SkiD_PL8 0 #26 March 23, 2005 Where is revjim when you need him!? Greenie in training. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
swedishcelt 0 #27 March 23, 2005 RevJim isn't the only ordained minister in this forum. I am sure someone else could do the job. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kris 0 #28 March 23, 2005 Quote What have YOU learned from it all? Engaged for 2 years....there was nothing to learn, as she passed away.Sky, Muff Bro, Rodriguez Bro, and Bastion of Purity and Innocence!™ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #29 March 23, 2005 Shit! Sorry man. That's fucked. "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kris 0 #30 March 23, 2005 QuoteShit! Sorry man. That's fucked. Leave it to me to be a threadkiller. Thanks though, Frenchy...it was several years ago though. I've since moved on.Sky, Muff Bro, Rodriguez Bro, and Bastion of Purity and Innocence!™ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jmp2liv 0 #31 March 23, 2005 Married twice, divorced twice. I learned to pick better friends ... ones that won't start affairs with my wife(s) Still single at this point. I also learned that no matter how bad it seems when you're going through the wringer, it gets better. And I'm a lot more knowledgeable about what I want in a relationship. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiveNFlorida 0 #32 March 23, 2005 Engaged at 17, broke it off at 20. What have I learned? About myself or about relationships? I have learned, since then, a great deal about myself. And in hindsight I was very foolish to think that I knew me well enough to pick a partner for life at that time. About relationships, I think that regardless of whether you are engaged, married, or just in a long term relationship, you will learn a lot about yourself and how you deal with others (and, how you 'should' deal with others.) And, even if you don't walk away knowing what you want in a person, you at least walk away knowing a little more about what you don't want. I think i'll agree that getting married much before 25, for most people, is probably poor decision making. I'm not saying it can't work, because my grandmother was 16 when she married (my grandfather much older) and they lasted until death parted them. But, I think that it takes more time than we may think to understand ourselves. I'm still figuring me out and i'll be 24 in a few months. -A Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
girlygirl 0 #33 March 23, 2005 Still, I wouldn't have brought up bad memories or sad times for you for the world sweety, I'm sorry if if I did. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiveNFlorida 0 #34 March 23, 2005 QuoteMarried twice, divorced twice. I learned to pick better friends ... ones that won't start affairs with my wife(s) I'd say your problem lies more with picking a faithful partner, than with picking better friends. I think that it is terribly screwed up that a friend would have sex with your wife, but I think it is a lot more screwed up that your wife would have sex with your friend. jmo. Angela. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #36 March 23, 2005 QuoteVisa? Or love? Definitely love. Both times. "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jmp2liv 0 #37 March 23, 2005 QuoteI'd say your problem lies more with picking a faithful partner, than with picking better friends. I think that it is terribly screwed up that a friend would have sex with your wife, but I think it is a lot more screwed up that your wife would have sex with your friend. Agreed! I sure wish I'd have been told that they wanted something different before the act, rather than after. It would have been a lot easier, rather than find out the hard way. It's all good now, though! I'm much better off without them. Maybe someday, I'll meet someone who's right for me. I still believe I'm right for someone out there ... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
girlygirl 0 #38 March 23, 2005 OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh Good Question. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyingferret 0 #39 March 23, 2005 QuoteHow did you even know if they were good in bed or not? Because being 'good' in bed is the result to a formula that has nothing to do with test driving and everything to do with desire. Sorry, I just hate that being quoted as a reason these days. I am not trying to harp on pre-marital sex or anything, I am just saying that if you are marrying for the right reasons, are they good in bed should be about last on the list. If the rest lines up, the sex will be good, even great with some communication. Personally, never engaged, never married. I am only doing it once and it will be right before I take that step. Will it ever be guaranteed? No. I think you think that, that is the beginning of a dangerous road to the end. But it is a nice feeling to know that you can depend on another person so much that nothing would change their love for you and their ability to give you a chance to explain a misunderstanding. What you do with it from is the part that requires love and honesty.-- All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brigitte36 0 #40 March 23, 2005 QuoteQuoteFrenchy wants to get married again. I'm going into withdrawl...Are you in this forum looking for a wife? Is Chloe your ex-girlfriend? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyingferret 0 #41 March 23, 2005 Part of is our society I think. Our communication sucks a lot of the time. Think about it, due to IM, the net, etc....I was in a meeting the other day, with at least 2/3 of the occupants doing something outside the meeting while we all sat in the same room. We send messages very well...and very quick. But do we really communicate? I would hazard a guess that people like your grandmother and mine, and a lot more figured out by 20 than my friends and I did. Or I guess you could argue the flip side that they were just more repressed. But I am going for the former.-- All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bob.dino 1 #42 March 23, 2005 Nice. Good to know you can just go for it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 0 #43 March 23, 2005 Here are some articles on brain maturity and how society has changed the development of young adults. