Humpday joke thread

[BartsDaddy 7]

It seems that a young Texas Aggie volunteered
for military service during World War II. He had
such a high aptitude for aviation that he was
sent right to Pensacola Naval Air Station, skipping recruit training.

The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the
best flier on the base. All they could do was give
him his gold wings and assign him immediately to
an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.

On his first day aboard, he took off and single-handedly shot down 6
Japanese fighter planes.
Then climbing up to 20,000 feet, he found 9 more
Japanese planes and shot them all down as well.

Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the
carrier and came in for a perfect
landing on the deck.

He threw back the canopy, climbed out and
jogged over to the captain. Saluting smartly he
said,

"Well sir, how did I do on my very first day?"

The captain turned around, bowed politely,
and replied,

"You make onry one velly, velly selious mistake."

Handguns are only used to fight your way to a good rifle

[Balls 0]

Quote

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues,
"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with 'ass'."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can just stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know " he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios."

ROFLMAO

----------------------------------------
....so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

[cHoDaBoY 0]

Q. Where do you take your dog if his tail falls off???














A. The retailer

Q. Why do birds sing?
A. Because they dont have to pack when they land

[BillyVance 35]

Quote

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know " he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios."

Classic!

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[feuergnom 29]

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa, Florida. "The
material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us
sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your
stomach lining.

"Chinese food is loaded with MSG," he continued. "High fat diets can be
disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the
germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most
dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell
me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years
after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row
raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle

dudeist skydiver # 666

[popsjumper 2]

repost for the Texas boys:
http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=1276768;search_string=pilot%20joke;#1276768

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[popsjumper 2]

'nother re-post:
http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=1658649;search_string=high-powered%20gasoline;#1658649

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[aerohaga 0]

How about a pun?

A well-known chef bought several cases of carp. Endeavoring to create a new signature dish, he tried combining herbs and spices with shortening but found that the cooking time had to be exact.
So when the chef received a phone call during the dinner hour, he had to cut it short, explaining,

"I left my carp in saffron Crisco."

For my part, I know nothing with any certainty,
But the sight of the stars makes me dream.
-Vincent Van Gogh