off, btw The Barenaked Ladies did a song called Jane. One of the parts of the lyrics said: "Jane, I'm divided, but I can't decide what side I'm on. Jane decided only cowards stay while cheaters run." I've known many Jane's in my life. With them I always stayed "Just friends." There is often a "too busy." But, when the one finds you, there is rarely such thing. QuoteThird: When people say, "You have to be open to love", are they saying you have to be blind and stupid and put it all on the line? Because, sorry, I'm not willing to, not right off the bat, anyway. Well, then, you will never know the great ups and down. I had my heart torn out and stomped flat once. But it doesn't mean I'm going through life looking over my shoulder to protect myself. Walls can be too thick for anything to get through. For those, they typically age with a number of cats. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites sunshine 2 #39 January 19, 2005 And when the guy tells you he just wants to be fuck buddies until he finds a girl he wants to commit to...well hell, if you know what to do in that situation, please let me know. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites kelel01 1 #40 January 19, 2005 Yes, but when you ask, you get chastised. No good, no good. But I guess that's the risk you have to take. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mnealtx 0 #41 January 19, 2005 QuoteAnd when the guy tells you he just wants to be fuck buddies until he finds a girl he wants to commit to...well hell, if you know what to do in that situation, please let me know. Depends on what YOU'RE looking for.... relationship or fun? Figure that out and act accordingly would be my advice. Best of luck to you...Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites RkyMtnHigh 0 #42 January 19, 2005 QuoteYes, but when you ask, you get chastised. No good, no good. But I guess that's the risk you have to take. When you try to validate where you stand with the person..and you get "chastized"?..If they won't be honest and upfront, kick 'em to the curb, Kel! You are worth much more than that. Don't ever settle..or feel like you should avoid open communication..if that's not okay with them..they must be hiding something right? Good to know early on, than to be lead on or find out the redflags and lies after your heart is invested..just my 2 cents. AND Sunshine: if someone openly says they only wanna f*** buddy til something better comes along...#1, if that's all you want, then go for it; but #2, if you had hopes for more ATLEAST YOU KNOW their intentions and aren't being lead on. Tell them "hey thanks for clarifying that for me..nice to know" and you can chose to kick 'im to the curb and NEXT PLEEZ! or not. _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites champu 1 #43 January 19, 2005 Quotethat's because you never gave me your phone number.... ...she only gave you her situation. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites kelel01 1 #44 January 19, 2005 This thread has really helped me get over this shit. It's such a non-issue anyway, honestly. People have just put too many ideas in my head: my male former roommates told me every nice thing guys said was a line; those people put out that book "He's Just Not That Into You" etc. (I had another example, but I got interrupted and forgot what it was). Seriously, give me two days and I'll forget all about this. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites TheBachelor 5 #45 January 19, 2005 After meeting someone, or going on a date, I'll rarely call a woman more than twice without a response. I don't believe that someone is "too busy" to at least return my call. If someone is really interested, she will find the minute or two to return the call. The tough part is when you do get ahold of someone, and they say they're too busy to get together right now. Do I call back in a week? A month? Are they telling the truth? I finally ended up telling them that if they wanted to get together in the future to give me a call. If they did, then I knew they were truly interested. I didn't stay at home waiting for the phone to ring, though.There are battered women? I've been eating 'em plain all of these years... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mnealtx 0 #46 January 19, 2005 This is good stuff for me, as I (eventually) re-enter the dating world.... Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites BBKid 0 #47 January 19, 2005 Either Kelly only goes out with guys waaaaaay better looking than me (not difficult ), or all the guys she goes out with are what we in this country lovingly call "dickheads"! Hell, she could connect my bathwater up to a car battery and I'd probably still call her afterwards. That's assuming the restraining order doesn't cover phone calls though... Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Remster 30 #48 January 19, 2005 QuoteHell, she could connect my bathwater up to a car battery She told ya about what she likes for forplay didnt she? Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites sunshine 2 #49 January 19, 2005 QuoteAND Sunshine: if someone openly says they only wanna f*** buddy til something better comes along...#1, if that's all you want, then go for it; but #2, if you had hopes for more ATLEAST YOU KNOW their intentions and aren't being lead on. Tell them "hey thanks for clarifying that for me..nice to know" and you can chose to kick 'im to the curb and NEXT PLEEZ! or not. QuoteDepends on what YOU'RE looking for.... relationship or fun? Figure that out and act accordingly would be my advice. Best of luck to you... I'm stupid. I thought he liked me. Oh well, i should be used to this shit by now i guess. No more dating for sunny. I'm done!! ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mnealtx 0 #50 January 19, 2005 No, you're not stupid... yes, you got misled. And I promise you not ALL guys are assholes...honest!Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 Next Page 2 of 3 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
