When faded friends fade back in

[ChrisL 2]

I have always remained good friends with my very first girlfriend.
Our romance ended 22 years ago but the friendship remained.

As other women or men entered our lives and brought their retarded
insecurity and jelousy with them, we had to say goodbye for years at a time because these new SO's simply couldnt hande the fact that we were friends even though neither of us were looking for a romantic involvement any longer. That fire burned out a long time ago and we are just good friends.

We always got back in touch eventually.

Well she just got back in touch with me a couple weeks ago and we have been corresponding via e-mail pretty regularly.

Its been real nice to have my friend back. I missed her.
She was gone for 9 years this time around.

My wife, if she knew about this, would absolutely freak, but the fact is I'm just tired of playing this stupid game and saying goodbye to a good friend simply because my SO is too damned insecure to handle it.

I'm NOT going to say goodbye anymore. Why sould I pay the price for her insecurity and emotional baggage?

I'm also not going to go out of my way to mention it to my wife.
If she should ask me who I've been writing to lately I will tell her the truth. Until then I dont see why I should voluntarily bring a rain of shit into my life.

I dearly love my wife, but with regard to female friends she is an idiot. With regard to old flames that are now just friends, she is complete asshole.

I'm curious as to what the ladies think of this situation.

How many of you think that I should drop my long lost friend?

How many of you think I'm doing something wrong?

__

My mighty steed

[turtlespeed 226]

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How many of you think that I should drop my long lost friend?

How many of you think I'm doing something wrong?

Well, I'm not a lady - but anyway -

If it feels right - do it - it it feels really good - do it again.

Seriously - there is some consideration that has to be given (the whole give and take) towards your wifes feelings. If it is handled correctly, there should be no problem with the her becoming friends with her too. It all depends on maturity levels and how the situation is handled. If the wife thinks there are secrets - it will end badly - if there is absolute openness - there SHOULD be no problem.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[windcatcher 0]

well...considering you just called your wife and ***hole and an idiot...I would say be very careful about who you let in your personal life.

Some of you will probably disagree with me, but I believe that cheating is not necessarily just having sex...it's when you also let in someone emotionally in an area that your spouse/SO is supposed to have.

I would never cheat on any guy I was seeing, but I still talk to my guy friends...I would try and limit one-on-one time with male friends though.

This can be a very sticky situation. How would you feel if your wife was secretly corresponding with a very attractive, muscular man with whom she used to date???

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[SkiD_PL8 0]

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well...considering you just called your wife and ***hole and an idiot...I would say be very careful about who you let in your personal life.

Some of you will probably disagree with me, but I believe that cheating is not necessarily just having sex...it's when you also let in someone emotionally in an area that your spouse/SO is supposed to have.

I would never cheat on any guy I was seeing, but I still talk to my guy friends...I would try and limit one-on-one time with male friends though.

This can be a very sticky situation. How would you feel if your wife was secretly corresponding with a very attractive, muscular man with whom she used to date???

I need some one on one time...

Greenie in training.

[windcatcher 0]

hey Travis bring me some cookies!!!!!!1

oh wait, I'm bringing you guys some

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[ChrisL 2]

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This can be a very sticky situation. How would you feel if your wife was secretly corresponding with a very attractive, muscular man with whom she used to date???

Honestly I wouldnt care, and for that very reason it wouldnt be a secret.
I have no insecurity or jelousy issues at all. My wife can be friends with male exotic dancers if she likes and if she wants another man
romantically she can have that too, she just cant have me any more if she's after that.

With regard to areas that are only for my wife, I wasnt aware that friendship fell into that category.
As I said, there is NO romance between me and this other person.
She is just an old, dear friend.

My wife could not possibly become friends with her. She is too insecure to handle that. Its too bad too because if it were not for the circumstance, they actually would like each other.

__

My mighty steed

[Daizey 0]

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I would try and limit one-on-one time with male friends though.

Why? Whats the big deal? If it's a friend then who cares? How is hanging out with a guy friend alone any different than hanging out with girl. If you don't have any intimate feelings towards them, it's really not different at all. The concept of cutting your guy friends out just because you have a boyfriend seems so ridiculous to me...

My roommate and her boyfriend constantly fight about guys shes hanging out with. I think its amazing. He thinks that whenever shes hanging out with a guy, she's cheating with him on with that guy. If that's the case, then there are some major trust issues.

