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livendive

Hollister bash...notable quotables

By livendive, in The Bonfire

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livendive    8

livendive
OK, so the roadtrip was a blast. I got to make a few skydives, I met a bunch of very cool people (plus one jackass, and one horse's ass), and there was lots of hilarity and absurdity along the way, two of my favorite things in the world. Not all of them translate well into this form of communication, but I'll give it a shot.

First, the cashier at the gas station in Oregon (where people aren't allowed to pump their own gas) who apparently didn't see me and Roy get out of the same car:
Her (to me): Are you waiting for fuel?
Me: Yes
Her: OK, so I've got two guys waiting for fuel (while nodding in the direction of Roy and another guy)
Me: Wait, which of those guys is also waiting?
Her: He is (again nodding)
Me: Who is "he"? (and immediately realizing the ambiguity of the question)
Her: What?
Me: When you say one of those guys is waiting for fuel, which one are you referring to?
Her: (Pointing both index fingers at my face) YOU! Are YOU waiting for fuel?
Me: (yelling) YES! Who else is? (Roy is useless for asking the question, he's laughing too hard)
Roy: (in super retarded voice, with hands mashing in front of him) "are nyue mwaiteen for fuuuel"?
Cashier: (getting angry) Well? Are you!
Me: NO! Just let me pay for this beer! HE can pay for the fuel!
Her: I thought YOU were waiting for fuel!
Me: Goddammit! Here, take this money for the beer.
Her: God I love Friday's...I just started and have all night to go. :S

Then, there was a couple in the bunkhouse at the DZ who apparently decided privacy wasn't a luxury they could afford and therefore made "accidental" voyeurs out of others. It was pretty clear the guy liked a little pain but had a limit, because although the noises they were making were funny in an absurd sort of way, the hilarity came with the cessation of activities and his rapid fire whisper-talking "Wait! Not so hard that it bleeds!" I was able to contain my laughter at the time, but not a few minutes later, when a loud "SLAP!" noise interrupted the rhythmic sounds they were making at the time...then I lost it. :D

We stopped in San Jose for dinner Sunday night on our way out of town, and the food took WAY too long to get to us. The bartender, trying to appease us, told us our drinks would be on the house for the entire night, whatever we want. We ended up having to cut ourselves off after awhile, or we wouldn't have made it anywhere at all. As it was, we didn't make it far, because suddenly Lodi sounded like a great idea. We had to stop for gas and a map to see how the freeways connect to each other, so I filled up the car while Roy went inside. When he came back out, I saw he was only carrying a 6-pack of beer and looking quite proud. I said, "Did you get a map?" His chest deflated and he replied, dead-serious, with this confused look on his face, "What? I've got beer, why would I need a map?" What a perfect guy quote! I think there should be a t-shirt or bumper sticker with that one on it. :D

When we got to Lodi and started setting up my tent, Roy helped me with the poles, and eventually Krisanne asked what she could do. I said "stakes". She dumped out the bag of stakes and said "all of them"? I replied, "No, just two apiece on the two ends, so the side rooms open up." Well, she went and put two in on one side, then said "I can't find where the other two go". I walked over and said:
"You've got this side, those two go on the other side"
"What side?"
"The OTHER side!"
"What other side?"
Laughing my ass off..."The side opposite THIS side!....You know, the OTHER side! Like 180 degrees from here"

What made that funnier was 5 minutes later when she tried to open the door on the second side she'd (eventually) staked...I said "Hey, this wall is broken, so you're sleeping on the other side" and she said, completely serious, "What other side?" My reply, "Didn't we JUST do this? The OTHER side!"

There was lots more too, but I'm not sure how funny this is translating, so I'll leave it there. Long story short, my voice is hoarse today, and it's mostly because of how much I laughed this weekend. If you weren't there, you missed out on a hilarious time. :D

Blues,
Dave
"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

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NWFlyer    2

NWFlyer
  Quote

When we got to Lodi and started setting up my tent, Roy helped me with the poles, and eventually Krisanne asked what she could do. I said "stakes". She dumped out the bag of stakes and said "all of them"? I replied, "No, just two apiece on the two ends, so the side rooms open up." Well, she went and put two in on one side, then said "I can't find where the other two go". I walked over and said:
"You've got this side, those two go on the other side"
"What side?"
"The OTHER side!"
"What other side?"
Laughing my ass off..."The side opposite THIS side!....You know, the OTHER side! Like 180 degrees from here"

What made that funnier was 5 minutes later when she tried to open the door on the second side she'd (eventually) staked...I said "Hey, this wall is broken, so you're sleeping on the other side" and she said, completely serious, "What other side?" My reply, "Didn't we JUST do this? The OTHER side!"



So my brain doesn't work too well after FIVE shots of Patron. And multiple beers. And a car bomb. At least I could work the flashlight.

Seriously, that guy at the bar in San Jose was the best bartender ever. I think he comped us a couple hundred dollars worth of free booze. And drank at least some of it with us.
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

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NWFlyer    2

NWFlyer
More famous quotes from mother of all road trips and the boogie, though I think most of them fall into the you had to be there category...

"If it feels good on your wrists, imagine how good it'll feel in the crack of your ass!"

"Are we there yet?"

"Sweetie, you should have talked to me before you decided to go on this trip. These are bad, bad, people."

"Shut up and go to sleep, Dave."

Ah, good times.

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mfrese    0

mfrese
If all the best quotes were from the road trip, we obviously weren't trying hard enough. ;)

You guys all rocked, the "Bash" rocked, couldn't have asked for a better weekend (except more time to play instead of work). Next time, we'll make sure Vinnie and Texas Mike have tequila instead of whiskey...then you'll really get a show.

Nice meeting all of you, hope to see you soon, and tell Todd Mike and Lynn said howdy!
Doctor I ain't gonna die,
Just write me an alibi! ---- Lemmy/Slash

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NWFlyer    2

NWFlyer
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If all the best quotes were from the road trip, we obviously weren't trying hard enough. ;)



Oh, some of those were from the party, too, it's just that we were (relatively) more sober on the road trip so they were more memorable.

  Quote

You guys all rocked, the "Bash" rocked, couldn't have asked for a better weekend (except more time to play instead of work). Next time, we'll make sure Vinnie and Texas Mike have tequila instead of whiskey...then you'll really get a show.



Uh oh. Seriously, everyone at Hollister rocked and was so welcoming. Can't wait to make it back there and hang with everyone again!

  Quote

Nice meeting all of you, hope to see you soon, and tell Todd Mike and Lynn said howdy!



Done.

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TheAnvil    0

TheAnvil
Glad to meet you guys too! GREAT jumping with you guys!

B|

I don't know what Mike is talking about though with the tequila...TX Mike and I NEVER do anything stupid whilst drinking tequila....:):):):):):)...er...uhhh...well...maybe... sometimes... we'll do one or two ... or three... slightly ... er... pretty much almost.... stupid...uhh

Never mind. Let's get some tequila next time. The sooner the better. As a matter of fact, I've got some right here!
:oB|
Vinny the Anvil
Post Traumatic Didn't Make The Lakers Syndrome is REAL
JACKASS POWER!!!!!!

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D22369    0

D22369
It was fantastic meeting you Vinny, your even crazier than everyone says..... :P It was way too much fun!!! I am still exausted from the drive home.... but it was worth it!!!

Roy
They say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it.

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