Texans: How to survive being a Yankee.

[christoofar 0]

Planning to move up East? Here's some observations for ya!

1. Plan ahead, WAY ahead, which roads you are going to take on a journey. There are no such things as:
- "feeder roads"
- "turnarounds"
- "access ramps"

New Jersey is the only driver-friendly state. All the others treat vehicles as a necessary nuisance.

2. It snows. Gotta have an ice scraper for your car!

3. Surpress the urge to say "howdy" and "y'all" or you'll be immediately spotted as a foreigner. Practice saying "yo" and "youz guys"

4. Northerners are very weary when driving around you when they notice you have TEXAS on your license plate. This effect is 2x the larger the size of your pickup. Give yourself a star if you also have a BUSH-CHEANY bumper sticker. Give yourself an xtra 3 stars if you have an empty (but visible) gun rack.

5. In Texas it's customary to be crass to the waitresses at diners. Don't do this up here until they know you very, very well!

6. For urban dwellers, "homeless" people are everywhere. Let the tourists give them money. Keep yours in your wallet. I emphasize the "homeless" because they aren't really homeless. They have apartments and/or other accomodations. Their day job is to "score" in high-foot-traffic areas during the day. The ones who aren't staying at shelters will then move over to the club districts to harass patrons coming/going out of the bars and clubs as they let out.

99% of them aren't really homeless (as in living on the sidewalk) when 30 minutes before the shelters lock their doors for the night--most of them mysteriously disappear.

*note for Philadelphia: this is also true for the folks who seem to wonder the streets aimlessly at night hollering drunk nothings. When the SEPTA trains shut down for the evening, they all miraculously disappear (probably to Northern Liberties I suspect).

7. In Texas, you can pretty much live anywhere and have a good commute to the office. Up here, most people prefer to work a shitty job and live extremely close to work rather than have a job they love but have a shitty commute to the office.

8. Unless you are in New Jersey, you are going to pay out the ass for gas.

9. If you are in New Jersey, all the states that are pissed off at your low gas prices (PA and NY) are going to stick you with big tolls entering/leaving the state. If you get New Jersey license plates on your car, you will be persecuted as you exit the state on road trips (people cutting you off, flipping you the finger, etc).

10. Fashion tip. People up here like to wear a lot of black, grey and brown. Stray from this pattern during the winter months and people will spot you as either a) a foreigner b) on vacation, c) a lunatic.

11. In Texas the only hat you can wear on your head is a) a straw hat or Stetson or b) a ballcap. Up here you can wear just about anything on your head EXCEPT selection a). The only exception to this rule is if you happen to be in rural Pennsylvania where the Texas/Tennessee-wannabees are.

12. In San Antonio you can get away with calling in RAIN to work, provided it's actually raining and you sound sincere enough about it with your boss. If you drive to work anywhere in the northeast it has to be about 5" of snow and 2 INCHES of visibility before you can get away with that trick.

13. Your car gets to experience all sorts of conditions when driving up here. However, the whether doesn't really affect the traffic patterns that much, so drive anyway. [ In Texas, most people don't know how to drive in anything but absolutele sunshine (San Antonio can have over 300 accidents/day in during a moderate rain shower). ]

14. When you say "I'm Irish" in Texas you get a shrug. Up here, you get respect.

15. In TX it's okay to say you hate The Cowboys or your local NFL/NBA team for whatever reason, people can understand. Don't do this up here (even though the Sixers still suck ass). Up here, you will root for that sorry team and you will LIKE IT.

____________________________________________________________
I'm RICK JAMES! Fo shizzle.

[bmoore21184 0]

Yes i miss feeder roads, there aren't any in colorado either. Feeders make it so much easier to find something along the hwy if you don't know exactly where it is, instead of getting off the hwy then trying to get back on to get one more exit down.

Wasn't a fan of Phili when I visited there either. The historic stuff was cool but that was about it.

B Moore

'Turbulence is a bitch'