Chris, if you and your wife truly trust and love one another then I dont see what the big deal is. I talk to a few of my exes all the time and its not an issue. Nearly half my friends are guys and having a boyfriend doesn't stop me from hanging out with them-in fact he even hangs out with one of them on occasion. He has no reason to be suspicious and he trusts that I wouldn't do anything. I've never given him a reason to feel otherwise and he's never given me one either.

*daizey*

[windcatcher 0]

well, I have never been married before, but if I ever do get married, my husband and I will respect each other's boundaries.

Being close friends with the opposite sex, while being married, is not a good idea, IMHO. When I get married, I will be committing to sharing all of me with my husband, sexually, emotionally, spriitually and mentally. I will not be just hanging out with a bunch of attractive male friends without my husband..to me something is a little off with that picture.

edit to add:

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Whats the big deal? If it's a friend then who cares?

With all the cheating that goes on nowadays, I would want to do everything possible to ensure a healthy,long-lasting marriage, and to me, one way to do that is to not have CLOSE male friends. Personally, I can remain friends with a guy even if I'm not attracted to him, but when you and another guy who are "just friends" ,and extremely attracted to one another,start sharing more intimate discussions and lots of time together, I see it as an affair waiting to happen.
Just my opinion, I know people will disagree with me on that issue, but I want to be married for a long time and be the best wife to my husband.

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[tigra 0]

You are entitled to your friends, male or female. if you are doing nothing wrong, you shouldn't have to justify it. I've never understood the jealousy and insecurity some people have when it comes to their SO's friendships with people of the opposite sex.

If there isn't trust in a relationship, there isn't much of a relationship, and it doesn't matter whether that lack of trust is justified or stems from her own insecurities and baggage.

That said, I think you should be honest with your wife about it. If she finds out on her own, she'll be hurt and you will have given her a reason not to trust you.

Just my .02.

Oh, and my SO is very close with his ex and I'm fine with that! They have a child together and she comes first!

[ChrisL 2]

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Chris, if you and your wife truly trust and love one another then I dont see what the big deal is.

I agree completely. The problem is that while I trust my wife completely, my wife does not trust me.
This is not because of anything that I ever did. We have been married 8 years and I've never cheated or done anything to sew the seeds of distrust. This is baggage that she brought in with her from the past.

I've never cheated on anyone whether we were married or just dating. Ever.

Its a big enough problem that I have considered leaving on more than one occasion because I dont feel that I should be continually suffering for the misdeeds of some bad choice she made in another lifetime.

Its extremely frustrating.

__

My mighty steed

[SkiD_PL8 0]

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well, I have never been married before, but if I ever do get married, my husband and I will respect each other's boundaries.

Being close friends with the opposite sex, while being married, is not a good idea, IMHO. When I get married, I will be committing to sharing all of me with my husband, sexually, emotionally, spriitually and mentally. I will not be just hanging out with a bunch of attractive male friends without my husband..to me something is a little off with that picture.

edit to add:

Quote

Whats the big deal? If it's a friend then who cares?

With all the cheating that goes on nowadays, I would want to do everything possible to ensure a healthy,long-lasting marriage, and to me, one way to do that is to not have CLOSE male friends. Personally, I can remain friends with a guy even if I'm not attracted to him, but when you and another guy who are "just friends" start sharing more intimate discussions and lots of time together, I see it as an affair waiting to happen.

You can be friends and not have feelings for eachother in that way. It is pretty simple like, we are friends and I won't ever sleep with you because you repulse me... BWAHAHA!

Greenie in training.

[windcatcher 0]

I repulse you???

FINE,no cookies for you!!!

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[ChrisL 2]

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I will not be just hanging out with a bunch of attractive male friends without my husband..to me something is a little off with that picture.

You have twice mentioned "attractive" as a reason to not hang out with a friend of the opposite sex.

So it would be ok if the person was ugly?

I can have all the ugly friends I like. OR they dont have to actually be ugly as long as they are visibly less attractive than my wife.

MEthinks that someday your future husband might find himself in the same situation I'm in

BTW, I never said my old friend was in the least bit attractive.
I dont really think that should matter, do you?

__

My mighty steed

[SkiD_PL8 0]

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I repulse you???

