help me kiss ass

[recyclebingo 0]

Ok, I'm broke as hell and looks like i'm going to have to get a job. i'm applying to be a waitress and eventhough i hate customer service jobs, i can kiss an ungodly amount of ass. (i really need a job so there's no room for honesty!) here are some of the BS q's i've managed to answer thus far:
1. what are some reasons for your success?
2. what would you do to make a negative situation positive?
3. what kinds of people irritate you?
4. how do you decide what to do with your time off?
5. what motivates you to get your job done?
I've answered all of those in the most 'im outgoing and friendly' way humanly possible, but i can't answer the rest of the q's in the same manner without a little help. any advice would be appreciated:
1. if you saw someone you thought you recognized, but weren't quite sure, what would you do?
2. what recent accomplishments do you take great pride in? (i have none! should i say i won a fictious award?)
3. what would your previous employers say about your work? (they won't remember me)
4. what activities have you been involved in during the past two yrs? (i just go to school and sleep and they can't know about skydiving!)

bs answers for the last 4 anyone?

[PsychoBob 0]

1. what are some reasons for your success?
I smoke a lot of dope.

2. what would you do to make a negative situation positive?
Roll up a nice tight number.

3. what kinds of people irritate you?
People that don't do drugs.

4. how do you decide what to do with your time off?
If I have dope I smoke it. If I don't I go find it.

5. what motivates you to get your job done?
My dependency on grass.

I've answered all of those in the most 'im outgoing and friendly' way humanly possible, but i can't answer the rest of the q's in the same manner without a little help. any advice would be appreciated:

1. if you saw someone you thought you recognized, but weren't quite sure, what would you do?
Asked them if they had sold me some weed.

2. what recent accomplishments do you take great pride in?

Ate Acid and ecstacy at the same time and didn't freak.

3. what would your previous employers say about your work?
Always had a good stash on me.

4. what activities have you been involved in during the past two yrs?
Helped a neighbor build a meth lab in his garage. It's kind like the habitat for humanity thing I guess.

"I'm not a gynecologist but I will take a look at it"
RB #1295, Smokey Sister #1, HellFish #658, Dirty Sanchez #194, Muff Brothers #3834, POPS #9614, Orfun Foster-Parent?"