waltappel 1 #1 December 5, 2005 The confessional continues. This one is about me ending up in a bordello. I've never had sex with a prostitute (before, during or since my visit). It's not that I have anything against prostitution, prostitutes, or their clientele, for that matter--at least not in principle. It's just not for me. Anyway. this was a funny experience. Ok, so some friends and I had been "hiking" in a National Park well known for its tall cliffs and were exhausted and sore. We had a really long drive ahead of us and, except for the driver (thank goodness!) were kind of settling into that stupor that is the road trip equivalent of what will one day be the "suspended animation" that may be used to make truly long space journeys possible. Suddenly, one of the guys for no apparent reason launched into a tirade that there was no way in HELL he would ever have sex with a black woman. He went on about it for a couple of minutes while the rest of us looked at each other trying to figure out where THAT sudden rant had come from. "It's ok. Nobody here is going to try and force you to have sex with a black woman or anyone else for that matter". I should add that the guy making the rant normally doesn't talk like that at all. This was really out of left field and left us wondering what was going on. Fast forward to much later in the drive. We were driving through one of the many wide expanses of desert in Nevada, when the unthinkable happened. The guys who were drinking beer were getting down to their last few beers. For most people that would be no big deal. I wasn't drinking at all and neither was driver or the guy who had made the rant. For the guys who were drinking, though, it was not unlike the scenario where an astronaut or scuba diver sees his oxygen supply running low. For these guys, beer is somewhere between holy water and food. It is an essential element of their lives. "Hey", one of them said, "there's a place about five miles ahead on the right". Sure enough, a ways ahead there was what looked to be kind of a rundown tavern. We pulled into the parking lot and saw a neon "Budweiser" sign in one of the windows. It was not a bar, though. It was one of the legal bordellos in Nevada. "This is where you guys are gonna get some beer?!!!" "Yeah, man, no problem." No way was I going to wait in the truck for this one! All of us went to the front door and the main guy who was in need of beer rang the doorbell. I guess bordellos work like that for some reason. They want to know who they are letting in. The madame came to the door and asked what we had in mind. "We are in desperate need of beer. We are just passing by and have almost run out. Will you pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease sell us some?" "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?!!!!" The madame did not look real happy, but it must have been a slow day. She let us in. There was a small bar area that, I suppose, functions like the bars they have in restaurants that tend to have long lines of people waiting for tables. We went to the bar and she asked, "Would you like to meet the girls?" This is where it starts to get funny. Mr. "No way in HELL would I EVER have sex with a black woman!!!" said yes. This, in itself, amazed me. I was sore. It hurt to walk. It hurt to sit down. Hell, it hurt to breathe. I knew he was as worn out as I was, so I was quite impressed with what was either surely a very strong libido or a very strong desire to have a very strong libido. Anyway, only one girl came out. She was a stunningly beautiful young black woman who had a kind of exotic look like she was from some Carribean island. There was no hesitation on Mr. "No black women for me, EVER!!!"'s part. None at all. She asked if he would like to "take the tour" and he was all over it. Right then, my mind started racing, figuring out exactly what I was going to say to him when we went back out to the truck. They were gone for quite a while, so I started talking with the madame. I was curious as hell about this whole deal. I asked her if she had a "menu" of services and prices. "If you want that, you will have to take the tour. "Fuck! What the hell does it mean to take the tour?!!!" Any bordello expert is no doubt laughing at me right now. I didn't want to put my ignorance on public display (which was kind of curious--normally I leap at the opportunity!). I was convinced that taking the tour was bordello jargon for something really, really funky. Just about the time I gave up trying to figure out what the hell "taking the tour" was, Mr. "I'll NEVER have sex with a black woman" waltzed back in with the beautiful young black woman who had given him the tour. She looked at me and, in a really sultry voice, asked, "Would you like to take the tour? If you've ever seen the original Dirty Harry movie, starring Clint Eastwood, you'll remember the scene where he stops an armed robbery by taking on the small army of armed thugs with his .44 Magnum, "the most powerful handgun in the world". One of the bad guys is down on the sidewalk and his gun is also on the sidewalk where he can reach it. Dirty Harry goes into his infamous spiel, concluding with, "Feel lucky today punk?" THe whole spiel was based on Dirty Harry supposedly not being able to remember whether he had fired 5 shots or 6 and did the bad guy want