wmw999 2,555 #51 July 6, 2005 QuoteThat's worthy of a puke-fest if I've ever seen one! All right! I grossed Billy out!!! Now my day is complete Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #52 July 6, 2005 While working cattle, a couple springs ago, the ranch owner and I came across a little calf in distress. The poor little guy had previously pooped and his little tail had gotten stuck in his butt from dried poop. Well, you farmers out there know what has to be done in a case like this! You have to peel the little guys tail out of the dried poop in his little butt. I held the calf while my rancher friend peeled-up the tail. It sounded like Velcro! He no more than got that little calf's tail un-stuck, when the little guy let loose with about two days worth! I couldn't help laughing my ass-off. Fortunately, there was a stock tank near by where he could clean-up. Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Duckwater 0 #53 July 6, 2005 2 things - #1 I was riding my motorcycle in 5th gear across a pasture in knee deep weeds when I was like 14..I hit a half fallen fencepost and went head first sailing over the handlebars. I landed face first. It hurt, and I woke up kind of and my face was all wet and gooey. I thought it was my brains. Turns out it was a fresh, green cow patty, that was all over my face and in my mouth. Strangely, it didn't tase so bad, sort of like kippered grass clippings. #2 - I was 18, a freshman at U of Alabama....My buddy Boyden Moore and I were shit faced and decided to drive to his parents house in Gadsden. It was like 1 AM. We went by the girls dorm to pick up a friend of his. He had an RX-7 so she sat on my lap. She was drunker than we were. Well, somewhere in BFE Alabama, as I am finger banging and drunk, sloppy french kissing her for 100 miles or so, she barfs all over me. I scream for Boyden to stop the car and I dump her in the grassy median where she continues to arch vomit like a Bellagio fountain. I change shirts and we continue. It gets worse. The next day, Boyden and I are bored so we decide to throw water balloons at cars. We drive to the store and I go in for balloons. I round the corner of asile 3, and, low and behold, there is Sally Pukesalot. I kind of don't know who she is at first because I never really saw her face. Well, she has shorts on and I can now, in my sober yet hungover state, focus. She has HUNDREDS, NO THOUSANDS of warts covering her legs....I mean she looks like a leper! My mind, still somewhat clouded by malted hopps, hunch punch and bong resin, quikly realizes that those warts almost certainly do not stop at the hem line of her shorts and certainly plauge the area where my fingers had been all night. There was a PA broadcast at the Piggly Wiggly for "Cleanup on Asile 3" as I promptly barfed after my brain processed the available information and came to an awful conclusion. No shit, I barfed right there in front of her. That is all I can muster for now. I am going to go wash my hands, again. -- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
outlawphx 1 #54 July 6, 2005 I was asked to check in on a friend's house who was gone for the summer. As I walk through the door, I swear that I thought there was a dead body in the house! The stench was AWFUL! I find out that his fridge died at some point, so most everything in the fridge and freezer had leaked out onto the floor. Mind you it was Phoenix in July, and the A/C was set at 90. You wouldn't believe what your freezer and fridge contents look like after a month of 90 degree heat. I cleaned it up in spurts, because I had to run outside for air I called and said much was owed! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kingbunky 3 #55 July 6, 2005 QuoteQuoteAt one point in my life I was a farmer in N. Wisconsin. It was a small dairy farm. Each morning I would get up at 4:00 am to milk the cows. In the winter, the cows were kept in the barn all night, sleeping on cement covered with straw. Most times they would poop while still laying down, getting it all over their butts and tails. One morning I was especially sleepy while milking one of our holsteins. Just as I decided to yawn, the cow decided to swat my face with her tail. Got a mouth full and decided farming wasn't for me. I still think the bitch did it on purpose! Man I hated that part about milking. I'm glad those days are over. i did a stint on a dairy farm as well. on day me and my buddy were strolling down the aisle behind the cows when i noticed one of them having a crap and working on a cough as we approached her. i stopped, my buddy kept walking just as she let the big cough go. that built up enough pressure within the cow that her crap flew straight backwards about 8 feet or so to the wall without losing an inch of altitude. my buddy was right behind her at the time. the funniest bit was the shit covered wall with a perfect outline of my buddy, still clean. the grossest thing that happend to me would have to be a three-way tie. #1 i have a thing about sour milk. even a whiff of it makes me want to puke. i opened and tipped back a small carton of chocolate