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A52687-2005Jan31.html http://www.groupsrv.com/science/about74352.html Final one but I can't find an active link just a cached one: I don't want to grow up ... Notions of when true adulthood begins are shifting By MARTHA IRVINE, Associated Press CLINTON TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) -- Sunshine filters through the window into her bedroom -- a cosy upstairs hideaway with light yellow walls and a blue floral comforter covering a twin bed. It is quiet, even peaceful -- maybe too much so for the young woman who resides here. "It's a pretty, little room. But you kind of lose your identity in it. It's not really mine," Amy Powell says, surveying the few belongings that are hers -- a laptop, a few framed photos and a weathered notebook filled with the names and addresses of the many employers she's contacted for a job. To say that this is not what she'd imagined is a bit of an understatement: she is 22 years old, a recent college graduate, working as a waitress, living in her parents' suburban home -- and, as she puts it, still waiting to become a "real adult." A weak economy has left many college grads and young professionals in a similar predicament, slowing their march to independence from the folks at home. But experts who track human development will tell you: the financial downturn is only the most recent factor pushing the start of adulthood later and later. Gone is the notion that adulthood officially started at 18, when one typically graduated from high school -- or even 21, the modern-day age limit for drinking alcohol. Now many experts simply consider those markers along the way. A University of Chicago survey released earlier this year, found that most Americans think adulthood begins at age 26. "It's not like one day you wake up and you're an adult. It's much more gradual," says developmental psychologist Jeffrey Arnett. A professor at the University of Maryland, he is writing a book on what he calls "emerging adulthood" -- the period between age 18 to 25. "The new life course has become much more spread out and flexible," Arnett says, noting the fact that many of today's young people are staying in school longer, marrying later and delaying having children. The University of Chicago survey found that most people defined getting married and having children as markers for true adulthood. But even that doesn't ring true for many twentysomethings. "I just graduated from law school, I've been in a relationship with my significant other for over seven years, and I'm buying a house -- and none of that makes me feel like a grown-up," says Daniel Gluck, a 27-year-old who lives in Honolulu. "But I'm starting to lose my hair and that's beginning to make me feel grown up pretty quickly." Some young people say their hesitation about marriage, family and home ownership comes from watching how others -- from parents to peers -- have responded to the usual trappings of adulthood. "I've had a glimpse into their lives and realize what a change those things represent," 23-year-old Lisa Mixon says of friends who got married and started families right after college. "Many of them always feel rushed, are too busy to go out with friends -- and, well, aren't happy." Now working as marketing director at Harcum College in Bryn Mawr, Pa., Mixon moved in with her parents after college while working a retail job. She has agreed to stay on for the next two years to help care for a sick parent and chip in on household duties.Fly it like you stole it! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiveNFlorida 0 #44 March 23, 2005 QuoteOr I guess you could argue the flip side that they were just more repressed. But I am going for the former. My grandmother probably only ever had sex with one man, and was likely brought up to believe that she was meant to make babies and cook, like good women do. Birth control was considered a sin to them, likely the reason I have 8 aunts and uncles. I think that the loss of "moral fiber" from our nation has given us many more choices than our ancestors had. Who cares if the Catholic Church thinks birth control is a sin? Not I, and i'm proud of the fact that I don't abide by their dictatorial rules. I'm proud to work, go to school, and have the ultimate say in what direction my life takes. So, I guess what i'm trying to say is that i'd definitely argue that they were repressed. jmo. Angela. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livendive 8 #45 March 23, 2005 I got engaged at 19, married a couple weeks later, separated at 20, and divorced at 21. I've only even come close to it once in the 15 years since then...a girlfriend gave me a "promise ring" (promising to say yes if I'd ask), we built a house together, and I got her father's permission to ask, but we broke up before I ever popped the question. I've learned that divorces are best when you're young and don't yet own anything worth fighting over. I've also learned that it takes awhile to get over someone you've committed your life to. That's something I hope I never have to do again. I'm willing to try the marriage thing one more time in my life, but only once, so I'm not going to waste it. Assuming a "right woman" exists for whom I am the "right man", and that we meet at some point that works for both of us (two HUGE assumptions), my relationship with her will be either be so incredible that it almost (but not quite) feels like fiction... or it will not progress to marital vows. Blues, Dave"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!" (drink Mountain Dew) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #46 March 23, 2005 QuoteI got engaged at 19, married a couple weeks later, separated at 20, and divorced at 21. Damn! At this pace, I'd be working on #12 by now... QuoteI've learned that divorces are best when you're young and don't yet own anything worth fighting over. Bingo! "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
girlygirl 0 #47 March 23, 2005 HHHEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! prenupt anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyingferret 0 #48 March 23, 2005 Well, you are talking morals and I was talking communication. I will leave too much debate for Speakers Corner. But a moral contruct instills values, as does a family unit. I am not arguing about which values, just saying it adds a group definition to the perceived world. Many of the current generation to not share this. I have many 'friends' that I grew up with that got more of an idea about life situations from 90210 and Friends than they did from their parents. My point is simply that, regardless of repression, there was more interpersonal exchange when my grandmother grew up. Was it limited to certain topics, perhaps. But these days are there any more topics? Or rather have some topics taken the place of others, perhaps we have traded openness for depth? These are of course statement about generalities....soemthing which as a group of skydivers on the internet is probably a not 'us'. My grandmother grew up during the depression, and had very little. Her hunger for self-education and prosperity, even at 86 years old still amazes me. She has seen hard times, and is very cogniscent of the role in relationships and work ethic to grow beyond those. Quite honestly, most of my generation has no idea what that is like. My grandmother as the 60 and 70s passed was by NO means a repressed woman and still is not, being a rather adamant California Democrat. However,her value of family never disappeared. Some repression is good, repression of selfishness can be good. Repression of immediate desires for long term goals can be good. In general, I think the current generation has put a block label on it and said "You will not control me, everything is good, nothing is wrong, for that is judging" And then we are surprised that marriages fail because people can't communicate, kids have interpersonal problems in school, and people act like flaming morons on the internet?-- All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #49 March 23, 2005 Quoteprenupt anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????? Prenupts are sooooo 80's! "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkydiveNFlorida 0 #50 March 23, 2005 Well, for the sake of the thread, lets agree to disagree, then:) Not going to start an argument up here. -A Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