FINE,no cookies for you!!!

ok ok you don't repulse me... I just don't feel the need to make babies with you.

Greenie in training.

[PhreeZone 20]

Occasionly hangs out with an Ex of yours huh? Sounds like thats a weird BF you have . He also would'nt get drunk dialed by the same Ex at all hours of the night on weekdays during the Holiday boogie would he?

Yesterday is history
And tomorrow is a mystery

Parachutemanuals.com

[windcatcher 0]

um, no, I don't think my husband will have the same problem as you

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You have twice mentioned "attractive" as a reason to not hang out with a friend of the opposite sex.
So it would be ok if the person was ugly?
I can have all the ugly friends I like. OR they dont have to actually be ugly as long as they are less attractive than my wife

so you are saying, that if you are around a bunch of beautiful women whom you and the women are sexually attracted to each other...that you wouldn't EVER consider having sex with them???

I have not mentioned "attractive" as a reason to not hang out w/ guys. I am saying, some of my friends can't be friends with a guy unless they are attracted to him. I personally, could care less what my guy friends look like

Edit to add: Travis, that's okay, I don't want to make babies with you either

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[MarkM 0]

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Some of you will probably disagree with me, but I believe that cheating is not necessarily just having sex...it's when you also let in someone emotionally in an area that your spouse/SO is supposed to have.

I would disagree with you. I just don't think those emotional areas are so small that there's only room for one person to fit in them.

[tigra 0]

Very well said!

[GTAVercetti 0]

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so you are saying, that if you are around a bunch of beautiful women whom you and the women are sexually attracted to each other...that you wouldn't EVER consider having sex with them???Crazy

You must have missed the part where Chris said that he is not longer attracted to the girl. They are just old friends now.

My current girlfriend is also good friends with her boyfriend from 12 years ago. I couldn't care less. As she says, "we both agreed that after 12 years, we were not attracted to to each other anymore and just friends."

I believe her.

Why yes, my license number is a palindrome. Thank you for noticing.

[Conundrum 1]

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I'm NOT going to say goodbye anymore. Why sould I pay the price for her insecurity and emotional baggage?

I'm also not going to go out of my way to mention it to my wife.
If she should ask me who I've been writing to lately I will tell her the truth. Until then I dont see why I should voluntarily bring a rain of shit into my life.

I dearly love my wife, but with regard to female friends she is an idiot. With regard to old flames that are now just friends, she is complete asshole.

I'm curious as to what the ladies think of this situation.

How many of you think that I should drop my long lost friend?

How many of you think I'm doing something wrong?

You knew she was insecure and overly emotional, but you married her anyway, you really have no ground to stand on as far as being mad at her.

You knew what you were marrying and now you want to complain about it?

[ChrisL 2]

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so you are saying, that if you are around a bunch of beautiful women whom you and the women are sexually attracted to each other...that you wouldn't EVER consider having sex with them??

I'm not quite sure how you got to that. It has no bearing on my situation.
I AM saying that I would not consider having sex with this friend even if we were both single. We dont feel that way toward each other.

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I am saying, some of my friends can't be friends with a guy unless they are attracted to him.

Thats truely bizarre and I cant comprehend it.

__

My mighty steed

[GTAVercetti 0]

That is an excellent point.

Why yes, my license number is a palindrome. Thank you for noticing.

[windcatcher 0]

yes,I understand.

I am probably going to see my ex boyfriend, the first man I ever loved, in a week or so and I am currently dating someone.
However, if my boyfriend didn't really want me to spend time alone with this guy I would respect his wishes. I just want to make my man happy, and anything that could cause him to question my feelings for him would be something I would consider.

To me,love is all about making the other person happy, and not being selfish.

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[ChrisL 2]

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You knew she was insecure and overly emotional, but you married her anyway, you really have no ground to stand on as far as being mad at her.

You knew what you were marrying and now you want to complain about it?

You are assuming that I knew everything there was to know about my wife before we got married.
Thats a pretty big assumption and in this case, completely wrong.

I was not aware that this was a problem until long after we were married. I dont actually have 1000 female friends that this would pop up right away.

I ASSUMED that as an adult I could chose who I want to be friends with.

__

My mighty steed

[Daizey 0]

LOL oh yeah he definitely is weird! He even considered asking him to be his rommate

*daizey*