mjosparky 4 #1 October 19, 2005 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor..... 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes...why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. 7. What if there were no hypothetical questions? 8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 10. Is there another word for synonym? 11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" 12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? 13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? 16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell... is he homeless, or naked? 17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? 18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? 19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? 20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs? 21. What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread? 22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. 23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? 24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 25. How is it possible to have a civil war? 26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too? 27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? 28. If you try to fail - and succeed - which have you done? 29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it? 30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? 31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? 32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? 33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented? 34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God? SparkyMy idea of a fair fight is clubbing baby seals Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
druvaughn 0 #2 October 19, 2005 5, 6, 10, and 21 are great but I got lost on the little mermaid one- - "Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #3 October 19, 2005 Quote 8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? more than likely gets a hickory switch across the knuckles... But I did get soap in my mouth after calling my mom a bitch... "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SpeedRacer 1 #4 October 19, 2005 Quote 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes...why do we still have monkeys and apes? I've heard this question asked IN SERIOUSNESS by fundies who don't know what evolutionary theory is. Here's another question: If many Americans are descended from Englishmen, why are there still Englishmen? Speed Racer -------------------------------------------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gremlin 0 #5 October 19, 2005 Darwinian theory states that genetic varience will give one individual an advantage - therefore they will produce more offspring with that advantage. These offspring will then replace the original. HOWEVER While Americans are descended from the English they certainly have no genetic advantage - indeed coming from a small initial population their genetic pool is so shallow it has produced politicians unable to spell potato(e) and a population so unable to spell long words they keep taking letters out - colour - programME - mathS Here ends todays rant I'm drunk, you're drunk, lets go back to mine.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tso-d_chris 0 #6 October 19, 2005 Quote While Americans are descended from the English they certainly have no genetic advantage - indeed coming from a small initial population their genetic pool is so shallow it has produced politicians unable to spell potato(e) and a population so unable to spell long words they keep taking letters out - colour - programME - mathS Yeah, well, that's America Americer for ya yer. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
YahooLV 0 #7 October 19, 2005 You're kidding, right? Algae....bra...get it... Geeezhttp://www.curtisglennphotography.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