CanuckInUSA 0 #28 January 19, 2005 Give me your # and I'll call you. Except you'll likely thing of me as a stalker rather than something else. Try not to worry about the things you have no control over Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kelel01 1 #29 January 19, 2005 Just don't call more than twice with no return phone call. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #30 January 19, 2005 QuoteOMG! Somebody smack me for overlooking the "substance abuse" portion of the meetings. It's your call GFD. A sus ordenes..... *SMACK*Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mx757 4 #31 January 19, 2005 QuoteDamn girl you and I have a lot in common right now. I don't call guys. If a guy's interested he'll call me. My phone doesn't ring very often.. that's because you never gave me your phone number.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #32 January 19, 2005 QuoteFirst one: Do you play "the game" (calling no more than twice with no response, etc.)? If not, are you aware that you might come off as stalker-ish, insecure, and crazy? I don't consider it a game. If I've called twice (or otherwise contacted, say, e-mail) and left the expectation of a response and I don't hear back, I'll assume lack of interest (or lack of prioritizing me) and back off. To me it's a matter of valuing your time - I've got better things to do with my time than spend it with people who don't value my time. QuoteSecond: Am I getting too smart (jaded, untrusting) for my own good? I tend to always think "He's just not that into you" if he doesn't call you back and says, "Oh, I was too busy". I just dismiss it and say, well, fuck, I guess that's over. To me, there's seldom such a thing as "too busy", but I was recently vehemently chastised for doing that (which REALLY pissed me off, btw). I think it's a two-way street and both parties have to make an effort for it to work. In my friendships, sometimes it's 80% me and 20% the other person, but a lot of times, the tables are turned and in the grand scheme of things, we're probably both putting in a reasonable balance of effort. But if "too busy" is a chronic excuse, then you know where you rank in that person's list of priorities, and you have to decide if you're okay with being at that point on their priority list or not. QuoteThird: When people say, "You have to be open to love", are they saying you have to be blind and stupid and put it all on the line? Because, sorry, I'm not willing to, not right off the bat, anyway. My theory is if it's meant to happen it'll happen. You have to keep your eyes open and put yourself out there and take some risks and express your feelings. So, sitting at home all the time waiting for people to show up at your door and express their love isn't productive but neither is trying to force something that just isn't right because someone told you had to be "open to love." My two cents. Of course, I'm single and haven't had anything other than a bunch of "meh" first dates in a while, so what do I know?"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiver30960 0 #33 January 19, 2005 QuoteThat means you have to date the funny smelling, dorky bagboy from the grocery store cause he might actually be the one. Awrigt! That means I might still have a chance! Elvisio "paper or plastic" Rodriguez Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tigra 0 #34 January 19, 2005 QuoteQuoteThird: When people say, "You have to be open to love", are they saying you have to be blind and stupid and put it all on the line? Because, sorry, I'm not willing to, not right off the bat, anyway. That means you have to date the funny smelling, dorky bagboy from the grocery store cause he might actually be the one. You need to be pathetic and ask out any guy with a pulse cause lets face it, you aint getting any younger and you don't wanna be one of those old cat ladies. You need to only care about pleasing the man cause he is the god of the household. Did that help? Kel's not the only one with issues! But I do feel your pain! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #35 January 19, 2005 Generally it takes at least Two People to play a "Game". I think you should always completely straight forward. If someone does not respond in kind, then they are not worth your time. "Rules" such only call twice or wait 3 days after you meet them to call or other is such bullshit. Do what you feel is right. It will either work or it won’t. Don’t second guess yourself, If you are not sure where you stand, ASK. If you don’t get a straight answer. Move on. Do not look at any relationship as always and forever or happily ever after. That is a fairy tale that does not exist. So many people try to hard to find the One Special person and are missing out on some great experiences along the way. As for the “stalker-ish, insecure, and crazy” worries, we all have to deal with those issues and insecurities. I know I generally try to avoid sending any female a PM because I am worried that she will get the wrong idea and think I am either hitting on them or stalking them (Whether I am or not ). If you really like someone, Make sure they Know how you feel (And NO!! nothing is obvious to men, You have to spell it out for us, in very simple small words). the keys to being attractive to the opposite (or same even) sex: Confident Secure Honest Once you have those things down, everything else generally falls into place. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Samurai136 0 #36 January 19, 2005 QuoteJust don't call more than twice with no return phone call. So, uh, what happens if 'the one' calls twice and gets no response because you really were 'too busy' or were not in the moment to be open for love? That would suck. Ken"Buttons aren't toys." - Trillian Ken Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #37 January 19, 2005 I'm certainly not the person to give any advice in this arena..however I think if you overanalyze the situation or try to be psychic about the other person and their intentions, etc..you'll only frustrate yourself. Be yourself, be honest and openly communicate. If you're wondering something..just ask the person. Then you should know where you stand at all times. _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #38 January 19, 2005 QuoteFirst one: Do you play "the game" (calling no more than twice with no response, etc.)