to risk grabbing his gun. The bad guy decides not to go for the gun, but as Dirty Harry starts to walk away, looks at him and says, "I gots ta know!" Ok, back to the Bordello. She had just asked me if I wanted to take the tour. "I gots ta know!", I thought. Well, surprise. The Tour really was just a tour. As Forrest Gump put it, "I am not a smart man". Ok, so we go back into this hallway that looked kind of like those narrow hallways you see in college dormitories. The difference was that there was a red light in the ceiling above each door. Kind of a "this room is occupied" light. She points out the jacuzzi room where they have "jacuzzi parties" and a couple of other features. Then we go into one of the rooms. It looks like the kind of small, but clean and functional kind of motel room you might find at a cheap local motel in a small town. Nothing fancy, but ok. We sit on the bed and she explains "The Protocol", which is the procedure that they, by state law in Nevada, must follow before having sex. The short version is: - The client must take a shower. - Client's penis gets sprayed with some kind of disinfectant. - A condom is required. - After the condom is on, the condom-covered penis gets sprayed with disinfectant. - Time to party!!! So after all this wondering about the tour, here I am. I am now being presented with "The Menu". Yes--this is the moment I have been waiting for! The menu is actually a list of services and prices written on a piece of cardboard with a black marker. Ok, so it's not fancy, but this is the good part. It's been a while so the prices may be a bit off, but as I recall the prices ranged from $20 for a "15 minute quickie" to $1200 for some wildass extravaganza that included unlimited "jacuzzi party" time and dinner with the girls and a few other features I don't recall. Everything on the menu was some sort of "party". Naturally, being a jumper, my eyes went straight for the thing that any self-respecting (or self-loathing!) jumper would want: "The B&D Party" I noticed that this thrilling experience that would make any jumpers life worthwhile was a mere $400!!!! "Uh, what does the B&D Party include?" "We'll tie you up, beat you, shit on you, piss on you--pretty much anything you want!!!" It was one of those situations where I started to think there might actually be a God. Why? Consider the mentality of the average guy. In some ways we are every bit as retarded as our reputation would have everyone thinking we are. If a couple of my jumping buddies had been in the room with me at that exact moment, we would have looked at each other straight in the eye with the knowledge that we had no choice in the matter. We would all need to go for the infamous B&D Party. Thankfully, that was not the case. Anyway, believe what you will, the truth is that I decided not to partake. She was very gracious about it and, as we walked out toward the bar, I knew I was headed for what would certainly be one of the GREATEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE!!!! As soon as we got out the door, I would start mocking Mr. "I'll never go black" severely. I was going to throw every comment he made right back in his face. So the guys have got their beer, Mr. "No Affirmative Action for my sex life!!!" has gotten his rocks off, and I have had my curiosity satisfied. I even got a few business cards and a couple of t-shirts. As soon as the door shuts behind us, I launch into the intense mockery that my friend KNOWS he has brought upon himself. "No fuckin' way will I ever have sex with a black woman", blah blah blah. He caught hell from all of us for many hours after that. He just laughed and said, "Well, at least she was a good lookin' black woman! And that's all I have to say about that. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #2 December 5, 2005 That was GREAT reading! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 7 #3 December 5, 2005 Very COOL! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #4 December 5, 2005 QuoteVery COOL! Getting compliments from you and Billy is really something special. Thanks guys. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shotgun 1 #5 December 5, 2005 QuoteThe confessional continues. This one is about me ending up in a bordello. I've never had sex with a prostitute (before, during or since my visit). It's not that I have anything against prostitution, prostitutes, or their clientele, for that matter--at least not in principle. It's just not for me. Anyway. this was a funny experience. Ok, so some friends and I had been "hiking" in a National Park well known for its tall cliffs and were exhausted and sore. Funny, I got to this point in your story and thought, "This dude must be from Texas." So I clicked on your profile, and sure enough... Must be the Texan in me that recognizes other Texans... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #6 December 5, 2005 QuoteQuoteThe confessional continues. This one is about me ending up in a bordello. I've never had sex with a prostitute (before, during or since my visit). It's not that I have anything against prostitution, prostitutes, or their clientele, for that matter--at least not in principle. It's just not for me. Anyway. this was a funny experience. Ok, so some friends and I had been "hiking" in a National Park well known for its tall cliffs and were exhausted and sore. Funny, I got to this point in your story and thought, "This dude must be from Texas." So I clicked on your profile, and sure enough... Must be the Texan in me that recognizes other Texans... I just know I'm going to regret this, but what made you suspect I am fron Texas? Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shotgun 1 #7 December 5, 2005 QuoteI just know I'm going to regret this, but what made you suspect I am fron Texas? I'm not sure really... something about the hiking in the national park, being exhausted and sore, and suddenly ending up in a bordello. I guess something about that reminds me of myself and my other Texan friends. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skysprite 0 #8 December 5, 2005 QuoteQuoteI just know I'm going to regret this, but what made you suspect I am fron Texas? I'm not sure really... something about the hiking in the national park, being exhausted and sore, and suddenly ending up in a bordello. I guess something about that reminds me of myself and my other Texan friends. ~skysprite Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #9 December 5, 2005 QuoteQuoteI just know I'm going to regret this, but what made you suspect I am fron Texas? I'm not sure really... something about the hiking in the national park, being exhausted and sore, and suddenly ending up in a bordello. I guess something about that reminds me of myself and my other Texan friends. Ya' know--I *could* kinda picture George W. Bush in that scenario. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shotgun 1 #10 December 5, 2005 QuoteQuoteI'm not sure really... something about the hiking in the national park, being exhausted and sore, and suddenly ending up in a bordello. I guess something about that reminds me of myself and my other Texan friends. Ya' know--I *could* kinda picture George W. Bush in that scenario. Well, there ya go. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest #11 December 5, 2005 Great story! You've got a wicked since of humor, and it reminds me of Dave Barry! mh ."The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #12 December 5, 2005 QuoteGreat story! You've got a wicked since of humor, and it reminds me of Dave Barry! mh . The really funny part is that these things I have been posting lately are absolutely true. I've left out some details but the ones I have reported are for real. So yes, I really am as retarded as you probably think I am. edited to add: Here is a front/back scan of their card. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
deltablue 0 #13 December 5, 2005 LMFAO !!!~He who looks outside his own heart dreams, he who looks inside his own heart awakens - Carl Jung~ My Space Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bob.dino 1 #14 December 5, 2005 Nice story mate Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites wmw999 2,589 #15 December 5, 2005 Ya shoulda gotten something from the gift shop Great story Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites waltappel 1 #16 December 5, 2005 QuoteYa shoulda gotten something from the gift shop Great story Wendy W. I got two t-shirts! Here's a pic. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites masterrig 1 #17 December 5, 2005 QuoteQuoteYa shoulda gotten something from the gift shop Great story Wendy W. I got two t-shirts! Here's a pic. Walt __________________________________________ Heckuva story, Walt! Good read. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Didn't they burn-down the last place like that here in Texas? Chuck Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites simplyputsi 0 #18 December 5, 2005 Anybody else notice they have a 2 mile airstrip!!!! (brain working too fast, hurts too much) There is just too much potential here. Come jump out of an airplane and then get jumped. Or get jumped then jump out of an airplane. Good story.Skymama's #2 stalker - Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Tenshi 0 #19 December 5, 2005 I like this story of you going to a bordello. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites MarkM 0 #20 December 5, 2005 QuoteIt was one of those situations where I started to think there might actually be a God. Why? Consider the mentality of the average guy. In some ways we are every bit as retarded as our reputation would have everyone thinking we are. If a couple of my jumping buddies had been in the room with me at that exact moment, we would have looked at each other straight in the eye with the knowledge that we had no choice in the matter. We would all need to go for the infamous B&D Party. Thankfully, that was not the case. Buhahahaa. Bullet dodged. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites billvon 3,120 #21 December 5, 2005 I once found myself in a bordello in Dongguan, China. It was billed as a 'health club' by our corporate hosts, who really really wanted our business. (That was before they knew what pains in the asses we were.) I ended up getting a massage out of the deal, but as there was this massive language barrier (completely different languages _and_ cultures) I figured "no" was a good answer to all the questions she asked me in Cantonese. For all I knew she was asking me "so you want me to pee on you?