Laughter makes the world go around

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

Joke #1
The Horth Whithperer

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.
His buddy asks, "How will I recognize him?"

That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment."

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.

"A female horth."

So he shows him a prized filly.

"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?

So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"?

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.

"Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"?

The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

"Nice mouf, can I see her twat"?

Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's twat, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.

"Perhapth I should rephrase that; Can I thee her wun awound a widdle bit"?

Joke #2
Montana Style Survivor
>
>Due to the popularity of the Survivor's shows, Central Montana is planning to do its own, titled "Survivor - Montana Style."
>
>The contestants will start in Billings, travel over to Bozeman and on to Butte. Then they will head north to Helena, Great Falls, Conrad and Shelby. From there they will proceed east on to Havre and Malta. Then they will go south to Grassrange and Roundup and the final leg will be back to Billings.
>
> Each will be driving a pink Volvo with California license plates and a large bumper sticker that reads:
>
> "I'm gay. I'm a Vegetarian. Beer is harmful to Your health. Republicans suck. Hillary in 2008.

> Deer hunting is murder, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."
>
> The first one that makes it back to Billings alive wins. Good luck to all contestants.

Joke #3
Tim had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, sick of the stress, he quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He saw the postman once a week and got groceries once a month. Otherwise, it was total peace and quiet.

After about six months of almost total isolation, someone knocked on his door. He opened it and a huge, bearded man was standing there.

"Name's Matt , your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night...thought you might like to come. About 5:00."

"Great", says Tim , "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Matt left, he stopped. "Gotta warn you......be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem" says Tim . "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, the big man started to leave and stopped. "More'n' likely gonna be some fightin', too."

"Well, I get along with people; I'll be all right. I'll be there Thanks again."

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too!"

"Now that's really not a problem," says Tim , warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter ..... Just gonna be the two of us."

Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[masterrig 1]

I've heard them all before but, they still make me laugh! Thanks... I needed that!


Chuck

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

Yeah, joke #1, I thought of you right away.....


Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[masterrig 1]

Quote

Yeah, joke #1, I thought of you right away.....


Bobbi

________________________________________

Aw shucks, M'am!


Chuck

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

Anything for a fellow horsemen....

Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[popsjumper 2]

Guy goes to Alaska with the intent of becoming an Eskimo.

Meets with the Eskimo chief and gets told:
If you want to become an Eskimo, there's three things you have to do.
1. Drink a quart of Eskimo whiskey
2. Wrestle a polar bear
3. Make love to an Eskimo woman

Sure! So he downs the whiskey and heads out.

3 days later he comes back mangled, torn to shreds and bleeding all over the place and says:

"Now where's that Eskimo woman you wanted me to wrestle?"

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[masterrig 1]

Quote

Anything for a fellow horsemen....

Bobbi

_______________________________

Too cool! I didn't know that you have horses!? I've got a little, short-bodied, sorrel quarter horse. He's a pretty fair cow-pony, too. I've had him for 6-yrs. Tell me about yours! Speaking of which, I have to go let him out for the day.


Chuck

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

I don't have horses. Wish i did. Before I became a DZO, I used to give riding lesson out at a local farm. I taught boys and girl with mental, emotion, and physical disabilities how to ride and also did hippo therapy with some too. Trained them for the Equestrian Special Olympics. I am leaning on going back into that line of work. Nothing brought me as much pleasure as skydiving and my DZO work, with the exception of teaching and working with horses.

Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[masterrig 1]

Quote

I don't have horses. Wish i did. Before I became a DZO, I used to give riding lesson out at a local farm. I taught boys and girl with mental, emotion, and physical disabilities how to ride and also did hippo therapy with some too. Trained them for the Equestrian Special Olympics. I am leaning on going back into that line of work. Nothing brought me as much please as horse, with the exception of teaching and working with horses.

Bobbi

__________________________________________

I think, that what you have done with horses and kids, is great. I hope, you get back into it. Nothing, will teach a person patience like working with horses. I learned real quick, adrenilin up... learning... down. I apply a lot of what I have learned in dealing with horses, to dealing with people. Anyhow, all the best to you!


Chuck