? If not, are you aware that you might come off as stalker-ish, insecure, and crazy? No, I don't play the game. I always dated older women, who are usually past the game-playing BS. QuoteSecond: Am I getting too smart (jaded, untrusting) for my own good? I tend to always think "He's just not that into you" if he doesn't call you back and says, "Oh, I was too busy". I just dismiss it and say, well, fuck, I guess that's over. To me, there's seldom such a thing as "too busy", but I was recently vehemently chastised for doing that (which REALLY pissed me off, btw The Barenaked Ladies did a song called Jane. One of the parts of the lyrics said: "Jane, I'm divided, but I can't decide what side I'm on. Jane decided only cowards stay while cheaters run." I've known many Jane's in my life. With them I always stayed "Just friends." There is often a "too busy." But, when the one finds you, there is rarely such thing. QuoteThird: When people say, "You have to be open to love", are they saying you have to be blind and stupid and put it all on the line? Because, sorry, I'm not willing to, not right off the bat, anyway. Well, then, you will never know the great ups and down. I had my heart torn out and stomped flat once. But it doesn't mean I'm going through life looking over my shoulder to protect myself. Walls can be too thick for anything to get through. For those, they typically age with a number of cats. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #39 January 19, 2005 And when the guy tells you he just wants to be fuck buddies until he finds a girl he wants to commit to...well hell, if you know what to do in that situation, please let me know. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kelel01 1 #40 January 19, 2005 Yes, but when you ask, you get chastised. No good, no good. But I guess that's the risk you have to take. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #41 January 19, 2005 QuoteAnd when the guy tells you he just wants to be fuck buddies until he finds a girl he wants to commit to...well hell, if you know what to do in that situation, please let me know. Depends on what YOU'RE looking for.... relationship or fun? Figure that out and act accordingly would be my advice. Best of luck to you...Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RkyMtnHigh 0 #42 January 19, 2005 QuoteYes, but when you ask, you get chastised. No good, no good. But I guess that's the risk you have to take. When you try to validate where you stand with the person..and you get "chastized"?..If they won't be honest and upfront, kick 'em to the curb, Kel! You are worth much more than that. Don't ever settle..or feel like you should avoid open communication..if that's not okay with them..they must be hiding something right? Good to know early on, than to be lead on or find out the redflags and lies after your heart is invested..just my 2 cents. AND Sunshine: if someone openly says they only wanna f*** buddy til something better comes along...#1, if that's all you want, then go for it; but #2, if you had hopes for more ATLEAST YOU KNOW their intentions and aren't being lead on. Tell them "hey thanks for clarifying that for me..nice to know" and you can chose to kick 'im to the curb and NEXT PLEEZ! or not. _________________________________________ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
champu 1 #43 January 19, 2005 Quotethat's because you never gave me your phone number.... ...she only gave you her situation. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kelel01 1 #44 January 19, 2005 This thread has really helped me get over this shit. It's such a non-issue anyway, honestly. People have just put too many ideas in my head: my male former roommates told me every nice thing guys said was a line; those people put out that book "He's Just Not That Into You" etc. (I had another example, but I got interrupted and forgot what it was). Seriously, give me two days and I'll forget all about this. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheBachelor 5 #45 January 19, 2005 After meeting someone, or going on a date, I'll rarely call a woman more than twice without a response. I don't believe that someone is "too busy" to at least return my call. If someone is really interested, she will find the minute or two to return the call. The tough part is when you do get ahold of someone, and they say they're too busy to get together right now. Do I call back in a week? A month? Are they telling the truth? I finally ended up telling them that if they wanted to get together in the future to give me a call. If they did, then I knew they were truly interested. I didn't stay at home waiting for the phone to ring, though.There are battered women? I've been eating 'em plain all of these years... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #46 January 19, 2005 This is good stuff for me, as I (eventually) re-enter the dating world.... Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BBKid 0 #47 January 19, 2005 Either Kelly only goes out with guys waaaaaay better looking than me (not difficult ), or all the guys she goes out with are what we in this country lovingly call "dickheads"! Hell, she could connect my bathwater up to a car battery and I'd probably still call her afterwards. That's assuming the restraining order doesn't cover phone calls though... Nick --------------------------- "I've pierced my foot on a spike!!!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 30 #48 January 19, 2005 QuoteHell, she could connect my bathwater up to a car battery She told ya about what she likes for forplay didnt she? Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #49 January 19, 2005 QuoteAND Sunshine: if someone openly says they only wanna f*** buddy til something better comes along...#1, if that's all you want, then go for it; but #2, if you had hopes for more ATLEAST YOU KNOW their intentions and aren't being lead on. Tell them "hey thanks for clarifying that for me..nice to know" and you can chose to kick 'im to the curb and NEXT PLEEZ! or not. QuoteDepends on what YOU'RE looking for.... relationship or fun? Figure that out and act accordingly would be my advice. Best of luck to you... I'm stupid. I thought he liked me. Oh well, i should be used to this shit by now i guess. No more dating for sunny. I'm done!! ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #50 January 19, 2005 No, you're not stupid... yes, you got misled. And I promise you not ALL guys are assholes...honest!Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
