Some great man-bashing jokes

[waltappel 1]

I didn't write 'em, but I'm happy to pass 'em on!

Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A: Shoot him again.

Q: How can you tell if a man is well-hung?
A: When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: Because they are practicing to be men.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him,
or
three - One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women ... ?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your email?
A: Rename the folder to "Instructions Manuals".

Walt

[justaflygirl 0]

Thanks Man! I really needed that!

[lawrocket 3]

Q: What's the difference between a Corvette and a Porcupine?
A: With a porcupine the pricks are on the outside.

Q: What's the difference between a government bond and a man?
A: Bonds mature

Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: Widow.

Q: Why is it so difficult for women to find caring and sensitive men?
A: They all have boyfriends.

Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?
A: Single women see what's in the firdge and go to bed. Married women see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.

Q: How does a man plan for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer.

Q: What does a man think about Roe vs. Wade?
A: Two ways of crossing a stream.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one. Men witll screw anything.

Q: Why are women so bad at parking?
A: Because men keep telling them that <----------------------> is 8 inches...

Q: What do you call a man with 20 brain cells?
A: A Eunuch

Q: What do a toilet, and anniversary and a clitoris have in common?
A: Men miss all of them.

Q: How is a man like a snowstorm?
A: You never know when it's coming, how long it will last or how many inches you'll get.

Q: Why did God create men?
A: Because vibrators don't mow the lawn.

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
A: Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Q: What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A: Begging.

Q: Why do doctors slap babies at birth?
A: To knock the penises off of the smart ones.

My wife is hotter than your wife.