happythoughts 0 #1 October 20, 2005 A long time ago, poodles were hunting dogs. They were given the trims to aid them in swimming. They are still regarded as one of the most intelligent dogs. However... it's the owners. The owners have inbred the dogs to the point that they have these quirky weird personalities. (In all fairness, they probably get that from hanging around the owners.) The name them Socrates and speak to them like another adult who has a social disorder. "Soc - will you quit acting like my sister - the one with the alcholism problem that embarrasses the family." Then, the hunting trim has morphed into something that causes their dog friends to smirk. "I am Dorstan, killer of cats, called Spot by the humans." "I am Zolbar, owner of the night, called Rover by humans." "Hi, I'm Socrates. Do you like my square fur?" The poodle theory. Function is slowly destroyed by fashion. Then, only fashion is supposed to have value. We know the price of everything and the value of nothing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ifall 0 #2 October 20, 2005 Holy shit!!! That is hilarious!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #3 October 20, 2005 QuoteHoly shit!!! That is hilarious!!!! yup! That poor little bastard... You see something new everyday... this is one of them... "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #4 October 20, 2005 That ain't right. Poor stupid-looking pooch. you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rasmack 0 #5 October 20, 2005 OK. You asked for it... Quote In the beginning God made the light, just like that. Shortly thereafter God made three big mistakes. The first mistake was roughly entitled the poodle. Check him out. Our guest poodle tonight is Frenchy. Now when God . . . say hi to Frenchy if you don't mind. When God first decided to build the poodle actually it was a mistake because he wanted to build a Schnauzer, he did fuck up. He knows it now, he did fuck up with the poodle. The original poodle had hair evenly distributed all over it's small piquant charming canine type body. Then God made these other two mistakes. Mistake number two was man. Mistake number three was Wo-man. Wo-man has always been extremely clever even since the olden days. And man has always been extremely stupid even since the olden days, and any Wo-man will tell you that. Of course that's not the problem with the poodle. The Wo-man looked at the poodle with lust in her heart. She wanted to find a way to appreciate, too find a deeper appreciation of the poodle's snout area. However she did not wish to do this with poodle hair sticking out all over the place, no no no, that would have been too common. The poodle of her dreams had to have a disco look and so she devised a plan. She turned to the man and she said: "Sucker, go get a job." And the man got off his booty and left the Garden Of Eden Went out and got a job pushing a broom for about $2.98 an hour, and then he came back and gave the money to the wo-man. Who immediately took the money left Garden Of Eden herself and went to the nearest hardware store to purchase some scissors some clippers and a pair of zircon encrusted tweezers, that's right. She came back and she did a J.O.B. on the D.O.G. she cleaned of his B.A.C.K. his T.H.O.R.A.X. his T.U.M. T.U.M. and here right this area near flint, she removed the tiny brown particles that were so unattractive in those days. The she tweezed thoroughly around this area here too reveal the little red flanel succulent pink moist tittalating poodle like tongue And then induced the dog itself too squat on his hind legs as I will now demonstrate. Can you all see the dog squatting? Well, just imagine the dog squatting, cause the next part you're gonna understand fairly good. The dog is squatting see, for those of you who can't see him squatting, and the woman goes over . . . Get the fuck out of the way . . . and sits up the dog's snout making it go up inside of her mystery zone, little black poodle lips and all, including the whiskers and all of the little hair on the chin and everything as I will now demonstrate Somehow or another while she was down there she managed to look deep into the eyes of this aforementioned poodle and she said these words: Give me Your dirty love Like you might surrender To some dragon in your dreams Give me Your dirty love Like a pink donation To the dragon in your dreams I don't want your sweet devotion I don't need your cheap emotion Whip me up a little dragon lotion For your dirty love That dirty love Your dirty love That dirty love Give me Your dirty love Like some tacky little pamphlet In your daddy's bottom drawer Give me, ho ho-o Your dirty love I don't believe you never seen This book before I don't want your reservation Don't require your presperation I only got one destination An' that's your dirty love That dirty love Your dirty love That dirty love Give me Your dirty love Just like your mama Make that fuzzy poodle do Give me Your dirty love The way your mama Make that nasty poodle chew I'll ignore your cheap aroma Your little-bo-peep diploma I'll just put you in a coma With your dirty love That dirty love That dirty love That dirty love THE POODLE BITES! THE POODLE CHEWS IT! HF #682, Team Dirty Sanchez #227 “I simply hate, detest, loathe, despise, and abhor redundancy.” - Not quite Oscar Wilde... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Broke 0 #6 October 20, 2005 Tweezers wait a minute let me steralize em give me your lighter.Divot your source for all things Hillbilly. Anvil Brother 84 SCR 14192 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eeneR 3 #7 October 20, 2005 Bwahahahahaha....that is some funny shit. I keep joking i gonna give my siberian a lion cut. He is a wolly coat and is red and white... He did get trimmed down, but actually looks more like a lil stuffed Husky, actually feels like one too. Good thing he LOVES being petted. I keep chasing him around the house to pet him. She is not a "Dumb Blonde" - She is a "Light-Haired Detour Off The Information Superhighway." eeneR TF#72, FB#4130, Incauto Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Diversgodown 0 #8 October 20, 2005 I bet if that dog could commit suicide it would. Poor bastard!!!! ***Glory Favors the Bold*** Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 226 #9 October 20, 2005 Doode! It's Hip To Be SquareI'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,590 #10 October 20, 2005 I recall reading an article about the Alaskan Iditarod dog sled race a few years ago. It mentioned a souvenir tee shirt vendor had been selling shirts imprinted: "Alaska. Where men are men." After Susan Butcher won the race, the vendor was selling shirts imprinted: "Alaska. Where men are men, and women win the Iditarod." After the race in which one contestant entered a team of standard poodles, the shirts read: "Alaska. Where women win the Iditarod, and men mush poodles.""There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skycat 0 #11 October 20, 2005 http://home.gci.net/~poodlesleddogFly it like you stole it! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shell666 0 #12 October 20, 2005 My sig line on my email ... --- I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of some weird religious cult. ...Rita Rudner --- 'Shell'Shell Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #13 October 24, 2005 I always liked this pic. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #14 October 24, 2005 QuoteI always liked this pic. Trick or treat?? "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
StevePhelps 0 #15 October 24, 2005 QuoteI recall reading an article about the Alaskan Iditarod dog sled race a few years ago. It mentioned a souvenir tee shirt vendor had been selling shirts imprinted: "Alaska. Where men are men." After Susan Butcher won the race, the vendor was selling shirts imprinted: "Alaska. Where men are men, and women win the Iditarod." After the race in which one contestant entered a team of standard poodles, the shirts read: "Alaska. Where women win the Iditarod, and men mush poodles." Libby Riddles did it before Susan, and she did it by going out into a storm when everyone was hunkered down. She didn't go far, but she got an edge both in distance and pysche. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wartload 0 #16 October 24, 2005 Then there are some poodles who have a different attitude ... http://www.marlysmagazine.com/load.html?content=http%3A//www.marlysmagazine.com/checklist/poodle.html Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