milk and felt a big clump hit me in the lip at the same moment that i tasted the sour milk. i totally lost it, rolled down the window and blew chunks all down the side of the truck. #2 chugged a 6 pack of room temperature beer and a quart of warm wine, then headed off down the road with my friend, in his car. i told him to stop because i thought i was going to puke. he did, i got out, took a few breaths and thought i was okay so i got back in. we took off and about a minute later i told him to stop again. he said 'no, you're just faking'. i said 'oh yeah? watch this!', and puked all over the inside of his windshield. he laughed his ass off as it ran down the windshield and into the heating vents. the smell wasn't too bad in the summer, but the first time he needed the heat the smell almost make him puke so he sold the car. #3 when my daughter was small, i was playing with her just after she had eaten. i was laying on my back on the floor holding her over me at arms length, bouncing her around a little. she was giggling away and without warning, heaved all her recently ingested food straight down at me, and my mouth happened to be open. you think it's gross when you puke? try having someone else puke into your mouth. "Hang on a sec, the young'uns are throwin' beer cans at a golf cart." MB4252 TDS699 killing threads since 2001 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ChrisL 2 #56 July 6, 2005 Isnt someone going to explain "reverse cowgirl anal"??? Inquiring minds want to know. .__ My mighty steed Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
timber 4 #57 July 6, 2005 Wow ! There are some pretty good stories here ! I had taken this guy on a tandem jump. I guess he had eaten some nasty greasy Mexican food the night before. After opening I caught this god- aweful smell. He had shit all over himself !! I was gagging and trying not to yak all over his back. I told him " I can't take it anymore and that I was going to pull the student cut-away handle"!! " he yelled "NOOO ! DON'T" !!! Of course it was a no wind day. I slid him in on landing and shit was everywhere !! SOO you want to be a tandem master huh !! Blue Skies All, Timber Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #58 July 6, 2005 QuoteIsnt someone going to explain "reverse cowgirl anal"??? Inquiring minds want to know. . Cowgirl - woman on top Reverse Cowgirl - woman on top, facing away from you Anal - left as an exercise for the student Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpergirl 0 #59 July 6, 2005 I babysat for my friend last year. She had a 12 year old, who spent the day at school, a 4 year old and a 2 year old. I stayed home with the little ones all day. No problem. They are great kids. I knew the 4 year old, Kenny, was working on his potty training. He was doing pretty well, except when he had to poop he would start in his undies then go to the toilet. Well, I was sitting on the couch watching tv while they were in the playroom. I realized it had gotten quiet and my mom always says when the kids get quiet, something's wrong. So I got up and found Kenny in the bathroom... with poop everywhere. I don't mean a little bit. The kid had been fingerpainting with poop!! Apparently he had started to go in his undies, took them off, and slid onto the seat, smearing it on the way. He did his duty, and tried to wipe himself, smearing it on his butt. He slid off the toilet, smearing it some more. He tried to clean it up, smearing it all over the seat and filling the toilet with paper. Somehow, he managed to get it on the floor, down his legs, on the wall, on his shirt, under his shirt and on his back, everywhere. When I walked into the bathroom, I stood there for a minute with my jaw dropped debating on just locking him in the bathroom until his mom came home! It was GROSS!! And that kid is SMELLY!!!!!! If it's true that healthy kids have worse gas, then he's is very healthy!! I finally gathered my thoughts and pulled out what little "mommy" instincts I have and got him cleaned up and cleaned the bathroom. I told my friend she really owes me for that one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jeiber 0 #60 July 6, 2005 I walked into a restroom one time, opened the stall, and their was shit sprayed all over the wall, the back of the toilet, and smeared all over the toilet seat. Worse, there was a pair of underwear on the floor, also covered in it... Apparently the guy had some VERY explosive diarrhea, but was a fraction of a second late getting onto the toilet. There was no toilet paper (or he ran out), so he must have taken off his underwear used it to clean himself up, then threw them on the floor next to the toilet. It was probably the most disgusting thing I'd ever seen in my life, yet I couldn't help but start laughing hysterically as I imagined the poor guys horror when he looked over and there was no toilet paper! Shhh... you hear that sound? That's the sound of nobody caring! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #61 July 6, 2005 Makes you wonder, what that 'goo' really was... where your fingers had been! Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #62 July 6, 2005 Quote Wow ! There are some pretty good stories here ! I had taken this guy on a tandem jump. I guess he had eaten some nasty greasy Mexican food the night before. After opening I caught this god- aweful smell. He had shit all over himself !! I was gagging and trying not to yak all over his back. I told him " I can't take it anymore and that I was going to pull the student cut-away handle"!! " he yelled "NOOO ! DON'T" !!! Of course it was a no wind day. I slid him in on landing and shit was everywhere !! SOO you want to be a tandem master huh !! ____________________________________ It wasn't a tandem but, we had a jumper come out to make some jumps one Sunday morning. He had been drinking pretty good, the night before. His first jump went pretty good, up till the hook-turn. He hit the dirt, pretty hard and rolled and flopped like a rag doll across the ground. Fortunately, he was not hurt but, the impact had literally knocked the shit out of him! We have a rule... make sure they're all-right first then, laugh like hell! Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mnealtx 0 #63 July 6, 2005 QuoteI walked into a restroom one time, opened the stall, and their was shit sprayed all over the wall, the back of the toilet, and smeared all over the toilet seat. Worse, there was a pair of underwear on the floor, also covered in it... Apparently the guy had some VERY explosive diarrhea, but was a fraction of a second late getting onto the toilet. There was no toilet paper (or he ran out), so he must have taken off his underwear used it to clean himself up, then threw them on the floor next to the toilet. It was probably the most disgusting thing I'd ever seen in my life, yet I couldn't help but start laughing hysterically as I imagined the poor guys horror when he looked over and there was no toilet paper! Ok, THAT is a valid reason for NOT going commando!Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ACMESkydiver 0 #64 July 6, 2005 Quote The worst thing I've had to do is........... Cut up a dead calf whilst still inside the cow. The vet went in through the side an I had to go in through the rear, Using a wire saw and working to a rythm we cut it into six pieces an took it out through the side of the cow. The cow survived but ended up barron. Dude did you live with my daddy? He had to do that too...actually, I think if I remember right, he told me that he pulled a calf in half during childbirth. It was stuck in the canal and he/they were trying to help the cow, but...ick. ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ACMESkydiver 0 #65 July 6, 2005 QuoteQuoteIsnt someone going to explain "reverse cowgirl anal"??? Inquiring minds want to know. . Cowgirl - woman on top Reverse Cowgirl - woman on top, facing away from you Anal - left as an exercise for the student I don't want to know how people know this information. -And if the guy got icky on his willy, "-he should no-a been puttin' it thar in the farst playce, Aym theenkin'." ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites masterrig 1 #66 July 6, 2005 QuoteQuote The worst thing I've had to do is........... Cut up a dead calf whilst still inside the cow. The vet went in through the side an I had to go in through the rear, Using a wire saw and working to a rythm we cut it into six pieces an took it out through the side of the cow. The cow survived but ended up barron. Dude did you live with my daddy? He had to do that too...actually, I think if I remember right, he told me that he pulled a calf in half during childbirth. It was stuck in the canal and he/they were trying to help the cow, but...ick. ______________________________ This happens quite often with 'still-born' calves but, once in awhile with a 'live' calf. The first time I saw a 'prolapsed' cow repaired. That, was kinda' disturbing. Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mnealtx 0 #67 July 6, 2005 QuoteI don't want to know how people know this information. -And if the guy got icky on his willy, "-he should no-a been puttin' it thar in the farst playce, Aym theenkin'." Well, I read a lot.... Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites lawrocket 3 #68 July 6, 2005 Quotewas shit sprayed all over the wall, the back of the toilet, and smeared all over the toilet seat Hmmm. Was that at Rusty's Steakhouse ? My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites yardhippie 0 #69 July 6, 2005 QuoteQuotewas shit sprayed all over the wall, the back of the toilet, and smeared all over the toilet seat Hmmm. Was that at Rusty's Steakhouse ? strangely, I went into a walmart onec. same shit spray all over the wall/toilet. No underwear. I had to get my friend. I said, "Dude, this is fucking disgusting, but you have to see it!" We laughed for hours at the thought of the poor bastard that had to clean that up. Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD "What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me "Anything you want." ~ female skydiver Mohoso Rodriguez #865 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites dixieskydiver 0 #70 July 6, 2005 I had one of those styrofoam cups of ramen noodle soup in my dorm room a few years ago and it was a flavor I didn't like so it sat there most of the year. Then we started seeing all of these little fruit flies and we couldn't figure out where in the fuck they were all coming from. I mean, it was a disgusting boys room but there wasn't anything to warrant a fruit fly infestation. So we cleaned and cleaned and killed lots of flies until one day I got so hungry I decided to take the plastic wrap off that ramen only to find it FILLED with fruit flies and baby fruit flies. Dixie HISPA #56 Facil Rodriguez "Scientific research has shown that 60% of the time, it works every time." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ACMESkydiver 0 #71 July 6, 2005 QuoteI had one of those styrofoam cups of ramen noodle soup in my dorm room a few years ago and it was a flavor I didn't like so it sat there most of the year. Then we started seeing all of these little fruit flies and we couldn't figure out where in the fuck they were all coming from. I mean, it was a disgusting boys room but there wasn't anything to warrant a fruit fly infestation. So we cleaned and cleaned and killed lots of flies until one day I got so hungry I decided to take the plastic wrap off that ramen only to find it FILLED with fruit flies and baby fruit flies. Eww, I seem to remember this same thing happening to me once...~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Amazon 7 #72 July 6, 2005 Dayum...... thats like snorting a big ole bugur Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites caress 0 #73 July 7, 2005 I've read most of this thread and almost pissed myself laughing! The most digusting thing I ever did. I was in nursery school. I was wearing a grey mini skirt outfit and my red pantyhose,and my white shoes. We went to the Dairy on a field trip. They decided to show the class how to milk a cow. I stood behind the cow because the sides were crowded. You guessed it the cow crapped on my shoe. I got a little excited and started shaking my foot trying to kick it off and flung poo all over everybodyMy daddy still remembers that. I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites highfly 0 #74 July 7, 2005 QuoteI imagine that getting sprayed in the face by a puking tandem student ranks right up there He he reminds me of a tandem master in the UK. He Is quite racist and he had an Indian tandem passenger turn up on the dz. All he was doing was complaining about how he had this "fooking Paki " as a tandem passenger He's the sorta bloke you wouldnt tell to shut up. Unless you wanted a smack. He he all the way to altitude the passenger was feeling a little worse for wear. I was expecting the unexpected and there it was. Just as he excited the aircraft I could see a brown stream exiting from the passengers mouth. It looked a little like Chicken Korma The stream proceded to cover the TI's face, jumpsuit and rig. The only trouble was was the TI's kit was very patriotic in colour i.e. Red white and Blue. He he. He got his www.myspace.com/durtymac Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 Next Page 3 of 3 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
mnealtx 0 #63 July 6, 2005 QuoteI walked into a restroom one time, opened the stall, and their was shit sprayed all over the wall, the back of the toilet, and smeared all over the toilet seat. Worse, there was a pair of underwear on the floor, also covered in it... Apparently the guy had some VERY explosive diarrhea, but was a fraction of a second late getting onto the toilet. There was no toilet paper (or he ran out), so he must have taken off his underwear used it to clean himself up, then threw them on the floor next to the toilet. It was probably the most disgusting thing I'd ever seen in my life, yet I couldn't help but start laughing hysterically as I imagined the poor guys horror when he looked over and there was no toilet paper! Ok, THAT is a valid reason for NOT going commando!Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #64 July 6, 2005 Quote The worst thing I've had to do is........... Cut up a dead calf whilst still inside the cow. The vet went in through the side an I had to go in through the rear, Using a wire saw and working to a rythm we cut it into six pieces an took it out through the side of the cow. The cow survived but ended up barron. Dude did you live with my daddy? He had to do that too...actually, I think if I remember right, he told me that he pulled a calf in half during childbirth. It was stuck in the canal and he/they were trying to help the cow, but...ick. ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #65 July 6, 2005 QuoteQuoteIsnt someone going to explain "reverse cowgirl anal"??? Inquiring minds want to know. . Cowgirl - woman on top Reverse Cowgirl - woman on top, facing away from you Anal - left as an exercise for the student I don't want to know how people know this information. -And if the guy got icky on his willy, "-he should no-a been puttin' it thar in the farst playce, Aym theenkin'." ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #66 July 6, 2005 QuoteQuote The worst thing I've had to do is........... Cut up a dead calf whilst still inside the cow. The vet went in through the side an I had to go in through the rear, Using a wire saw and working to a rythm we cut it into six pieces an took it out through the side of the cow. The cow survived but ended up barron. Dude did you live with my daddy? He had to do that too...actually, I think if I remember right, he told me that he pulled a calf in half during childbirth. It was stuck in the canal and he/they were trying to help the cow, but...ick. ______________________________ This happens quite often with 'still-born' calves but, once in awhile with a 'live' calf. The first time I saw a 'prolapsed' cow repaired. That, was kinda' disturbing. Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #67 July 6, 2005 QuoteI don't want to know how people know this information. -And if the guy got icky on his willy, "-he should no-a been puttin' it thar in the farst playce, Aym theenkin'." Well, I read a lot.... Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #68 July 6, 2005 Quotewas shit sprayed all over the wall, the back of the toilet, and smeared all over the toilet seat Hmmm. Was that at Rusty's Steakhouse ? My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yardhippie 0 #69 July 6, 2005 QuoteQuotewas shit sprayed all over the wall, the back of the toilet, and smeared all over the toilet seat Hmmm. Was that at Rusty's Steakhouse ? strangely, I went into a walmart onec. same shit spray all over the wall/toilet. No underwear. I had to get my friend. I said, "Dude, this is fucking disgusting, but you have to see it!" We laughed for hours at the thought of the poor bastard that had to clean that up. Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD "What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me "Anything you want." ~ female skydiver Mohoso Rodriguez #865 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dixieskydiver 0 #70 July 6, 2005 I had one of those styrofoam cups of ramen noodle soup in my dorm room a few years ago and it was a flavor I didn't like so it sat there most of the year. Then we started seeing all of these little fruit flies and we couldn't figure out where in the fuck they were all coming from. I mean, it was a disgusting boys room but there wasn't anything to warrant a fruit fly infestation. So we cleaned and cleaned and killed lots of flies until one day I got so hungry I decided to take the plastic wrap off that ramen only to find it FILLED with fruit flies and baby fruit flies. Dixie HISPA #56 Facil Rodriguez "Scientific research has shown that 60% of the time, it works every time." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #71 July 6, 2005 QuoteI had one of those styrofoam cups of ramen noodle soup in my dorm room a few years ago and it was a flavor I didn't like so it sat there most of the year. Then we started seeing all of these little fruit flies and we couldn't figure out where in the fuck they were all coming from. I mean, it was a disgusting boys room but there wasn't anything to warrant a fruit fly infestation. So we cleaned and cleaned and killed lots of flies until one day I got so hungry I decided to take the plastic wrap off that ramen only to find it FILLED with fruit flies and baby fruit flies. Eww, I seem to remember this same thing happening to me once...~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon 7 #72 July 6, 2005 Dayum...... thats like snorting a big ole bugur Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
caress 0 #73 July 7, 2005 I've read most of this thread and almost pissed myself laughing! The most digusting thing I ever did. I was in nursery school. I was wearing a grey mini skirt outfit and my red pantyhose,and my white shoes. We went to the Dairy on a field trip. They decided to show the class how to milk a cow. I stood behind the cow because the sides were crowded. You guessed it the cow crapped on my shoe. I got a little excited and started shaking my foot trying to kick it off and flung poo all over everybodyMy daddy still remembers that. I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
highfly 0 #74 July 7, 2005 QuoteI imagine that getting sprayed in the face by a puking tandem student ranks right up there He he reminds me of a tandem master in the UK. He Is quite racist and he had an Indian tandem passenger turn up on the dz. All he was doing was complaining about how he had this "fooking Paki " as a tandem passenger He's the sorta bloke you wouldnt tell to shut up. Unless you wanted a smack. He he all the way to altitude the passenger was feeling a little worse for wear. I was expecting the unexpected and there it was. Just as he excited the aircraft I could see a brown stream exiting from the passengers mouth. It looked a little like Chicken Korma The stream proceded to cover the TI's face, jumpsuit and rig. The only trouble was was the TI's kit was very patriotic in colour i.e. Red white and Blue. He he. He got his www.myspace.com/durtymac Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