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Dougiefresh 0 #22 December 5, 2005 Quote Anybody else notice they have a 2 mile airstrip!!!! "No, I don't want the tour. I just need to use your airstrip a while..."Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. --Douglas Adams Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites BillyVance 35 #23 December 5, 2005 QuoteQuote edited to add: Here is a front/back scan of their card. Walt They have a 2 mile air strip????? How about setting up a DZ there??? "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites BillyVance 35 #24 December 5, 2005 QuoteQuoteYa shoulda gotten something from the gift shop Great story Wendy W. I got two t-shirts! Here's a pic. Walt That's one shirt you would only wear to the DZ, I bet... "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites waltappel 1 #25 December 6, 2005 Quote Heckuva story, Walt! Good read. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Didn't they burn-down the last place like that here in Texas? Chuck Thankyou. Here's the history of the Chicken Ranch that was Texas' finest for generations: clicky Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 Next Page 1 of 2 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0 Go To Topic Listing
wmw999 2,589 #15 December 5, 2005 Ya shoulda gotten something from the gift shop Great story Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #16 December 5, 2005 QuoteYa shoulda gotten something from the gift shop Great story Wendy W. I got two t-shirts! Here's a pic. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
masterrig 1 #17 December 5, 2005 QuoteQuoteYa shoulda gotten something from the gift shop Great story Wendy W. I got two t-shirts! Here's a pic. Walt __________________________________________ Heckuva story, Walt! Good read. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Didn't they burn-down the last place like that here in Texas? Chuck Chuck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
simplyputsi 0 #18 December 5, 2005 Anybody else notice they have a 2 mile airstrip!!!! (brain working too fast, hurts too much) There is just too much potential here. Come jump out of an airplane and then get jumped. Or get jumped then jump out of an airplane. Good story.Skymama's #2 stalker - Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tenshi 0 #19 December 5, 2005 I like this story of you going to a bordello. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MarkM 0 #20 December 5, 2005 QuoteIt was one of those situations where I started to think there might actually be a God. Why? Consider the mentality of the average guy. In some ways we are every bit as retarded as our reputation would have everyone thinking we are. If a couple of my jumping buddies had been in the room with me at that exact moment, we would have looked at each other straight in the eye with the knowledge that we had no choice in the matter. We would all need to go for the infamous B&D Party. Thankfully, that was not the case. Buhahahaa. Bullet dodged. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 3,120 #21 December 5, 2005 I once found myself in a bordello in Dongguan, China. It was billed as a 'health club' by our corporate hosts, who really really wanted our business. (That was before they knew what pains in the asses we were.) I ended up getting a massage out of the deal, but as there was this massive language barrier (completely different languages _and_ cultures) I figured "no" was a good answer to all the questions she asked me in Cantonese. For all I knew she was asking me "so you want me to pee on you?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dougiefresh 0 #22 December 5, 2005 Quote Anybody else notice they have a 2 mile airstrip!!!! "No, I don't want the tour. I just need to use your airstrip a while..."Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. --Douglas Adams Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #23 December 5, 2005 QuoteQuote edited to add: Here is a front/back scan of their card. Walt They have a 2 mile air strip????? How about setting up a DZ there??? "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites BillyVance 35 #24 December 5, 2005 QuoteQuoteYa shoulda gotten something from the gift shop Great story Wendy W. I got two t-shirts! Here's a pic. Walt That's one shirt you would only wear to the DZ, I bet... "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites waltappel 1 #25 December 6, 2005 Quote Heckuva story, Walt! Good read. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Didn't they burn-down the last place like that here in Texas? Chuck Thankyou. Here's the history of the Chicken Ranch that was Texas' finest for generations: clicky Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 Next Page 1 of 2 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
BillyVance 35 #24 December 5, 2005 QuoteQuoteYa shoulda gotten something from the gift shop Great story Wendy W. I got two t-shirts! Here's a pic. Walt That's one shirt you would only wear to the DZ, I bet... "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #25 December 6, 2005 Quote Heckuva story, Walt! Good read. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Didn't they burn-down the last place like that here in Texas? Chuck Thankyou. Here's the history of the Chicken Ranch that was Texas' finest for generations: clicky Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
