NlghtJumper 0 #1 December 19, 2005 1. Argue with everybody. 2. Touch the paintings at the museum. 3. Get hysterical. 4. Threaten law suits. 5. Insinuate, implicate and insist. 6. If you got it, flaunt it. 7. Eat produce at the grocery store and don't pay for it. 8. Gamble with the rent money. 9. Record over a borrowed vcr tape 10. Tell people that they are in your will, even if they aren't. 11. Don't get caught. 12. Stay directly in front or behine fire trucks and ambulances. 13. When giving out directions, leave out a turn or two. 14. Don't make up your mind. 15. Improve your posture by walking with your nose in the air. 16. Remind people who lose their job that they should work harder. 17. Talk with your mouth full. 18. Accuse, confuse and refuse. 19. Comment on the weight gain of others. 20. Adjust your nuts (boob) whenever you want. 21. Keep a pile of wisecracks for tense and serious situations. 22. Answer a question with a question. 23. See what it takes for the lifeguard to blow the whistle. 24. Don't give to charities unless you get something back. 25. Add the straw that breaks the camels back. 26. Clean your finger nails at the dinner table. 27. Tell people what they think they wanna hear. 28. Notice good ideas and pass them on as your own. 29. Put a title like Senator or Doctor before your name when making dinner or hotel reservations. 30. Don't volunteer for the back seat and never take the middle one. 31. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons. 32. Never do anything until you have been asked twice. 33. Put off until tomorrow whatever you can do the day after tomorrow. 34. Spot test "Wet Paint" signs. 35. Go up on the down escalator and vice versa. 36. Dont shower after a hard workout. 37. Lie about your age. 38. Change channels every two seconds 39. Develop at least 3 strategies for cutting if front of a long line 40. Underline in other peoples books. 41. Slurp your soup. 42. If you can't think of something nice, say something nasty. 43. Be judgmental. 44. Announce when your going to the bathroom. 45. Read over peoples shoulders on the bus. 46. Ignore deadlines. 47. Revenge is sweet... so get some. 48. Squeeze the toothpaste from the top, and while your at it, leave the cap off. 49. Curse the umpire at a Little League game. 50. When it says "Reserved Parking" that means you. 51. Take the labels off of unopened cans. 52. Cover up your mistakes and pass the blame. 53. Pinch all the chocolate candies until you find the one that you want. 54. Borrow handkerchiefs to blow your nose. 55. When your done with your gum, stick it under the chair. 56. If you do something nice, make sure everyone knows about it. 57. Bribe little kids... cause they're easy! 58. Put a rude message on someone elses answering machine. 59. Measure people by their money and the clothes they wear. 60. Be ambiguous, it lets you work both sides of the issue. 61. Leave your underwear in the sink. 62. Chew other peoples pencils. 63. Support the death penalty for parking tickets. 64. Get a backseat drivers license. 65. Dish it out, but don't take it. 66. Be a perfectionist in absolutely everything. 67. Apologize a lot, but don't change. 68. Change the rules to suit your needs. 69. Put your cigarette out in planters. 70. Wear a shirt thats says 'Fuck You' or to that affect. 71. Pull the covers over to your side. 72. Eat cookies or crackers in bed. 73. Let doors slam behind you ? in people's faces. 74. Repeat yourself. 75. Repeat yourself. 76. Tell your kids 'How it was..' back when you were a kid. 77. Vividly describe a hysterectomy to your date before ordering dinner. 78. Scribble your signature on important documents. 79. Use the whole can of starter fluid on the charcoal. 80. Put things back where they don't belong. 81. Take a colicky baby to the movies. 82. Have belching contests in restaurants. 83. Make the same mistake twice. 84. Pee in the swimming pool. 85. Ride on the shoulder until you pass all the jammed traffic, and then cut in. 86. Wear a large hat to the movies. 87. Always have an ulterior motive. 88. Always take the biggest piece. 89. Forget the pooper scooper when walking your dog. 90. Take cheap shots. 91. Take forever to find a word in Scrabble. 92. Cause gridlock. 93. Get up on the wrong side of bed. 94. Change your mind. 95. Glue a chip on your shoulder. 96. Put salt in sugar containers. 97. Blow out other peoples birthday candles. 98. Don't refill the ice cube tray. 99. Ask people what they paid for their clothes. 100. Cut off people in the middle of their sentences. 101. Practice pulling the wool over people's faces. A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
IanHarrop 43 #2 December 19, 2005 I started reading this list and realized something... It appears that I am over qualified "Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me" Dorothy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NlghtJumper 0 #3 December 19, 2005 Im sure your not the only one! A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AlexCrowley 0 #4 December 19, 2005 who needs a fscking list? TV's got them images, TV's got them all, nothing's shocking. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
meridianjumper 0 #5 December 19, 2005 I wonder how many folks know what that actually means? I have lots of fun with my clients when I walk them through doing an FSCK. I have heard in the past folks tell me that they cannot and will not type any profanity. LOL! Blue Skies, Jeremy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AlexCrowley 0 #6 December 19, 2005 Yeah. I hate to use profanity in any situation. Fsck is a good all purpose word. As is "kujira chitsu" . TV's got them images, TV's got them all, nothing's shocking. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #7 December 19, 2005 psh.... if I wanted to cuss without using real words, this is what I might say: You @%$*! *&$#_+!@ "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AlexCrowley 0 #8 December 19, 2005 yeah but vocalizing that is a bitch! TV's got them images, TV's got them all, nothing's shocking. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 35 #9 December 19, 2005 Quoteyeah but vocalizing that is a bitch! True... Well there's always this: YOU BLEEP BLEEP BLEEPING BLEEP!!! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jwilson 0 #10 December 19, 2005 if you really wanna be a better asshole, just wear your muffs on every jump! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
meridianjumper 0 #11 December 19, 2005 What is a muff? Blue Skies, Jeremy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites