Dear Alcohol,

[AlvaroCarvalho 0]

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my
friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work
cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's
hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of
endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your
intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at
heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:


1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I
question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity
takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-girlfriends /
boyfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during
the day, let alone all hours of the night?


2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I
eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some
stale chips(washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few
cheese curls& chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you
went too far this time.


3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do
more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by
causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue
marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me.
Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front
door key into the lock.


4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting
ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery
may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely
unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions
are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to
sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the
hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.


Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to
ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great
stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I
just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to
continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances
above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than
Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions& hopefully we can
continue this fruitful partnership.


P.S.THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:


1.Innovative
2.Preliminary
3.Proliferation
4.Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:


1.Specificity
2.British Constitution
3.Passive-aggressive disorder


THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:


1.Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2.Nope, no more beer for me.
3.Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4.Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.



Cheers,

Alvaro...

Hey...ho...let's go!

[Opie 0]

$10. fine from the Repost Police

[Tintin 0]

Missed it the first time round . Very funny
Just woke up myself ...pm ..fully clothed, including boots, face down on top of my bed. Cat pawing at my head. Got up, fed cat, remember leaving the pub at about 2am after buying a takeout bottle of wine for £12.50 !! Going to a mates house, his girlfriend feeding me spam ( I hate any processed meat). Then thats it , blank.

Now sitting with coffee and reading posts, which look a little fuzzy, t'ill feel human again. Then tonight got the monthly pub crawl round the country-side , I drove last time , so tonight its party time !!

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Please forgive the sp errors, I have dyslexia. Don't laugh ... the last time i went to a toga party, I went dressed as a goat !!